P&R Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Do you have a problem with your significant other going out and getting drunk without you? I've been noticing every time my SO has been going out getting drunk I haven't felt very comfortable. This wasn't a problem until I started reading these forums. It sounds like every other cheating story starts with "I was drunk and...." She doesn't get do it too often but she's been starting to do it more because of one of her friends. Edited July 9, 2011 by P&R
keepsmilin74 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Yep, I have a problem with it. I'd drink but not too much to be drunk if my SO wasn't there, and same goes for him.
oldguy Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Have her drinking habits changed, does she get drunk whenever she drinks? There is a difference between having a few drinks & getting tipsy or getting drunk. Also, is her friend single?
Author P&R Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Have her drinking habits changed, does she get drunk whenever she drinks? There is a difference between having a few drinks & getting tipsy or getting drunk. Also, is her friend single? No she's not. The friends SO is actually what started her drinking problem. Before her friend didn't drink hardly at all, now she drinks all the time. Her SO loves to drink and that is what they do together. My girlfriend is a social drinker and only drinks if others are doing it. She doesn't become drunk often but when she does she worries me. She gets confused and try to befriend total strangers. I noticed she has been drinking more because her friend is starting to enter the stage where she needs a drink to have fun.
oldguy Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 No she's not. The friends SO is actually what started her drinking problem. Before her friend didn't drink hardly at all, now she drinks all the time. Her SO loves to drink and that is what they do together. My girlfriend is a social drinker and only drinks if others are doing it. She doesn't become drunk often but when she does she worries me. She gets confused and try to befriend total strangers. That is a concern. I noticed she has been drinking more because her friend is starting to enter the stage where she needs a drink to have fun. I was a substance abuse Councillor who was raised in an alcoholic home so I've seen the worst of the worst & have a natural bias just because by the time someone came to me wondering if their SO or friend had a problem, they had had one for quite awhile. (I am NOT apposed to drinking just drunks). Talk to her first, if there is no problem she will stop the behavior. If there is a problem she will fight you or try to hide it. If it becomes a true concern do an intervention but I would advise involving a professional to guide you. Which brings me to; AL-ANON, is a great group for victims of substance abusers. If your worried enough to be posting your concerns here you should be talking to these people very soon, like today
Forever Learning Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) I was a substance abuse Councillor who was raised in an alcoholic home so I've seen the worst of the worst & have a natural bias just because by the time someone came to me wondering if their SO or friend had a problem, they had had one for quite awhile. (I am NOT apposed to drinking just drunks). Talk to her first, if there is no problem she will stop the behavior. If there is a problem she will fight you or try to hide it. If it becomes a true concern do an intervention but I would advise involving a professional to guide you. Which brings me to; AL-ANON, is a great group for victims of substance abusers. If your worried enough to be posting your concerns here you should be talking to these people very soon, like today this is great advice. to the OP - I guess it was about 3 months into our 15 year marriage than he became friends with the guy across the street and they started their alcoholic odyssey of drinking together and leaving their wives behind at home. I was 26 at the time, this behaviour continues in him to this day 15 years later, me now being 42. We are divorcing. He also has other mental issues as well, but for the purpose of this comment, I will focus on the alcoholism. Take your situation VERY SERIOUSLY. It is very clearly the path to ALCOHOLISM for your girlfriend if she continues this behaviour with her alcoholic buddy. There is very little positive to be found from hanging out at a bar or club. It will drain your money, become your social support system (all those folks are your friends there, you begin to believe. Especially the bar owner! And then comes the social activities such as dart league, pool / billards, karaoke night, etc etc. She will be sucked in and even harder to leave her activities 'friends' gracefully). Going out to bars / clubs is a catalyst for real physical daily dependency on alcohol, and going there without your spouse is a sure way to be hit on non-stop by others until in a drunken state of poor judgement she caves in to one of them and has a sexual encounter of some type. Alcoholism is very destructive to the lives involved. Take action now, not later. I spent age 26 - age 42 involved with an alcoholic spouse, 15 years. Wouldn't recommend that experience to anyone, but it was mine and I can only share what I know with others to help them avoid the same fate. You really don't want this future agony in your life. All the best to you. Edited July 9, 2011 by Forever Learning
NervisPervis Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 What types of places are they going to "get drunk"? Places where it is common, scratch that, EXPECTED that men and women hook-up? Look. I''m not going to comment on the drinking. Getting drunk for the fun of getting drunk has it's own issues. But doing so at a meat market? I question if the order of preference is getting drunk first. It's party time with the boys. And since a boyfriend/husband getting jealous of a spouse out for a little fun is so 1950's, it's a freebie! PARTY TIME GIRLS!!! She can only beat down the men hitting on her for just so long. Sooner than later, that guy will be not only Sooooo HOT, but just Soooo nice as well. Why do you think they drink at hook-up joints as opposed to anywhere else? Why the hell do you people think they call these places meat markets?
Ginger Beer Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Yes I would have a problem with it for several reasons. - A female friend told me once 'if you men knew what we got up to on girl's nights out, you wouldn't let us out of the house'. - There are only so many times a drunk girl can turn down sexual advances from a man. - There is no need to go to clubs if you're in a relationship. Why do you need to be on a dancefloor with the opposite sex and alcohol if you have a man at home? - The most loyal of girls can be persuaded into doing something by her friends. Even easier if she is drunk. - There is a difference between going out to be noticed and going out to have a good time. Gigs, cinemas, museums etc fall into the latter. Clubs fall into the former.
rafallus Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I like to party too, if she constantly goes out without me, ergo, denying me the fun, it's a ****ty situation regardless. As far as I've experienced, even not highly commited couples tend to go out to parties together. It's one thing, if one of them eg. has to work that night, so can't go, but saying "I'm going to party, you can't go with us" is pretty much rude.
NervisPervis Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 - A female friend told me once 'if you men knew what we got up to on girl's nights out, you wouldn't let us out of the house'. I came to this and other forums 2 years ago specifically to cope with a post-partum clubbing spree my wife was on. That single, little sentence just set my recovery back more than a year.
Ginger Beer Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I came to this and other forums 2 years ago specifically to cope with a post-partum clubbing spree my wife was on. That single, little sentence just set my recovery back more than a year. I don't know what to say to this. This was not intentional but I can only post what I think.
NervisPervis Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 I don't know what to say to this. This was not intentional but I can only post what I think. No, no, no. I applaud that post. This is my issue. Anything that can persuade these ignorant husbands that a GNO is anything BUT just innocent dancing with the girlfriends and chatting is more than welcome by me. The further a post sets me back in my recovery (and I was actually just exaggerating to make a point), the more it may get through a few dense skulls.
Ginger Beer Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 No, no, no. I applaud that post. This is my issue. Anything that can persuade these ignorant husbands that a GNO is anything BUT just innocent dancing with the girlfriends and chatting is more than welcome by me. The further a post sets me back in my recovery (and I was actually just exaggerating to make a point), the more it may get through a few dense skulls. To be fair I can kind of see your point about the recovery thing. I often realise things after the break-up and feel like I've gone back in my recovery. I suppose it makes me realise what I will and won't tolerate in future.
Ginger Beer Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 @NervisPervis, regarding that first post I made, I'm unsure of if I've offended you and/or hurt you by posting that. If I have I apologise.
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