bluenightowl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Hi, I regularly read on these forums that one should not ask or talk about exclusivity after just a few dates.. maybe wait for a few months. This makes complete sense because ideally both sides should take their time to get to know one another.. and perhaps also date (at least at the beginning) a few other people. But then when it comes to sex you read that many people are having sex by the 4th date some 3rd.. even earlier on occasion. When this happens people generally say you should have exclusive talk before you have sex or around that time.. These two situations seems to compete against one another? My personal feeling is take your time.. but if things get sexual, best to talk about it. Personally, I've almost always had sex by the 5th date, and as a guy I usually nudge towards it.. sometimes women hold back.. and sometimes not.. So which is it? exclusive talk after a few months or on the 3rd date just before sex.
Author bluenightowl Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 I won't have sex without being exclusive. I think you should have the exclusive talk when neither of you are interested in dating others. That can be early or later. I don't think there is any rule that would apply to all. Many people differentiate between exclusive and official bf/gf status. Exclusive means you don't want to see anyone else while you are exploring the relationship. But you aren't quite sure it's going to last. Once you're sure it's the real deal, then you become official bf/gf. Well many people are interested in dating others for several months.. so that doesn't answer the questions of sex. hmm.. well many people don't differentiate exclusive and bf/gf status.. IMHO.. its too close.. well for some people.. at least from my personal experience.. but I totally can see your point and I tend to think along those lines myself.
alexlakeman Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 1. Depends on the age. 2. Depends if alcohol is involved 3. Depends if it's the guy or woman talking... In my case, first date is just fine for sex .... But, in reality I take care of myself too much and sometimes don't bother closing the deal even though I am pretty sure I could on the first date (in those cases that I could)... In the relationship I am in now.. First date I know we could've, but I didn't want to bring her back to my place... so waited until the 3rd date , and talked exclusivity after the fact ... plus STD tests for both..
aliceinchains Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I don't like to have sex outside an exclusive relationship, casual sex never intrigued me and a girl i was dating wanted to change things to open relationship (which also brought news that she was already sleeping with someone else) For me I prefer to have sex and the exclusiveness begin at the same time.
Cee Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 In every relationship I've ever had, I wasn't dating other people and neither was he so exclusivity was established from the beginning. However, it took at least a few weeks before we'd have "the talk" and establish we were in a relationship with a future. Whenever I've dated when he and/or I was dating others, it always fizzled fast. I have no idea why that is, but I believe that I am a "one guy at a time" type person.
carhill Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 My 'talk' is pretty simple. I only have sex within exclusive monogamous relationships and expect the same of my partners. That's it. It's pretty easy to get out of the way right up front, then move on to the business of enjoying each other and building intimacy, should that be the path. My actions support my words. Each of us has choices. If the lady chooses to continue with me, she's disclosed. The way it went on my last dating excursion was the lady asked me how I felt about marriage, seeing as how I was separated, pending divorce. I told her I had liked being married but my exW and I were incompatible and then repeated the above and ended that I hoped to be married someday again. That was on our second date. We dated five times IIRC but neither of us saw real synergy so we parted ways.
Author bluenightowl Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 In every relationship I've ever had, I wasn't dating other people and neither was he so exclusivity was established from the beginning. However, it took at least a few weeks before we'd have "the talk" and establish we were in a relationship with a future. Whenever I've dated when he and/or I was dating others, it always fizzled fast. I have no idea why that is, but I believe that I am a "one guy at a time" type person. I wonder then if multi-dating is an indicator of sorts.. esp. if its well into dating - beyond the 1-2-3 dates. I've tried multi-dating but I could never get past 3 dates before I started to lose track of the stories.. started to feel guilty.. When I've dated people who went beyond that.. ie I've been on 4 dates with them and they are still dating others it also always ended. My sense there though was these were people on the rebound, who were either afraid to trust, or too numb to feel/care about what anyone else felt but themselves.
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