aussie_bloke Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 G'day guys, I really need some advice. My ex broke it off with me about a week ago, we had been together for 4 years. She told me that she is unsure how she feels, she says loves me but she does not feel like she is "in love". She asked for space so she can sort out how she feels. At first I did the usual wussy begging her to try and work it out however this didnt help, at which time i found an ebook about the whole no contact thing. So as of a couple of days ago I told her I agree we need space and I would not contact her anymore. She text me that night a bit angry about this, but it was afterall her own idea. I havent heard from her since. So that was a few days ago. She went out to the clubs last night with some of her girlfriends and posted up photos etc on facebook which is not the kind of thing they usually do, i think it may have been for the benifit of knowing I would see it. I just need some advice if no contact is the best way i should go with this? I really love her and I thought we would get engaged in the not too distant future. I think we fell into a comfortable boring sort of rut, doing the same things all the time. Should I not contact her and see if she comes back or should I be trying to show her that we can still have fun together and things can be fixed? Any advice is a big help, Thanks, Steve
vsmini Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 It's always a bit of a red flag when the person your with calls for a break up and when you finally get around to agreeing with them or start letting them have their space they get all upset. Guess they don't like the feeling of rejection either, eh? The Facebook picture posting was a stupid and immature thing to do. Maybe what you said about the boring rut was right and wants to feel that feeling of being chased again. I think No Contact is the best way to go. If you start begging or moping around you're just going to start playing head games with each other and nothing will get sorted out. Stick with no contact. STOP checking her facebook profile. Because that technically is a form of contact. She wanted the break, she has the stuff to sort out so SHE can come to you when she has something important to say. I think the best thing you can do at this point is start taking the steps towards moving on. She isn't guaranteeing you a future with her so you shouldn't be waiting on the sidelines like a fallback boy. Take the steps to move on now so you can be better prepared when she comes back to talk with you.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Yes No Contact is the way to go... 1.) It gives you the chance to heal and move on 2.) if she comes back during this time then great, if not then you're already healing. Can't really go wrong with NC. Out of curiosity... what book did you get?
Author aussie_bloke Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 G;day guys, thanks for the replies. The book I got was 'how to get her back for good' by George Karanstais. It was a good read. I thought I was doing alright until the facebook rubbish. I guess NC is the way to go, just seems im the one loosing out as I don't get her and I'm the one thats cut up about it where she is out doing who knows what. I think that despite the NC, she believes I will be here for her when she is ready. Its strange even though she is very facebook active, she has left herself as in a relationship with me. Do you think I should change this, or just ignore it? I know I have to stop looking at her profile but the curiosity is killing me! Thank you again for the replies, I don't really have anyone I can chat with about this. Cheers
Gack Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I totally get you about she is out there doing all the crazy stuff and here you are doing nothing special and being down and in the dumps. I put in a relationship with her after i found out she was contacting another guy. She told me putting it after 3 years of being together was kinda late but it was sweet still. I also wrote a comment telling him to **** off my gf which she remove the whole in a relationship post after she left me the next month. I even asked her if she was angry and she say kinda but if i want to then ok. So if it was ok she still removed it for what? After i found out she went out with the guy and cheated on me and said bad things about me to the guy and possibly her friends when i told her couple stuff should remain private. I change my status to widowed. After soon she change her status to It complicated. When she was already with him and replaced the couple ring i bought for her a few months into our relationship with their own. So fast they bought their. I think my ring on her finger was an eyesore to him. Then shortly later again her status is single. She post photos of him and her together in a group outing and i saw they were sharing food and standing so close their body was touching and she never does that with any other guy except me when i was with her. Now it is in an open relationship. I'm guessing soon she will put in a relationship with him for sure. Previously when she wrote enjoying dinner and whatever thing with my love, i'm sure people still thought she was referring to me. Now that those picture are out i guess the cat is out of the bag and i think sooner or later she will put in a relationship. And he is such a ****face. Everybody told her how handsome i was when we were together and she was so proud yet insecure about us. I comforted her telling her i only have her in my eyes and no other girl will come close. I chose her when i had like more than 10 to choose from who like me from my school and workplace altogether. I was that popular and i chose this playful yet gentle crybaby. I'm sure i would have chose her again and i told her that. 3 years just like that and she just left. All the difficult times her family and friends gave me when she spend lots of her time with me and they weren't happy. And all the mistakes she made and how i forgive her time and time again. Now she just up and left me just like that. Wanna be independent and it not for that guy. Lame excuse she just want me out of her life. She has deleted me from facebook after i made her jealous saying i was out with this girl who appreciated me. When she kept posting all the stuff and i love u crap about that guy that made me feel like **** i persevered. Now 2 comments from