bentnotbroken Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Isn't that what we all do? Make assumptions based on what we have seen, read and experienced? Some of actually work with kids and that is not what they are saying.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Well said. The assumption that one partner can get carried away by emotions(luwb and passion) and not do the right thing, but the other partner cannot get carried away by emotions(pain and angry) and not do the right thing is ignorant at best and just plain f=upped at worst. Of course we should all act on feelings of luwb and passion no matter what, but not hurt and anger:rolleyes: So typical. And this is my point. I don't know whether I have to type it in Braille but the entire point I was making is that it is up to BOTH parents.
bentnotbroken Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 And this is my point. I don't know whether I have to type it in Braille but the entire point I was making is that it is up to BOTH parents. Braille might help:rolleyes:
woinlove Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Many children will learn about it one way or another and know more than the parents may realize. I think age-appropriate honesty is best and it is best to make children feel comfortable in asking questions and letting their fears out.
rafallus Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Sometimes, yes. I will get flamed for this but I don't care. It's what I believe. (and I'm heading out the door so I won't be able to respond again until later. lol) Say two people have a long, loving marriage with a healthy sex life. Something happens (illness, accident) to one partner rendering them unable to have sex. Or maybe the partner just wants to shut that part of the relationship down for good for whatever reason. The one partner still has sexual needs - and I mean sex, not making love. Not pleasuring themselves in the middle of the night to internet porn while the other is asleep. But, the couple are still very much in love and plan to stay together forever. Is it fair to ask a sexual being to just cut that part of themselves off forever? If they're happily willing to do that, then fine. But if not....are they just supposed to suck it up and still be the care-taker, loving partner, member of the family without that much needed release....again, depends on the person and their individual drives. Drives which I believe are innate. The ideal scenario would be for them to be able to talk openly about it, where the one gets their sexual needs met with the other's permission, with clear rules and boundaries set around it. If not, is it so bad for the care-taker to do what he/she needs to do to stay sane and otherwise remain a giving, functioning member of the family unit? Monogamy is the ideal, of course, but I do feel sometimes there are exceptions. Then again, such situation is ****ty in multitude of ways: All that sex she is getting somewhere else can have pretty direct effect on her affection level to her husband (ie. drop it). Image, where wife loves his husband precisely just like before or growingly so, yet finds gratification with other men, seems horribly naive and self-contradictory to me. Somebody will flame me for that last sentence, because it's cruel, but nobody said life is fair. I think word "functional" is very fitting word in this case. I'm not buying it will be as happy as it was before, some sacrifice will have to be made, which invariably makes relatioship unable to be fulfilling. Edited July 9, 2011 by rafallus
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 oh how sad. Littles happily sleeping, husband happily working on things for the littles and you are inside on a computer blaming every problem oon the BS. Go outside , help your husband and enjoy some happiness. My husband and littles are at a sporting event so i'm a tad bored and have some relaxing computer play time. i am not getting ready for a big to do at my home. I don't need to go outside and help hubby. He has 3 strapping guys out there with him. So I too have my relaxing computer play time. How come you didn't go to the sporting event with kiddos? I always attend those.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 high level athletes travel great distabces to compete. Work responsibilities keep me home for this one. I quite enjoy A quiet house for a spell. Your "littles" are high level athletes? Nice try.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 :laugh::laugh: why would that not be believable? oh oh oh i know because yours are still sleeping away so it is hard to imagine. Sorry, hard to believe Mommy would let her "littles" compete and she not be there. Surely that would warrant time off work? I mean your husband managed to find the time and for such "high level competition" one would think Mommy would have made arrangements way ahead of time to be there. <Yawn> Sorry. Epic fail.
alexandria35 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Sorry, hard to believe Mommy would let her "littles" compete and she not be there. Surely that would warrant time off work? I mean your husband managed to find the time and for such "high level competition" one would think Mommy would have made arrangements way ahead of time to be there. <Yawn> Sorry. Epic fail. Oh good lord....you and Kristi both sound like catty little teenagers. Can we stay on topic and take the little playground fights somewhere else please.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Oh good lord....you and Kristi both sound like catty little teenagers. Can we stay on topic and take the little playground fights somewhere else please. If someone addresses me and I feel like commenting I will. If you don't like it then skip over it. It's really easy to skim over sidebars that I am not interested in reading. You should try it because no one is going to "obey" you mandates.
