The Aviator Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Hey all! I thought I’d sign up to these forums as LS seems to have been the best I’ve found to date after only going through this site for the past week and seeing how so many people are in the same boat as me. I met this girl (well she found me!) back in the day when Bebo was still popular when I was just about to turn 17 and she was 16. We hooked up not long after I passed my driving test and after the 3rd/4th date! During the first 1.5 years of our relationship I wasn't really bothered about it and wanted to do my own thing...Heck even going around her house sometimes seemed like a chore! :oShe definitely was more into me than I was into her! She was my first girlfriend but I was happy doing my own lazy thing and it was only until the day she moved away to university to start her degree that I realised just how much I had and how lucky I was to have it! She moved exactly 99 miles away to a city above London. By this time she had turned 18 and I was 19. After the first few days of her being away I realised just how much I missed her and from then on made the weekly commute...sometimes up to twice a week just to see her. Clocking up almost 400 miles a week! So glad I had a diesel car! ;)I'd spend my weekends with her and the odd day off I had from work with her. During this time we seemed to fall in love all over again and we loved spending time together, going out etc whilst I was still doing my day job back in my own town and she studied for her degree. It eventually became a sexual relationship (a first for the both of us) and eventually we went on holiday abroad together. We always missed each other when we was not together and always looked forward to our next meet up. I would always take her out for meals, trips out, help her get her shopping and groceries in too. Then, after a trip to London in February this year things began to change. We would start running out of stuff to do when visiting and she became more and more concerned with her uni work and started questioning about her future and my future. Her degree was in journalism which ment she would have to travel a lot if she ever made it into her chosen profession and my future career I have aspirations of becoming a commercial airline pilot. I told her travelling would not matter if we loved each other and we cannot predict what the future has in store for us! About 3 weeks after our London trip she came down to see her parents and that's when I noticed something was wrong. She was sitting on her living room floor playing with her dog and I was on the sofa and she didn't even look at me or really acknowledge me. I asked what was up and you can guess the response 'oh nothing!'. The next day I asked her alone in the car and finally wormed it out of her that she was worried about all her upcoming exams at uni and wondered if I could not visit her the following weekend to give her some time for finish her coursework. I agreed as this is an important 2nd year for her. Nonetheless she went back and the following week she hardly text or communicated with me! She had never done this before. Would get 1-2 texts in the afternoon when she would always text me first thing when she woke up. It got to a Thurday when I text her just asking if her work was coming along ok, and seen as we hadn't spoken much, if things were still ok between me and her? I got a phone call back with her literally in tears down the phone. To sum it up I asked what was up and said 'Is it to do with you and me?' she replied 'Yes'. My legs turned to jelly and I could feel my heart rate skyrocket I spoke to her on the phone and told her how much she meant to me and how much of a great couple we were. It seemed to cheer her up a bit and I asked if she wanted me to come up for a cuddle and chat. She said there was no point. We ended our convo but I was not convinced. I filled the car up and shot up the motorway to find out what was really going on. 3 hours sitting in traffic later I arrived. She seemed surprised to see me. One of her male class mates was in the kitchen helping her to bake a cake for some food magazine project she had to write. I took no notice. We went up to her room and I couldn't help but break down in tears What was happening to our relationship? We had been together nearly 3 years and suddenly everything was falling apart. She sort of comforted me and said 'we are still boyfriend and girlfriend!’ I left after an hour feeling clearer in my head and felt a bit happier. The next 2-3 days leading up to the weekend once again she would not text me much but I knew she had lots to organise so I gave her lots of space. Until the Sunday, after receiving about 2-3 texts over the whole weekend I said 'Listen, I want to know what's going on. After being with you for nearly 3 years don't you think I deserve that? You cannot take 10 seconds out of your day to text your OWN BOYFRIEND?' She replied eventually saying 'Yes you deserve to know what's going on and that's why I am coming down on the train tomorrow to see you xxx'...The last bit of that text, the 3 'x's' were a sign things were very wrong indeed. Never once had she done that. She always put loads of xxxxxxx's at the end of EVERY text before. Amazing how something so trivial as that can leave you tossing and turning and not getting any sleep that night! The next day she came down on the train. I picked her up. Took her to the park and chatted for about an hour going around in circles about how she 'needs space', 'doesn't know what the