Stupid Girl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 7 days since we "broke up" 6 days since I broke NIC and called him (he didn't pick up though, so does that count?) 4 days since I last saw him, when he randomly showed up at my house to get clothes while he thought I'd be at work This has been a really, really hard, painful week for me. Seeing him the other day really did give me a lot of stupid false hope. I am afraid he won't come back, and afraid I'm deluding myself into thinking there's a chance he'll come back. It's been one week, at what point do you think it's realistic to assume he really won't be coming back? Like for example, if he can't figure himself in a month, is there a more than likely chance he never will?
TheHurtProcess Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 You can't really assume he won't ever come back after any period of time. You could be waiting another week, a month, 6 months, a year to several years. Hell, it could be a decade or even a generation. It's totally possible. There really is so saying whether it will ever happen or when if it does. Perhaps you may not even want him back if/when he does come back. Maybe you are better off assuming that he isn't coming back. Therefore, when he doesn't, you won't be as disappointed and if he does, it's a bonus (or not, depending on where you are as far as the healing process is concerned).
RodG Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 7 days since we "broke up" 6 days since I broke NIC and called him (he didn't pick up though, so does that count?) 4 days since I last saw him, when he randomly showed up at my house to get clothes while he thought I'd be at work This has been a really, really hard, painful week for me. Seeing him the other day really did give me a lot of stupid false hope. I am afraid he won't come back, and afraid I'm deluding myself into thinking there's a chance he'll come back. It's been one week, at what point do you think it's realistic to assume he really won't be coming back? Like for example, if he can't figure himself in a month, is there a more than likely chance he never will? You just never know. You can read stories of people coming back after 20 years. It's more likely at the 3-6 month mark I think...or possible after the summer it seems with all the early spring/summer BU's around here. BUT, the best thing is to move on. I've been trying very hard to force myself to not hold onto hope that she'll come back. I suggest you try, it's hard to do but with time it becomes easier. Everything takes time. Moving on and potential reconciliation. Time, time, time (which goes very slowly when you're in pain) It's still really fresh, but keep up the NC. Figure yourself out. Try not to worry about him.
Author Stupid Girl Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks for the timeline Rod. 3-6 months sounds reasonable, but not reasonable for me sitting around, putting my life on hold, waiting for him to wake up. So I think you're both right. It's just hard to think of it that way now, since all his stuff is still at my house. I'm going to have to see him/deal with him at least one more time in the somewhat-near future. His mom called me today (very rare that she would call me). I didn't hear the ring and she left a voicemail just asking to call her back. I called her back but there was no answer, so I guess I'll wait. I have a feeling either 1 of 2 things happened: 1) he went to his parents' place, and now he wants to get his stuff back from my house, so is sending his mom to do so 2) she still hasn't heard from him and she's worried (I called her ~2 weeks ago when he first moved out because I thought he'd be going to stay with her and his dad, but he wasn't, so I just asked her to call me if he came there so I could get something off him - didn't tell her anything that was going on, though) I feel so anxious and sad. Right now I think no amount of joy in a relationship is worth this sort of suffering.
smudge21 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Right now I think no amount of joy in a relationship is worth this sort of suffering. I can so relate to that line. I know the time I spent with my ex was so good, but now, 3 months since saying goodbye, I just can't help think how easy things would've been if we'd just stayed friends. No heartbreak, no missing her company, no having to cut out mutual friends... can't change the past though. You need to remove all those things that remind you of him out of your life. You say you're NC, but you're not if there's still any chance of him turning up to collect something. Those things are like a special emotional attachment, that is keeping you connected to him. Until everything is gone, and there's no reason for him to come round, you're not really NC. It's the same for him too - he may have gone, but he also knows he has those excuses to come round. As for when or if an ex comes back - well, mine broke NC after 2 months but I couldn't go back. I could only ever go back if so many things changed, and I doubt they ever will. Same has to be for you too - if he came back now, what's changed from the reason you broke up? If nothing changes, then surely the problems are still there and the outcome is obvious. NC really is painfull and there will be time when you screw up. I've done it last week, felt terrible when she didn't respond, but hopefully I've learnt from that mistake. Eventually things do get easier and no one knows what the future holds. You could be well healed and he could come back, or you could meet someone else... no one can say. Stay strong and remember you're not alone.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 You just never know. You can read stories of people coming back after 20 years. It's more likely at the 3-6 month mark I think...or possible after the summer it seems with all the early spring/summer BU's around here. BUT, the best thing is to move on. I've been trying very hard to force myself to not hold onto hope that she'll come back. I suggest you try, it's hard to do but with time it becomes easier. Everything takes time. Moving on and potential reconciliation. Time, time, time (which goes very slowly when you're in pain) It's still really fresh, but keep up the NC. Figure yourself out. Try not to worry about him. Yes, I would agree with the timeline. If they haven't come back in three months, then there's a good chance that it isn't going to happen anytime soon, if ever. If they haven't returned by the six month mark, I think it's safe to say that it's over. Either way, whether it's been a day, a week, a month or a year, you should focus on moving on regardless. Consider it 100% over today and work on healing. Because to tell the truth, there's a good, 90% chance that it is over for good. With that said... Do yourself that favor and start working on yourself, for nobody but yourself. Start exercising/working out. It's healthy and it also supports the release of those "feel good" endorphines. Also start working on creating goals and don't forget to create a deadline to those goals. Even if they were to come back, they aren't going to want to return and stick around if nothing has changed and you were the same person that they left. Plus, you'll notice that people tend to like other successful people. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You'll find your knight in shining armor. I highly doubt that the guy who left you is "the one". A true knight doesn't cower and retreat at the sign of danger. He sticks the battle out and if he dies in the process, he dies with honor. He's no coward.
