Damia Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Iv Been separated for 9mths .I'm 43 .I have not been actively looking for a new person to spend time with but I have looked at the opposite sex when I have been out and about. Is it normal to not ever see anyone that I find attractive ? Am I doomed to be single?dating again after a 20year marriage is huge! Any tips for the unweary ?
Butterflying Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I truly don't believe there is someone for everyone. However, everyone can find someone if they really want that. The problem is a lot of people are selective in ways that narrows their options. So when you see a couple, more often than not, one or both people have settled to accept things they might not have accepted if they didn't really want to have someone. People who want someone and can't find anyone have two choices: 1) Get used to being single for the rest of your life 2) Settle Otherwise, the odds of finding the type of person you really want and deserve are slimmer than winning the lottery.
Sivok Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I feel there are multiple different people for everyone. I don't believe in 'the one'.
Butterflying Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I believe there is only one soul mate. If there is only one soul mate, then we all have to HOPE that one person is somewhere nearby, somewhere we'll eventually cross paths, and doesn't die before we meet them. Can you really imagine if there is only "one" soul mate for everyone, the odds of finding that one person is impossible. But I guess you have to believe fate somehow brings two soul mates together in the same place, in the same lifetime too. In which case, nobody really has to search for anyone, just let fate work itself out. (Sorry I don't believe this at all).
iris219 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I think there are lots of someones for just about everyone. The hard part is finding these people. I rarely see men I’d consider attractive. I think I have an unusual type, as in one that you don’t see often. Last weekend I had friends in town visiting and we went out 4 nights in a row. I didn’t see anyone even vaguely attractive. I have girlfriends who tell me I’m too picky and that with enough alcohol, they could find virtually anyone attractive lol! Not me. Do you think you need more time to heal from the divorce? 9 months may not be enough time. I went through a bad break-up once and I couldn’t find anyone attractive either. It took well over a year before I could. I’d go on dates and cry afterwards because nobody measured up to my ex in my mind. I simply wasn’t over him and I hadn’t healed from the damage the relationship caused. Gradually, I was able to start finding other men attractive and interesting. After being married for so long, you may not even know what you find attractive in the opposite sex, but I think with time you’ll figure it out. Take some time to think about what you want in the opposite sex, what you value, etc.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 but I have looked at the opposite sex when I have been out and about. Is it normal to not ever see anyone that I find attractive ? If your not seeing anything... you need some professional mental help. Do not date yet. Good chance you are suffering from the results of whatever your relationship was like. Put your head and heart right before dating.
Cracker Jack Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I think there are lots of someones for just about everyone. The hard part is finding these people. I agree with this completely.
Author Damia Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Hey everyone thanks for the positive comments Jazzari have you had success with internet dating it looks full of minefields? Untouchable fire & iris you are probably right and I am not ready to get into the dating scene yet!Do you think when I am ready I may spot more men that I am attracted too? is that how it works? I live in hope that someone out there will be interested in me.Self-esteem takes a bit of a hammering when infidelity is part of a past relationship but I'm sure everyone here is on the same page about that! Cheers
NoReallyThatHappened Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I think there are lots of people that we can be compatible with in the long term. It's about finding someone who shares core values and beliefs and who is willing to see things through when you hit a rough patch rather than run off to try to find something else without problems (what relationship isn't going to have problems?) After 20 years of marriage it may just take more time for you to be ready to date again. Take time to focus on yourself, figure out your contribution to the demise of your marriage, and THEN get back out there.
Afishwithabike Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I think there are several people with whom we could be compatible and connected. I don't believe in soul mates or the idea there is ONE person out there just for us. That to me seems like a very romanticized way of looking at life. My two cents. The hard part is of course finding just one of those people with whom we're compatible.
Nexus One Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Is there really someone for everyone? Depends on how you interpret the question. 1. Is there a compatible person for any person on the planet? Answer: Quite probably you could find a compatible person for anyone. 2. Is there an significant other available for everyone? Answer: No, it's simple statistics that make this impossible, because for every 100 women 105 men are born. So there are too few females available on the planet to provide all the males with an SO.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Time is a twisted circle on which we walk and see only small part but if we god or in different dimension we would see all as one part. Future and past at all at ones and maybe even go in to each section. Thank you by the way, RESPECT!
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