me and she folded? Lol! She really is weak and easy to influence. Later on i see her profile through a friend and she said music lift up her mood abit and that guy helped her through it and she is ok now. I was pissed of course. But i took delight that she still could be jealous and b4 she deleted me she went and like all the older posts that mentioned how much i miss her and when i can see her again in general. At first way back on one of the post she comment stop posting all this. And now she like all the other similar posts that she can't stand after we broke up cuz i think it made her annoyed that i didn't give up. After she saw that i move on with my life and the girl she got jealous and emotional and told my friend she wish me all the best with her and she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Last time i did not put the relationship status thing because i like to see her jealous. It was kinda cute and i told her that. If i ever posted what i did after we broke up, if while we were still together she surely would have been so touched and cry. Now she finds it annoying then later on she likes it as if reminding me that was what i promise her and why i'm with another girl or maybe she was thinking what it felt to be my priority. I have not been contacting her for 10 days now. Maybe you should put widowed like me lol. If you make her jealous now instead of letting her string you along till she find someone else and the odds are she did otherwise she would not be like that for nothing. Something must have happened. Don't be her doormat now. Show her she is losing you fast and make her scared. She can't place both feets on 2 different boat. Make her choose or fall into the water lol.
Author aussie_bloke Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks for the reply Gack, I agree this whole facebook thing can be a mess. I'm just really unsure at the moment if this no contact thing is the right thing to be doing, or if people just suggest it as an easier way to move on from the relationship. Obviously she is unsure how she feels, I just don't get how having no contact with her will help our relationship. I know this is probably just one of those 'weak' moments that I guess everyone has. I just wanna call her and sort this out but I suppose thats the worst thing I can do. I get that she broke it off with me, so she obviously can't love me, geez nobody could knowingly put someone through this if they truely loved them I'm sure of it, but it just doesnt seem to help. I really just don't know what to do! Cheers
Gack Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks for the reply Gack, I agree this whole facebook thing can be a mess. I'm just really unsure at the moment if this no contact thing is the right thing to be doing, or if people just suggest it as an easier way to move on from the relationship. Obviously she is unsure how she feels, I just don't get how having no contact with her will help our relationship. I know this is probably just one of those 'weak' moments that I guess everyone has. I just wanna call her and sort this out but I suppose thats the worst thing I can do. I get that she broke it off with me, so she obviously can't love me, geez nobody could knowingly put someone through this if they truely loved them I'm sure of it, but it just doesnt seem to help. I really just don't know what to do! Cheers Well i tried pleading with her at the start and she became annoyed and told me not to text her anymore. If i call her she won't even answer. I told my friend to text her saying how he helped us when things were rough in our relationship and how disappointed he is to see things turn out this way. I went to talk to her dad who could not help me because she doesn't listen to him anymore and he is busy working. I spam emo post on facebook saying how i miss her. I bought presents and wait a day for her and she didn't turn up and wrote a book of my feelings and what i planned about our future in it. You see. I could go on. But the thing is, she is clouded with the new guy (for my case) and is in the honeymoon phrase so whatever i did, it was futile. I only got hurt worse when she did not reply to my text and didn't want to meet me. She used to spend every moment with me and answer all my calls and text. Now.. She avoid all contact and dread spending time with me. When she came to collect her stuff she left in like 2 hours. Wanna meet her friend. So even her new friend is more important now. What i'm trying to say is. When you try contacting her through email, text, calls and going to her house. It irritates her. If she wanted to be with you she will. They will avoid talking to you because they wanna avoid conflict and just don't want to deal with all this right now. Reasons why no contact will help you are 1. If you see the person everyday you won't miss them. No contact allows you to let them miss you. 2. You can heal faster when you don't have to see all the negative replies or no replies which can only make you feel worse. 3. It allows her to not have even more bad feeling towards you when you constantly harass her asking her why this why that. 4. It gives you time for yourself to improve as a person. Self improvement is always good. When she see you in a new light, things can only be better. That the gist of it actually. I know all this and so far i've maintained about 10 days of NC. I don't know when she will awaken from this fun time she is having. I still have mixed feeling about wanting her back and i replayed what i will say to her in my head countless times when the thought comes. It not easy letting go of my 1st serious love. But i can't control her actions and if she wants to be like that. I can't do anything to control it so i try to not think about things i can't control and focus on what i can do to improve myself. Maybe as time pass i might not want her back anymore or i could be with another girl. Now i'm still pained. Time will make it better, i don't have that severe heart crush and crying bouts i had after we just broke up. But now and then very often i think of her in the places i been with her when i happen to go there. I am still in shock how she could leave me like that when we were so loving. I guess maturity play a big part in making decisions. And obviously when you make irresponsible choices. People who love you suffer because of that. I hope you can see how similar our stories are and hopefully glean something from it.
