mywreckedworld54 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I am almost on week 8 of NC and I have not heard one single solitary peep out of her. I am starting to get worried here. Any advice?
RodG Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 From what I've read that isn't long at all. Mine hasn't said anything for over a month, the last thing being some pretty harsh and damning things. But I'm still pretty sure some day I'll hear from her. Two months is not long. Maybe after six months would I really think that the person is seriously never going to say anything ever again. Just stay strong on your NC. You just never know.
geegirl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 (edited) When you NC, it's supposed to be a choice, a choice to find healing, to emotionally detach from the ex, to let go of all hope and to move on with your life. You're not supposed to be sitting there x'ing the days on the calendar waiting to hear from her at some point, for reconciliation or some sign of interest. NC is not used to try to get the ex back. It's solely for you. You've spent 2 months waiting, hopeful instead of concentrating on re-building your life and moving on. So, now that you haven't heard from her...now what? Continue to sit there and wait indefinitely for contact or take it as a sign that you must move on? If she contacts in time, great. You'll be well on your way to being an emotionally and mentally stronger you. Use this time to focus on you versus counting the days as to when she will come a calling. Edited July 8, 2011 by geegirl
TheHurtProcess Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I am almost on week 8 of NC and I have not heard one single solitary peep out of her. I am starting to get worried here. Any advice? Why get worried? Throw a party. You're single. You can do whatever you want. We're free!!! On serious note, the others are right. Don't wait around. Take this time to work on yourself and heal. Create a few goals and work on some achievements. Do you think that anyone would want to come back to the same old you anyways. I personally don't like the old me. The old me settled for my ex. I settled for the small, insignificant, mediocre lifestyle that we had together. I stopped caring about the future, my goals and achievements altogether. The old me is back and I can finally make something of myself and show her exactly what she's missing out on and what she could have had if she only would have been a little more patient and took the time to work together. Oh well, forget her. If she can't be there for me when I'm struggling, I'm not going to let her enjoy the finer times of my life when I'm successful. I'll find someone else a little more deserving of the greatness that lies ahead. She can have her mediocre, mundane life. I've got better days ahead. Just wait
Stupid Girl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 When you NC, it's supposed to be a choice, a choice to find healing, to emotionally detach from the ex, to let go of all hope and to move on with your life. You're not supposed to be sitting there x'ing the days on the calendar waiting to hear from her at some point, for reconciliation or some sign of interest. NC is not used to try to get the ex back. It's solely for you. You've spent 2 months waiting, hopeful instead of concentrating on re-building your life and moving on. I don't necessarily agree with that. I think NC can be used for many different purposes. I think there are situations whereby NC is the only way that an ex realized they want to come back...... (But maybe I'm only saying that because that's what I hope.)
whatdoido1717 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 The worry will fade as you stay No Contact. And, as they say in Swingers, once you have reached that final point where you don't care anymore, that is probably when you will hear from her. You are doing awesome. Just keep bettering yourself and try not to overly worry about it.
geegirl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) I think there are situations whereby NC is the only way that an ex realized they want to come back...... Yes, but that solely depends on the ex. as to whether he gets to that realization or not. You have no control over the effects of NC on your ex. What if he doesn't? You should never be sitting around and pondering and being hopeful while you wait for him to realize it, instead you should be using NC to focus on you, bettering yourself, detaching and healing. If by then they come back, you'll have gained emotional and mental clarity to decide whether the R is something you want to work on or if you're better off without. You'll be able to make smart, rational decisions versus emotionally driven decisions. And if they don't, that time and what you've done during that time for yourself will have propelled you to a happier and healthier you. Edited July 9, 2011 by geegirl
stray Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 "NC" is really only good for one thing: forcing us to accept that our exs are not coming back. In the beginning of NC, we ALL hope that NC will make them come back. Then we get to a point where we go, "oh f**k, it doesn't look like they're coming back, it's been x-amount of weeks and they haven't called", only THEN do we have no choice but to realize and acknowledge they're not coming back, and thus the process of getting through the break-up actually begins. Before then, we're all kind of in limbo - "will they call, do they miss me, omg their horoscope says they're having a great day, wtf, life isn't fair", and so forth. When we have concrete PROOF they're not coming back, we start move on, even if it's really slowly. It's just the way our brains are programmed to work. So, the point you're at in the NC process is right on target, actually. The ex hasn't come back, now what? Now you have to answer this question for yourself: what if she never comes back? Start wrapping your mind around that, as tough as that is. Believe it or not that incredibly depressing thought is the key to actually getting over your ex and not wanting them anymore.