sleepykitten Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A true knight doesn't cower and retreat at the sign of danger. He sticks the battle out and if he dies in the process, he dies with honor. He's no coward. So very very true-i love it-am going to write it out and stick it on my mirror-my ex was a coward and the sooner I start to remember that and stop feeling rejected, hurt, lost ,the better!
TheHurtProcess Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A true knight doesn't cower and retreat at the sign of danger. He sticks the battle out and if he dies in the process, he dies with honor. He's no coward. So very very true-i love it-am going to write it out and stick it on my mirror-my ex was a coward and the sooner I start to remember that and stop feeling rejected, hurt, lost ,the better! I'm glad you liked it Now I need to come up with something pertaining to my ex-gf to stick on my mirror.
Author Stupid Girl Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 You've got your whole life ahead of you. You'll find your knight in shining armor. I highly doubt that the guy who left you is "the one". A true knight doesn't cower and retreat at the sign of danger. He sticks the battle out and if he dies in the process, he dies with honor. He's no coward. This whole paragraph is so spot on. I just really wanted to believe he is "the one" because we had an amazing connection, we were so similar, he asked me to marry him, etc. I thought what we had was the so good, I wonder if I would be able to find a connection like that again in the future. 4.5 years is a long time, but it's certainly not a lifetime. I have at least 10 good years of dating left in me (right? lol)
TheHurtProcess Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 This whole paragraph is so spot on. I just really wanted to believe he is "the one" because we had an amazing connection, we were so similar, he asked me to marry him, etc. I thought what we had was the so good, I wonder if I would be able to find a connection like that again in the future. 4.5 years is a long time, but it's certainly not a lifetime. I have at least 10 good years of dating left in me (right? lol) I would hope so. I guess that would depend on how old you are. I'm 28, going on 29 in a couple of months. I would like to think that I could reasonably date until I'm 50 or 60, not that I want to be still dating then, but just in case I find myself alone again. Then again, I've heard stories pertaining to old folks who are still dating and getting it on at the nursing home, hahaha. I personally would like to settle down within the next 2-5 years. I certainly was hoping that my ex was "the one" as well. But, I know that eventually I will find the girl of my dreams. We talked about getting married and even tried to have children (good thing that didn't work out, haha). Her and I had an amazing connection as well. We were so much alike. We were best friends and she often told me about how I was the only person she felt completely comfortable around. Just thinking about it really makes me sad. But I know that I have to move on and heal. I have no other choice at this point. I just wish it'd hurry up and happen already. I just want to be healed and not worry about things anymore. Sometimes I find it more annoying that anything because I'm really sick of thinking about her all the time and I want her out of my system for good. Someone who could do what she did isn't worth my time.
sleepykitten Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Just re read the quote i liked in this thread, helped me alot this morning as its day 9 nc and i am wanting to call, text anything!!! I thought i was his one, he told me often enough, i felt so happy and secure and loved, then it all changed. But i think why i am feeling so despondant is i am 38 and have never worried before about meeting someone new as i guess i was in my 20's and just didnt worry, I am 38 now-is that too old to meet someone special, when i go out the only guys who chat me up are in their twenties (i look younger than 38 apparantly) or guys that just want one thing, i have been on 2 dates both were beyond awful, have been broken up 7 weeks now and trying to focus on the positive and be hopeful but those thoughts of my ex keep creeping back, all the closeness etc, guess i just need to ride this one out..again.
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