Bobjtmart Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 The relationship I was in lasted for a year and I’m just wondering if I’m better off without said person. My positives were that: - I was trust worthy & honest - Did romantic things - Was spontaneous at times - Listened when she was upset and tried to do what I could to help things - Constantly tried to become better for her - Talked about the problems I was having & my insecurities in regards to the relationship - Always encouraged her with everything she did - Never stopped her from doing anything (like going out with her friends and etc) - Complemented her & tried to make her feel beautiful - Never tried to change her & accepted her for who she was - I was thoughtful - Protective (not over protective) - Sorry if this sounds like i’m trying to “ talk myself up “ but I’m not ugly & I’m fairly intelligent - Got along with her family really well - Was there for her through her hard times My negatives: - I was a bit insecure - I didn't really open up as much as I could have - A bit jealous though never to the point where i'd get angry at her or anything - I was clingy at times and didn't give her space - Became a bit too passive and didn't really stand up for myself/joked around too much at times - Became a bit too predictable at times - I didn’t completely trust her The reason why I was insecure/didn’t completely trust her is because she left a guy for me of which something happened between us before their relationship was over so throughout the relationship I just felt that “ if she could do that to him there is nothing from stopping her from doing it to me “. I know it was a stupid decision to try and be with someone who had a boyfriend but its just that we had a lot of history together & I never tried to take her away from him, when she talked to me about their relationship I gave her unbiased info on what she should do. She wasn’t very honest/trust worthy person at times as she’d tell white lies & avoid saying things to “ spare “ my feelings which she knew that i didn’t want her to do that. The reason why I became clingy/didn’t give her space at times was that at the time I had just finished school and all of my friends had either UNI or work, my best friend was travelling & I was living with my dad. My mother was about to have some other guys child & everything had just became really stressful so I just wanted to talk to her constantly to keep myself preoccupied. I was always made an effort to be there for her when she needed me but when I needed her she screwed me over as she broke up with me 3 days after my brother had died and had already tried to do something with another guy. For those who read all of this I’m not trying to excuse my mistakes as I know I stuffed up at times & that I could have been better, thank you to all those who help though.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 she seems more at fault here, but nobody here can really give you anything other than their opinion on what you wrote. You seem like you did fine as her boyfriend, what really matters is that you recognized your faults (or things you wish that you had done better). Now are you going to work on those for your next relationship?
Author Bobjtmart Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 she seems more at fault here, but nobody here can really give you anything other than their opinion on what you wrote. You seem like you did fine as her boyfriend, what really matters is that you recognized your faults (or things you wish that you had done better). Now are you going to work on those for your next relationship? Haha, of course. The thing is it was my first relationship and I guess I put up with crap that I shouldn't have because I didn't realise what else was/is out there.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Haha, of course. The thing is it was my first relationship and I guess I put up with crap that I shouldn't have because I didn't realise what else was/is out there. You and me both, but I've got my eyes set on another girl now (3 months out of breakup) I'm still working on my faults but I think I've improved enough to have a better relationship.
Author Bobjtmart Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 You and me both, but I've got my eyes set on another girl now (3 months out of breakup) I'm still working on my faults but I think I've improved enough to have a better relationship. It was quite a large learning experience, from her I kinda realise what I want in a girl and what I won't accept/how I should be acting and etc. Though still things are quite odd to be honest as I'm not sure what makes me so attracted to her as she wasn't that great of a girlfriend. Perhaps just the fact that I can't have her is making me more interested haha.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Perhaps just the fact that I can't have her is making me more interested haha. Yeah, people want what they know they can't have. I went through it too, seemed like I loved my ex more after she broke up with me than when we were together lol. it will pass and you will learn even more about what you are attracted to in a woman. And as you said yourself, It was a learning experience and not just in figuring out what you are attracted to. you figure out what you are attracted to, your faults, their faults, things you wished that you did differently, many social factors, how to communicate, how to tolerate their family... the list goes on and on lol.
Author Bobjtmart Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Yeah, people want what they know they can't have. I went through it too, seemed like I loved my ex more after she broke up with me than when we were together lol. it will pass and you will learn even more about what you are attracted to in a woman. And as you said yourself, It was a learning experience and not just in figuring out what you are attracted to. you figure out what you are attracted to, your faults, their faults, things you wished that you did differently, many social factors, how to communicate, how to tolerate their family... the list goes on and on lol. Thanks for the help , hopefully in the next relationship I have things will be better/more mature & I actually meet someone who truly wants to be with me.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks for the help , hopefully in the next relationship I have things will be better/more mature & I actually meet someone who truly wants to be with me. Now that's the spirit!!! stay in that mindset, it'll do wonders for you.
Author Bobjtmart Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Now that's the spirit!!! stay in that mindset, it'll do wonders for you. How do you deal with knowing that your ex is going to be with other people though? Its to an extent depressing knowing that shes going to be " intimate " with other guys and etc. Would getting over said problem only happen when I'm completely over her/have my eyes on someone else ?
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Please she's nothing special. Someone who jumps from person to person is nothing catchy except for the fact that they're selfish. I know you're hurting from this and it'll take you a couple months to a year but trust me, you'll be glad you're through with her. Then you'll be able to move on to someone worthy of your love. Good luck man.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 How do you deal with knowing that your ex is going to be with other people though? Its to an extent depressing knowing that shes going to be " intimate " with other guys and etc. Would getting over said problem only happen when I'm completely over her/have my eyes on someone else ? it's different from person to person. What helped me was whenever I had one of those thoughts of her getting intimate with someone else I would just let the thought come and go, I didn't try to fight it or anything. it's normal to have those fearing thoughts and I don't think finding someone else will really help the thoughts go away. I think after you have healed up to a certain point you may still have those thoughts but you won't hold any emotion towards them.
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