Kilty Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Ah - She is "unsure how she feels and wants some space" ? Right good for her. First thing to do is put your hand down your trousers to remind yourself of the balls you have then you give her what she wants. Number 1 - Definitely no contact whatsoever. That includes ignoring any contact from her unless its "we need to talk" then you take it from there. Number 2 - This girl is in no doubt how you feel right ? You have done all the pleading & begging crap right ? So what more is it you want to say to her ? You have said it all - its now up to her. She has to be the one initiating any contact and for that see Number 1 Dont worry about her forgetting about you or moving on due to you being out the picture. If thats going to happen its going to happen regardless of what you do. Pushing her or pressuring her anymore can only work against you. Also if she does move on then she wasnt worth it. Number 3 - Either delete and block her from Facebook or deactivate your account and stay away from it for good. Face it - she may put up worse pics in the future if she meets someone else and how are you going to feel about that ? Its only going to give you more heartbreak and keep your human curiousity motivated to snoop around her profile seeing what she is up to If you receive any contact regarding this you ignore it unless pushed when you respond with "you are moving on and i need to move on too - this is what you want" Number 4 - Dont play any games regarding No Contact. If you are pushed into telling her you are doing this or have already done so then dont go back on it a few days or weeks later if it comes to that with inane contact to get a response/fix - She has to be in no doubt you mean it and anything less will make her realise you are playing a game to get her back - women are expert at this. Number 5 - do not let your emotions cloud over the reality. Look at the facts. She has more or less says she doesnt think she is in love with you. So accept that. Dont go assuming she is wanting chased, unsure what she wants or anything like that. The only way you could take this girl back is if she says she has made a mistake and she does love you. So be realistic and ask yourself what are the chances of that ? Sorry but they are not good - and even less so if you allow yourself to be some sort of crutch or doormat and being easily accessible to her. She will be feeling guilty and will want to ease her conscience and you being in contact with her after the breakup makes this easy. The book you bought will give you just as good advice. K
Author aussie_bloke Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks Kilty, thats some damn good advice, what you have said is spot on, I just hope it gets easier sometime soon! I seem to be doin alright for a bit then i end up feelin cut up again. Cheers mate
Kilty Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 We are all the same bro We are not better than you or find it easier to deal with these situations and sometimes wish we could take our own advice and be emotionally detached from it. Its just we have been through it all as well and have learned from our own mistakes And we all get setbacks - you are not alone Good luck
Movingthrough Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 You are feeling the normal feelings that come with NC. You have a relationship, the other person breaks it off, you go NC, they continue their life "happy" and good, you fee like NC is a joke because they seem to care less if you contact anyway. They way you have to look at NC is a different way. Its not really NC, its "there is nothing else i can do at this moment". The fact is when someone says "i need space" or "i dont feel it", its really hard on the dumpee, but it also says that at this point there is nothing else you can do. Its easier said then done but if you want to have any chance to have this girl in your life again, just play it cool let her be. It forces the person to see what its like when you arent around, thats when the real decision can be made. I made all the mistakes in the beginning like you did and can say a year later i still hear from my ex with messages like "i miss you" etc etc. A lot of the time people who breaks things off in ways that are not mature and come out of nowhere, have no idea how to deal with their own self. Someone who breaks up with you after years then hits the clubs to show the world on facebook is running from something. The million dollar question has always been "how can i know all of this and still want them?". I dont know, its like a drug and you are used to it maybe, but most of the dumpees on here are dealing with huge problems in themselves which indirectly ended their relationship, or immature partners that dont know what is going on in or out of a relationship.