future has', 'I don’t miss you as much when you go home during the week etc'. I tried to talk her around and begged for us to go away and reignite that spark again but she kept shaking her head. Eventually I just said 'Please just say it...or I’ll say it for the both of us'. She replied. ‘I don’t think we should see each other anymore'. And that was it. My heart dropped out. Tears dripping from my eyes. I took her back to the station. I asked and got one last kiss and hug. She got out. Waved goodbye to me and disappeared out of sight...A little over 3.5 months ago and i've not seen her since. :(The girl I shared every spare moment of the last 3 years with had just walked out of my life and took half of me with her. I immediately went NC for 4 weeks after reading about the benefits of NC on the internet and how to win someone back. Didn't beg or plead to have her back. Just shut off all contact. These 4 weeks were undoubtedly the hardest of my adult life so far. Didn't eat much and constantly down. I couldn't help it! My family and friends have been so supportive though. I owe a lot to them. Anyway...4 weeks and hearing nothing from her I gave in and sent her a text wishing her a Happy Easter and hoped she was doing well. She replied within 10 mins saying thank you and that she was fine and hoped I was good too...Damn! There was me wishing for the 'I’m missing you so much' text. Another whole month NC went past before I ended up writing her letter telling her that I still love her and even though I couldn't ask for her back just wanting to know what her thoughts were nearly 2 months down the line. She emailed back in a very formal way saying that she 'wants me to move on with my life and be happy' and to 'not wait around in the false hope I might come back to you one day'. That was that! I knew there was nothing more I could do. Nearly another 1.5 months later and I’ve not heard anything from her. Trying to keep NC has been extremely tough and with the exception of 1 text message and a letter, cannot believe I have gone nearly 3.5 months without communicating with her :\ I’ll admit I have been living my life on autopilot a bit. I.e. get up, work, come home, chill, bit of dinner, sleep and repeat! The last 2 weeks I’ve cheered up greatly in myself and definitely feel my body is adjusting to this huge loss from my life. I deleted her off facebook a fortnight ago. I never even checked her profile once after the break up because I knew it would upset me but I got fed up of seeing her profile image appearing on my page. I’ve hidden all the photo’s, memento’s and notes around my house too. Still, I miss her terribly. I don’t know how someone could grow apart from me and turn in such a short space of time. It's so hard as I honestly thought we could settle down together once she had finished her course and start a life together. She was the first girl that took a genuine interest in me. Even a month before the break up at valentines day she said 'I love you more than ever' and couldn't see herself being with anyone else. I still am in love with her. I don't know if it's a case of this GIGS i.e. enjoying the uni lifestyle, meeting new people etc. I thought there might be something going on between her and the class mate she had in her house that night as i have seen several images of them together on facebook before and they work together too. I don’t know what to think. I may never know. I would still give anything to have her back as we had a lot of great times together. She is still at uni for another year and I doubt she will not be coming home for the summer. It's my birthday in a couple of weeks. I'll be 21. I wonder if I will hear from her? I wonder what will happen after that? Thanks for reading Lewis Edited July 9, 2011 by The Aviator
thelovingkind Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 This was a good read. Sounds like you had an amazing first love that you put a lot into and that you've handled the loss really, really well. Should be no regrets here about anything
Author The Aviator Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Funny how the mood in my story about is a lot more upbeat than it would of been if I had written it several weeks ago or so. I'm looking after myself and taking each day as it comes. Not really looking to the future much. No you are absolutely right I have no regrets about anything...We had a lovely relationship and done an awful lot together which is why I am still angry, upset and sometimes down when I think of all the fun stuff I am getting up to now I could be sharing with her and I kick myself for not doing when I was with her. I did fall in love with this girl and was pretty certain I had my relationship for 'life' sorted out so was quite content. It is incredibly painful though when I think of her having a sexual relationship with anyone else. I just cannot get my head around how she has not even contacted me once to even ask how i've been. I don't understand how 1 month before the break up for Valentines Day she wrote to me 'I can't believe it's been 3 years yet I love you more than ever!' So much confusing stuff that I may never know the answer to. All i'm going to do it focus on myself now. Got several holidays coming up soon so cannot wait to get away and try some new things She is a stupid girl in my opinion for leaving someone who did so much for her and who treated her so well after her first boyfriend cheated on her. I guess it's all down to the university lifestyle >
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