sleepykitten Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Why get worried? Throw a party. You're single. You can do whatever you want. We're free!!! On serious note, the others are right. Don't wait around. Take this time to work on yourself and heal. Create a few goals and work on some achievements. Do you think that anyone would want to come back to the same old you anyways. I personally don't like the old me. The old me settled for my ex. I settled for the small, insignificant, mediocre lifestyle that we had together. I stopped caring about the future, my goals and achievements altogether. The old me is back and I can finally make something of myself and show her exactly what she's missing out on and what she could have had if she only would have been a little more patient and took the time to work together. Oh well, forget her. If she can't be there for me when I'm struggling, I'm not going to let her enjoy the finer times of my life when I'm successful. I'll find someone else a little more deserving of the greatness that lies ahead. She can have her mediocre, mundane life. I've got better days ahead. Just wait Brilliant-I love this.
Mack05 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 I personally don't like the old me. The old me settled for my ex. I settled for the small, insignificant, mediocre lifestyle that we had together. I stopped caring about the future, my goals and achievements altogether. The old me is back and I can finally make something of myself and show her exactly what she's missing out on and what she could have had if she only would have been a little more patient and took the time to work together. Oh well, forget her. If she can't be there for me when I'm struggling, I'm not going to let her enjoy the finer times of my life when I'm successful. I'll find someone else a little more deserving of the greatness that lies ahead. She can have her mediocre, mundane life. I've got better days ahead. Just wait Inspirational! Mywrecklife after reading your threads, you need to find a Therapist and FAST!!!
cjo1978 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Stray, you are spot on. this is the turning point now where you realise she isnt coming back and you move on. i went nc with an ax and it took her 3 years to come back and another took 2 months. start concentrating on yourself now and if she somes back she comes back. who knows when she comes back you might not be interested anymore.....
TaintedHeart Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 "NC" is really only good for one thing: forcing us to accept that our exs are not coming back. In the beginning of NC, we ALL hope that NC will make them come back. Then we get to a point where we go, "oh f**k, it doesn't look like they're coming back, it's been x-amount of weeks and they haven't called", only THEN do we have no choice but to realize and acknowledge they're not coming back, and thus the process of getting through the break-up actually begins. Before then, we're all kind of in limbo - "will they call, do they miss me, omg their horoscope says they're having a great day, wtf, life isn't fair", and so forth. When we have concrete PROOF they're not coming back, we start move on, even if it's really slowly. It's just the way our brains are programmed to work. So, the point you're at in the NC process is right on target, actually. The ex hasn't come back, now what? Now you have to answer this question for yourself: what if she never comes back? Start wrapping your mind around that, as tough as that is. Believe it or not that incredibly depressing thought is the key to actually getting over your ex and not wanting them anymore. Amazing! So true
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Stray and GeeGirl are spot on! We don't know what's going through our Ex's minds. All we can do is focus on us. Our well being and our healing process. If the Ex's try to come back then great! But, NC is used to heal from a broken relationship, not to force the Ex's to come back. There are examples on here where people have gone NC and healed from this and their Ex's do contact them in the future; however, the NC worked for them and they decide that they didn't want to go back into that relationship again.
English-Rose Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 You're way ahead of me getting to 8 weeks! But it shows it can be done Sounds like you're going through a temporary period of insecurity but it will pass. 2 months isnt long really. Keep strong, how foolish will u feel if u break no contact only for her to reject you? It'll set u back weeks!! I found a really good advice website http://www.howtogetboyfriendback.com/ which is for women but can easily be used by guys too. Worth a look if u need affirmation that no contact is the right way to go around things
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