Author aussie_bloke Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks for your thought movingthrough. I have just read your theory on NC and it has got me thinking about my situation. I am doing NC only because I want to get back with my gf, not because I am out of things to do or say or because I want to feel better. When she broke it off I did beg her to try and sort it out, but we didnt actually sit down and talk things through and I have an overwhelming need to know more about why the hell she is doing this. I really WANT to go coo coo and get all these emotions out of my system, especially if she is going to go out to the clubs and play with the things that come with that sort of social environment. I don't know if I have gone into NC too early or in an unready state. I really just wish I knew if I stood a chance at fixing things with her or not. If I knew it was over for good it would be so much easier to NC and move on. The more I read this forum the more I find ppl who suggest NC as the best way forward but I don't see many people that actually get their second chance. I just really don't know if I need to make things worse with her before I can get better, if that even makes sense. I just wish there was an option that showed some glimmer of getting rid of the way I am feeling now, be it with her or without her. Thank you again for your advice, I look forward to your thoughts.
Movingthrough Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your thought movingthrough. I have just read your theory on NC and it has got me thinking about my situation. I am doing NC only because I want to get back with my gf, not because I am out of things to do or say or because I want to feel better. When she broke it off I did beg her to try and sort it out, but we didnt actually sit down and talk things through and I have an overwhelming need to know more about why the hell she is doing this. I really WANT to go coo coo and get all these emotions out of my system, especially if she is going to go out to the clubs and play with the things that come with that sort of social environment. I don't know if I have gone into NC too early or in an unready state. I really just wish I knew if I stood a chance at fixing things with her or not. If I knew it was over for good it would be so much easier to NC and move on. The more I read this forum the more I find ppl who suggest NC as the best way forward but I don't see many people that actually get their second chance. I just really don't know if I need to make things worse with her before I can get better, if that even makes sense. I just wish there was an option that showed some glimmer of getting rid of the way I am feeling now, be it with her or without her. Thank you again for your advice, I look forward to your thoughts. Thanks for the kind words. The thing with NC and the thing with a lot of what you read about it, is coming from people that are already over their break up (most of the time) and its real easy for them to say "go NC". NC is so hard because most of the time people are not ready for it. Is it the best thing to do overall? Yeah it is, the problem is its very hard. I wont lie, most of the people that went strict NC from the beginning have had their ex come back BUT i dont mean that like it has worked out, but when the dumper thinks "Wow this person hasnt even tried to contact me when i have been ignoring them" they go crazy and try to contact. In a perfect world this is what you and all of us would or would have done (and no i didnt do this, wish i had). The minute its over and the comments roll out, "i just dont feel the spark", "its not you its me", go NC. It shows them you are strong, confident and wont let them bring you down, it makes them think twice. But with most dumpers just blowing it off out of nowhere, it makes it almost impossible. In my breakup which is coming up on a year, i did everything you could do wrong from the start BUT i did it within reason. I would email her once a week and should would respond, thats all i did. That was after 3 weeks strict NC where she went nuts because i was "cutting her out of my life". After the emails ended and she was very much "in love" with someone else (about a week after me), time went by. Communication would always pop up somehow and after i was NC with her strictly for months on end, she went behind my back and ran her mouth to a friend, something i posted on here, in my opinion to draw me out. More time went by and i sent her an email, it was against "NC policy" but i didnt care, it was things i needed to say now that months had gone by and things had died down. In typical fashion she resonded a week later basically making no sense, i told her good luck with everything and good bye, she threw out a "ok if thats how you want it" message which i didnt respond too. Fast forward literally six months later with zero contact whatsoever. This girl still will randomly call or text me saying she misses me and trying to be cool, the minute i respond i dont hear from her for months, typical i have no idea what i want dumper fashion. The point of me bringing this all up is you are going to go through some stuff. Do not think that if you go NC that its done, all over and they will forget about you. They wont. I know 100% that my ex has feelings for me a year later, even though she is most likely living with a new guy totally "in love". A lot of people are afraid of NC because they think its the end, trust me they will come crawling back in some form and thats when you will have to be strong. If you really want a shot at getting this girl back you have to go against your instincts and pretty much blow her off, she has to come to you or it will never happen. Edited July 9, 2011 by Movingthrough
betterdeal Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Include inbound information in the losing contact process, so that means Facebook and any other information channels. The aim is to separate. To become yourself without her. When you first bonded, you guys were separate from one another. If you want a fighting chance of (a) a new relationship and (b) for it to not breakdown again, with her or anyone else, become yourself again. Think about what happened, why it got into that boring rut, what you can improve in yourself next time, and do stuff you enjoy. That last bit is important. Be it playing footy, or going for a beer with the boys, you need to have some fun. It feeds the soul.
