BeavisMom62 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I've already told my story, but for those who don't know here it is quickly. After being married to an alcoholic, drug addict for ten years, who has been unemployed for three years, I've had it. I'm leaving. I've rented a house and will be moving out at the end of the month. (Yippee! Hurray! Yay!!). STBX is, of course, upset about it. His gravy train has run out of gas (yes, I've been supporting him and enabling him all this time) and I do truly believe he loves me. So he is alternating between being angry and upset, to crying and depressed and everything in between. Of course I'm going to need help with my move, even though I have hired movers. I'll need help to pack and unpack and clean, etc. Therein lies the rub. Since he has not only stolen from me and allowed me to support him all of this time, he has also lied and stolen from my family. Of course they (and my friends who I unburden myself on) are not only upset about what he has done to me, but also what has been done to them. So, they don't like him and he HATES everyone that I am associated with. Maybe partly jealousy (he has no friends or family), but also because he feels that they "blame" him unjustly. He is such a pathological liar, that I think that he believes his own lies and absolutely will not admit that he has ever stolen or lied or done anything wrong. THEY are wrong for believing these things about him! He particularly hates my sister, partly because she and I have always been close and partly because she, before any of us, was able to see right through him. Well, my sister is coming here to FL from PA to help with my move and to support me. Also my son and my parents are going to help. However STBX absolutely will not allow anyone in "HIS" house (it is our house that we bought with my GI bill, which I have been paying for, until I had to file bankruptcy). I am truly trying to make this as easy as possible on him. I don't hate him. I'm not even mad at him anymore. I just don't love him and pretty much feel sorry for him. I don't want to hurt him. I hate conflict and negativity! So, how in the world do I get the help that I need when he is going to have a temper tantrum, call people names, yell and scream and act like a jerk? I don't want my family to be hurt by his mouth either. I'm trying to keep peace all around and don't know how. I'm trying to do as much as I can on my own, but I'm a small person with chronic pain in my neck and back, so this move is going to absolutely kill me. What do I do? How do I protect everyone's feelings? Has anyone ever been left (or did the leaving) "nicely"? If so, how do you go about it? I'm not just worried about the physical move, but the actual leaving him, you know? I just want it to be easy... Can anyone help?
Author BeavisMom62 Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 I will be so glad when this is all over. Even though he's put me through hell, I feel bad. He has no job, no money, no car, no friends, no family, no place to go, the house is going into foreclosure. But in the meantime, I have to listen to him muttering under his breath at me, no idea what he's saying. Or I'll be working on the computer and he'll say, "you're having such a good time aren't you? You're laughing at me, aren't you?". Or god forbid if I get a text! "Who are you texting? Your boyfriend? Talking bad about me to your sister? Making fun of me to your friends?". God! For the record, I do NOT have a boyfriend. Don't want one! Never cheated on him or even thought about it. As much as I feel like dancing on the ceiling, I try to keep my emotions low-key so it doesn't seem like I'm bragging or trying to make him feel bad. But I"ll come home from work or come back from doing something at my new house and he'll accuse me of rubbing his face in it or else I'm so energetic because I'm "hopped up on drugs"!!!! Or else he begs for my pain pills. He'll either make up an ailment, exaggerate one he already has or tells me that he NEEDS them so that he can talk to his family on the phone! And since he "can't" talk to his family without pain pills, its MY fault that he hasn't spoken to them! As I said, I have chronic pain and because of the move, its getting worse and will get MUCH worse before the move is over. I get enough for a month, no extra. And even if I didn't need them, why should I continue to enable him NOW? I'm done, finished. I'm so tired of the whining and trying to make me feel guilt for something. Like in the mornings, when I'm leaving to go to work, he's still in bed asleep. Remember, he's unemployed. He would like a kiss goodbye, but this relationship has been over for a while and so has the kisses. So, I'll say goodbye. But he'll be asleep and not hear me, or else if he does hear me, I should have also said "have a nice day" or something. If he's not happy with my parting, he'll call me at work and whine that I "could have at least said goodbye" or something. God. This is the longest month of my life, waiting to escape from this prison.
whichwayisup Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Then write him a letter and explain to him that you DO love him and always will but you do not love the person he's turned into, that you miss the man he used to be..That you hope he gets the help he needs to find himself again. It's okay to be sad, grieve the loss and who he once was, but the person you're married to now is very messed up. You are doing the right thing. I understand you wanting to protect your family, parents etc, but they are grown up's and can fend for themselves against him. Let them help you through this and move. Do you have children with him? If so, make sure they are with their grandparents when you do move out, or trusted friends.
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