tyler11 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 First off, I have never been in a situation like this before. I've only dated girls about my age. I am a 22 year old male and I am legitimately falling for a 17 year old girl. Before someone goes after me for the age gap I have to bring up the fact that she is extremely mature and most of her friends are my age or older. And by mature I mean she is extremely driven and smart, not just physically mature. When we first began speaking I had no idea how old she was since I met her with a group of her older friends. We've been friendly for a few months now and within the last 2 months we have literally been talking and flirting every day, so I know that there is mutual interest. At this point in the relationship, sex is not even an issue. Though I am highly attracted to her, I'm just not exactly comfortable with the illusion that that's what I want her for. I just want to build a loving relationship and the physical part can be put on the back-burner for now. I know other guys that dated younger girls like this and their relationship was sex-driven and that's not what this is at all. What I am getting at is: how I should do approach the situation? I get along really well with her parents (whom she is really close) and I know at her age they will be involved. Simply put, what is your advice on talking to her about a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and how would you suggest we move forward? I want to be forthcoming to her parents, as well. How should I approach them? Thanks.
smudge21 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Considering some of past age differences this is nothing. I don't think the age gap is the issue here, more the age of the girl being only 17 (I don't know where you're from or what the legal ages are, so I'll presume she is legal - here in the UK it's 16). You will always get some people having a go when there's an age gap, but you have to remember that unless those people are directly involved (ie: parents or close friends) then their viewpoints shouldn't matter. If both parties are of legal age, it's none of their concern. When it comes to parents and close friends, then you just need convince them of how you really feel, and that can often mean just repeating yourself over and over again. Telling them what you've said here about how you see the relationship. Some people will take more convincing than others and some people will simply refuse to accept it, but it's your relationship and your life, not theirs. Remember though that although girls do mature faster than boys she still is only 17 so if her parents have an issue with it, then you have to respect that. Maybe be her friend until she turns 18 and then see how you both feel.
robdrm32 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Speaking from experience, you are playing against the odds here bro. Think about where you are in life, and then think about where she is. That is the biggest issue, not age but life stages. She is presumably still in highschool while you are in college or done with it looking to start up your career path soon. Yea it may work out but given that you are at different stages of life its going to be difficult. And you say you want to hold off on the physical part which is great, but at some point it will get to you if you aren't a virgin and she is. Just think about why you dont see more people your age with younger girls, because it very rarely works out. She may act mature, but that doesn't mean she is emotionally mature. And that will be the biggest hurdle, and you def. don't want to find out months down the road.
stillafool Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Where does a 22 year old meet a 17 year old and where and when would you date? Does her parents have a problem with it?
Author tyler11 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 So, I spoke to her best friend this morning and she all but confirmed that the girl is really into me. I am content with being really good friends for a while. I don't want or need to rush into anything with a girl this young and at 22 I'm not in a big hurry either. But I really have strong feelings for her. My plan was to continue to stay close with her and tell her a little bit how I feel about her. I just want her to know because I don't want to lose her because I never talked to her about it. If she wants to date someone else, whatever, that's fine, but I want to lay out my plan. If she's not game, she can do whatever she wants. Thoughts?
tb24 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I don't really see the issue. I'm 25 and was (kinda still am...) going out with an 18 year old. As long as her parents don't mind I don't see a problem. However, that relationship started by her coming on to me
Author tyler11 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 The age of consent where I am is 16, plus I know her family well enough, where I know it would never be a legal issue. I'm just struggling to figure out whether to approach it like any other relationship or if I should take it slow.
smudge21 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Guys her own age will be the ones who rush things - you're better and more considerate than that so take your time but make it clear how you feel (not in any obvious ways - you don't want to scare her off, but more in the way you act when with her). You both are interested in each other and unsure of how to proceed so just go with whatever feels right. You understand the situation and seem to have your head on, so I'm sure you'll do fine.
stillafool Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 The age of consent where I am is 16, plus I know her family well enough, where I know it would never be a legal issue. Well there it is. If she is past the age of consent I don't see any reason to take it slow. You'd better hurry up before someone else gets her.
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