BCCA Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 She put up that facebook crap for a reason; she wants you to see that she is out having fun without you, and slowly detaching from the relationship. She is indirectly telling you to do the same. And take the bull by the horns here, undo that 'in a relationship' stuff, because you aren't anymore. She's only leaving it up so she feels like her safety net is in place. As soon as she meets the next guy, it'll be gone and you likely unfriended. The 'I don't know how I feel' 'I love you but I'm not in love' crap is classic. She's trying to dump any and all guilt she might have about the split off of her. She's dumping you, plain and simple. You don't leave a guy open for other girls if you really want him for yourself. Even if she came back, would it ever be the same? How could you be sure this wouldn't happen again? Go no contact, change the in a relationship thing, and unfriend her so you don't see her updates any longer. Do it now, and accept there's about a 5% chance this will end with her coming back for the long haul. I'm sorry man, but I've been on this ride before, and its always the same ending.
Author aussie_bloke Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks for your thoughts guys. I have changed the relationship crap on fb. I had another sleepless night last night, it's really starting to get to me how much this is screwing me up. I can appreciate your perspectives on NC, I am really just feeling that if theres only a tiny chance this will bring her back then I may aswell break NC, get all this $hit off my chest and then try and start all over again. I'm not set on it yet, I will take the day to think about it and see how I feel tonight, I'm just over feeling like a worthless loser! I also feel as if she may try and come back sometime in the future, after she has finished doing all this crap when she realises its not who she really is or what she wants, however at that time I don't really know if things could be resolved. For me its really fix it now or bugger off forever kinda thing. Ahhhhh I just don't know what to do, my head and my heart tell me completely different things and I'm just stuck in limbo. Thank you for the help, I do appreciate it
BCCA Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 See, you're thinking about NC all wrong. Like most people that are fresh off a dumping only think about NC from a perspective of 'will it bring them back' when that's not even what its for. There is no magic way to make someone come back, its completely out of your control. As soon as you can accept that (which does take time) the sooner you'll realize that talking to her is totally pointless. Breaking no contact to get 'stuff off your chest' is a trick your mind plays on you. You're mind is trying to come up with things to do to rationalize keeping communication open so you can try and trap her in your life. You're desperation is getting the best of you, and you want to figure out how to get a reaction from your ex. What you're missing is that doing things that way is NEVER going to accomplish what you want, while giving her time to see what missing you is like makes her at least question her decision (though as I said, its unlikely she'll change her mind). No matter what you say to her, or how you say it, all she is going to hear is 'I want you back and I'm desperate'. Also, ditch the idea that she's going to come back. Its very, very unlikely, I'm sorry to say. That again is your mind trying to talk you into holding out hope for the unlikely. You WANT her to come back, but don't be a doormat. You need to move on like she's gone for good.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 She put up that facebook crap for a reason; she wants you to see that she is out having fun without you, and slowly detaching from the relationship. She is indirectly telling you to do the same. And take the bull by the horns here, undo that 'in a relationship' stuff, because you aren't anymore. She's only leaving it up so she feels like her safety net is in place. As soon as she meets the next guy, it'll be gone and you likely unfriended. Not necessarily.... a lot of people during a breakup, dumper and dumpee, will get into an undeclared competition with each other. Basically the dumper has the thought that "I could do so much better without them" and they basically advertise to everyone that their world rocks (whether it really does or not, it doesn't matter). It's another way for the dumper to justify their decision in doing the dumping. From what I've seen, sometimes the dumpee will take part in this competition and do the same (advertising their great life). if the dumper sees the dumpee's great life and realize that their(dumper) life isn't so great they sometimes will go back for a second chance. Now note that I said SOMETIMES because certain people will ramp up this competition and keep it going until both people finally move on. All of this is fine IF it's healthy competition, when it becomes bad (letting each other know about sexual experiences, or explaining about their new mate) then it becomes immature and a waste of time completely.
