luv2run Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 So I posted here once before but did not recieve any replies...I am hoping this time will be different! I have been "dating" this guy for over a month and we have only seen each other three times. The first two dates were normal, saw each other once a week and had a pretty good connection. After that we didn't see each other for awhile (I mention this in my first post) but during this time apart he text me almost daily. Eventually (this is about a three week period) I get tired of the "how are you" game and tell him I don't think we should continue as we live an hour apart. After this text he calls me (finally) and says that no distance is not a problem and we both have been busy but he would still like to see me, so i say ok. We meet up last weekend and have a pretty good time and get somwhat initmate--I think I did this in the hopes of building intimacy (i normally don't do this kind of thing but i got carried away and it has been awhile). Now after this date....all he has done is gone back to his daily how are you text. I don't know what to make of this! Its the following weekend and no call, no date, no reason but.....how are you?...every day? Is this weird to anyone else? Maybe he senses a lack of interest of interest on my part, but wouldn't my actions show otherwise? I guess I wanted to see if anyone can make anythig of this ? I dont initiate text anymore (i did in the beginning) but after receiving such a lukewarm level of interest from hiim...i can't. I don't know what to do at this point....If he was showing real interest, I would be totally into it. Should i let him continue texting and see how it goes? Fade out? Explain that his lack of effort is making me end it --i think this would come off as needy and it woud be my second time doing this. Any advice/comments would be appreciated!
thatone Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 talking to us isn't going to do any good, you gotta talk to him and tell him you're not happy with a text message based relationship. he'll either agree and make more time for calls and meetings, or not and that'll be the end of it.
strawberryshortstack Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Be honest with him. If it were me, I'd be walking away, but telling him why.
Author luv2run Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 talking to us isn't going to do any good, you gotta talk to him and tell him you're not happy with a text message based relationship. he'll either agree and make more time for calls and meetings, or not and that'll be the end of it. Thanks for the reply but I feel like I did this already...when I told him I didn't think it would be best for us to continue due to distance and he called me....I kinda said that. So i guesss I thought things would be different. I was just trying to see if anyone could make sense of this. Obviously he thinks of me each day to send the daily text but that's all. I guess I trying to figure out his motive for this....if he really wasn't that interested why call me and drive the two hours to see me? I just wanted some opinions since I like him and was hoping to progress the relationship without appearing needy.
bluenightowl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I would also talk to him first. Clearly you are not getting what you want out of this dating situation and he is 1 hour away. I would likely also walk, but perhaps not until I've talked to him. There is something about breakups / not seeing someone that creates an intense attraction all of the sudden. Overall however, people usually don't change.
GildedLily Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 No need to explain how you feel, he'll continue to communicate on his own level of comfort. He's not emotionally available and his texting and lack of asking you out in advance for the weekend shows this. He has a low interest level and nothing you say will change this.
oldguy Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) (i normally don't do this kind of thing but i got carried away and it has been awhile). Slightly off topic, & I'm not saying this is the case here but I have a question; Are people who say, "I USUALLY don't do this sort of thing", (whatever it is), while they are doing it with you, embarrassed that they usually do, do this sort of thing'' whatever it is? I just recall thinking that was a line, but I'm not so sure anymore. Again, I'm not judging here & I realize I've taken this quote of context anyway but I am curious. I dont initiate text anymore It's only been a week & if your simply responding to him he may be asking the same questions you are. Thanks for the reply but I feel like I did this already...when I told him I didn't think it would be best for us to continue due to distance and he called me....I kinda said that. So i guesss I thought things would be different. But am I correct; you went on a date with him afterwards? That would make this statement null & void. Especially if you, 'kind of said it' Obviously he thinks of me each day to send the daily text but that's all. I guess I trying to figure out his motive for this....if he really wasn't that interested why call me and drive the two hours to see me? I just wanted some opinions since I like him and was hoping to progress the relationship without appearing needy. You said it all in this quote. Don't mistake appearing needy with showing some interest. Edited July 9, 2011 by oldguy
bac Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 There is no progress in your emotional connection with the guy. In general, you can build emotional connection by emails, skype or phone if you are the right match for each other. If you have things in common, you can sense it without frequent meetings. Neither meetings nor sex can change him if he is wrong for you. He feels comfortable with no emotions and it is who he is. It is probably the best he can do. Some people cannot build emo connection and they are capable and comfortable only with ONSs and FWBs. It is a genetic feature called low emotional intelligence.
Author luv2run Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 . Slightly off topic, & I'm not saying this is the case here but I have a question; Are people who say, "I USUALLY don't do this sort of thing", (whatever it is), while they are doing it with you, embarrassed that they usually do, do this sort of thing'' whatever it is? I just recall thinking that was a line, but I'm not so sure anymore. Again, I'm not judging here & I realize I've taken this quote of context anyway but I am curious. Oldguy...I am not sure I am following your question and would like to answer since you are curious. For the most part, I believe it when someone says i usually don't do this sort of thing...otherwise why say it? (Espcially on this forum, there would be no need to explain). So yeah I don't think its a line. In any case, while i was doing "it" (not sex) no I wasn't embarrasessed, I was going with how I felt at the moment. In retrospect, I realized why I acted out of character, my attempt to progress.
Author luv2run Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 No need to explain how you feel, he'll continue to communicate on his own level of comfort. He's not emotionally available and his texting and lack of asking you out in advance for the weekend shows this. He has a low interest level and nothing you say will change this. Yes thanks that is what i am thinking. I got his daily text today...this time kinda explaining what he is busy with this weekend. I am still debating if I should even reply!
blueskyday Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I would text back that you are disappointed you can't see him this weekend, and that you were hoping to spend some time with him because he is so much fun to be around....but that you will make other plans (be vague.) This is not needy, this is what dating and relationships are about. If I didn't get a response for making plans next weekend, then I would nicely communicate that you don't think he has time to pursue a relationship or dating situation right now. See ya!
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