JustUnsure Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Me and my husband have been together 20 year. We have two children 18 and 13. We have been having trouble for about 8 months. There is another in his life. He tells me he likes. He has been out of the house for a little over a week. I know he spent some of that time with her. He came to the house yesterday. He knows he was not going tostay. He started cleaning the house doing dish and washing clothes. While we were talk he tells me he loves me more than any one else. He does not want a divorce, but he will not come home. He said, he will continue to pay the bills and does not want to divide assets. I asked him to say, this is where he belongs. He said that fells right, but leaves. We talked for a while had sex and he left. He said he had something’s to take care of. He tells me he is coming back over today. I don't know what to do at this point. I love him so much and want him home. I not sure how to act around him or what todo. Edited July 9, 2011 by JustUnsure spelling spacing
bentnotbroken Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 You are letting him hit it and run. Not a good idea. What do you want? Where do you see yourself? Being part of a triangle with him calling the shots about your life? Or do you want to take control of your life? What example are you setting for you children?
BrighterDaze Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I dont like this at all. I dont like how he is manipulating you. I dont like how he is indecisive. I dont like him. Sorry. I dont and you shouldnt either. He will always run between you and her. She is putting up with it and so are you. So, he has the power to decide and we all know that some people want it all AND they will take it all if you let them. STOP letting him take your power. STOP letting him take your joy. You cannot control his behavior, but YOU CAN CONTROL YOURS!!!!!!!!! STOP this. Pull yourself together. He is ONLY a man. Yes, you spend years with him, but he is NOT perfect....far from it. He is manipulating you. You MUST stop him. It will hurt more when he finally stops visiting your home for food and sex. He WILL stop, honey. If you dont put your foot down, first. He will eventually make the decision to go.....and you will feel much worse. Dont let him decide.....the flip side is that he comes back home. Oh great, now you cant trust him EVER. Go to counseling alone. You need to be grounded and you need to gather focus. After you feel up to it and it wont be long from now, you need make the biggest decisions of your life. These will test your strength, but they will make you stronger. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that nothing positive comes from allowing this person to DECIDE and CONTROL your future. Please seek help.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Contact this OW and tell her your husband came over and had sex with you. I can guarantee you she thinks the fact that he is out of the house means he is "separated". Is he staying at the OW's place?
freestyle Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Read up on the "180"----I think it's time to implement it. It will help you salvage your self-esteem, and it may be the only way to save your marriage at this point. If that's what you want, of course............ The more you behave like a doormat, the more disrespect you'll get. If you allow him to behave this way---it will only get worse. Pack his stuff, leave it on the front step, and tell him to go be with his "soulmate". Don't take him back unless he shows genuine remorse for hurting you, and proves that he's gone NC with the OW. I don't mean to come across as harsh or unfeeling---my heart truly goes out to you for the pain you're in........
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