betterdeal Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 BCCA is right. You are making excuses to talk to her. This is normal, we've all done it, and you'll probably have that conversation, regret it and be here telling us how crappy it feels afterwards. It's cool. It happens. Think of NC as being a goal. It's what you're aiming for. Your relationship is over, you guys have split up and now you're tidying up the loose ends. As crap as the present may feel, it is the only time in which you exist, and your need for a good night's sleep is your number one priority. Block her on Facebook, email and your phone. In fact, change your phone number. If you aren't ready to do that, switch your phone off after 9pm. Seriously, knowing that she cannot contact you will give you peace of mind. It will help you sleep better. If your sleep doesn't improve much, try some Valerian root extract. If that doesn't help, see you doc about sleeping tablets. Getting a good night's sleep is your number one priority. Not so long ago, before the Internet and SMS, you'd probably be out of contact with her by now and feeling a lot better than you do now. Think like this: if you can't say if face to face, don't say it. Write letters, by hand, put them in a safe place and re-read them 3 days later. See how you feel about what's in them then. Give it at least six months before you even consider being friends with her. Six months of no contact, no news, no nothing. Stop trying to plan the future in order to repair the past, and instead fix your present problems so that you can enjoy what you do have. Don't be sad it's over - be happy it happened.
Forever Learning Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 BCCA is right. You are making excuses to talk to her. This is normal, we've all done it, and you'll probably have that conversation, regret it and be here telling us how crappy it feels afterwards. It's cool. It happens. Think of NC as being a goal. It's what you're aiming for. Your relationship is over, you guys have split up and now you're tidying up the loose ends. As crap as the present may feel, it is the only time in which you exist, and your need for a good night's sleep is your number one priority. Block her on Facebook, email and your phone. In fact, change your phone number. If you aren't ready to do that, switch your phone off after 9pm. Seriously, knowing that she cannot contact you will give you peace of mind. It will help you sleep better. If your sleep doesn't improve much, try some Valerian root extract. If that doesn't help, see you doc about sleeping tablets. Getting a good night's sleep is your number one priority. Not so long ago, before the Internet and SMS, you'd probably be out of contact with her by now and feeling a lot better than you do now. Think like this: if you can't say if face to face, don't say it. Write letters, by hand, put them in a safe place and re-read them 3 days later. See how you feel about what's in them then. Give it at least six months before you even consider being friends with her. Six months of no contact, no news, no nothing. Stop trying to plan the future in order to repair the past, and instead fix your present problems so that you can enjoy what you do have. Don't be sad it's over - be happy it happened. betterdeal, you inspire me with everything you have to say around here. thank you so much for sharing your amazing gift of insight with us all. the good night's sleep bit is absolutely a must, turning off the phone at night is a super idea. Sleep is an essential component of sanity. And, a simple, peace life is a gift like no other after long periods of high drama, confusion and sleepless nights. Peace and simplicity are things I really cherish now after having lived otherwise. Thanks again.
luvbug89 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Personally, aussiebloke and others, I'm not a fan of using NC to try and get them back. I was dumped 4 weeks ago, went NC with him for no more than 10 days, then my 'plan' worked. He missed me and eventually broke NC and we worked things out. Big fail, because a week after we 'got back together' he went through the same old, "IDK what I want" BS and ended up dumping me, again. After this recent breakup (which will be a week tomorrow, Sunday) I said what I had to say and hung up the phone and remained strictly NC since. Should've learned my lesson from the first time, but we learn things from experience. Now, I'm not doing NC to get him back or for him to 'miss' me. I'm doing NC for me, because I realize my worth and know that I'm not going to settle on a grown man who still doesn't know. It shouldn't take your absence to appreciate your presence. If they only want you when you go, they don't want you enough.
CaliBabe Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Use this time to date other people, you might end up liking it!
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