Woggle Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A severe mental illness is an extreme example that probably represents about 2% of affairs. It still does not justify the other 98%. It's like using euthanasia as an excuse for murder.
rafallus Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A severe mental illness is an extreme example that probably represents about 2% of affairs. It still does not justify the other 98%. It's like using euthanasia as an excuse for murder. And still doesn't oblige to stay with cheater either. I remember the case from Australia, where a woman developed hypersexuality after head trauma.
waytogo Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A severe mental illness is an extreme example that probably represents about 2% of affairs. It still does not justify the other 98%. It's like using euthanasia as an excuse for murder. With respect Woggle, this thread wasn't about justifying all As. The question was is it ever justifiable. I think GG did bring a case to the front as to why she outside of her M wasn't in my view anyway, cheating on her H. She was with a MM cheating on his W and GG has owned that and stated 'never again'. If her case had been with a SM who knew the sitch, I wouldn't even qualify that as an A. That's me personally.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 With respect Woggle, this thread wasn't about justifying all As. The question was is it ever justifiable. But the discussion is about affairs and justifying them so it's the same difference.
waytogo Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Isn't it against rules for someone who is banned to come back on via another username? This should be reported. Did this guy get kicked off here again already? Seems likely as he couldn't stop himself from re-signing within 10 mins of being banned to spew some more. I remember the name JMK but he never made any impression for me to remember what he claimed under that name. Seemed he had to resort to calling vulgar names and make false accusations to make that brief impression. Tho I don't remember the name he used for that either now. This Jason Todd claims he has no idea of these other posters? Isn't that what vswimminglissa said about VW and SF? Damaged goods can be recycled. Sometimes the the goods have to take an active role to their own recovery.
waytogo Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 But the discussion is about affairs and justifying them so it's the same difference. Oh, you are still here under your 3rd alias. Cutting off part of what is said to suit you doesn't make a suitable argument for you. If you haven't noticed, all your antics have been well identified here.
waytogo Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 So the guy obviously has issues, probably psychological, definitely with reading comprehension. Why do you all keep feeding him? Oh ask my H. I've been known to feed ants, as long as they don't come inside our home. He came here to call vulgar names and make unjustified accusations. As I needed to own my past and reconcile it, so does he. From what I've seen of posters here, he could turn it around in a second and ask for help. He would get help from more than 1 of us. Vulgar name calling and childish stamping will get the ridicule he throws at others, thrown back on him. More unfortunately for him, the ridicule he attempts sticks so much more easily to him.
Mutant Debutante Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I guess it seems like he'd be more liekly to ask for help if it wasn't so easy for him to keep up the fighting energy that keeps him burning. But I can see how it's hard not to respond sometimes when he keeps twisting words. I can't tell if there's a real comprehension issue though. Like maybe his issues are half righteous anger and half reading disability. But maybe the reading issue is also from being blinded by anger. Or maybe he's just a troll, idk. Anyway, he could use an hour in a hot tub and a couple of beers.
Mutant Debutante Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Without some facts to back this up you are making an assumption. Children find out all the time. Even Mr. Messy said he found out by hearing his parents fighting 40+ years ago. I just skimmed this part, bc you guys make some serious LONG threads around here, but I always found out from overhearing fighting or hearing my mom tell me directly (she was usually the WS, sometimes the BS), or I already knew because it was obvious with those maroons. I wouldn't have minded if my stepdad talked to me about it so he didn't feel like he had to pretend around me all the time. Or maybe if my dad had talked about it he would have stuck around. Edit: Oh and my sisters knew because they heard fighting, mom told them, or I told them so they would know why everything was going totally kablooey again. It actually helped them so they didn't think things were their fault. Kids sometimes need to know what's REALLY going on, just FYI. Edited July 9, 2011 by Mutant Debutante
waytogo Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I guess it seems like he'd be more liekly to ask for help if it wasn't so easy for him to keep up the fighting energy that keeps him burning. But I can see how it's hard not to respond sometimes when he keeps twisting words. I can't tell if there's a real comprehension issue though. Like maybe his issues are half righteous anger and half reading disability. But maybe the reading issue is also from being blinded by anger. Or maybe he's just a troll, idk. Anyway, he could use an hour in a hot tub and a couple of beers. Laughing at that. Truly, I'd be kind to him if he came back and said he was hurting and needed kindness, even now. Instead, he attacked a widow, he called another poster I respect a c*cksuk*r and called me a serial OW, I think slut, but can't remember. He did finish his remark to me as b*tch, or maybe I used the wrong acronym for his cursing. I'd still help him if I can. He has a long way to go to think he's going to reach someone here by making such posts, getting kicked off and trying to come back to kick some more at air. He's going to have to act like an adult man to be treated like one, as others here will have to admit some things in effort to do better.
rafallus Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) I stand by what I posted. Usually the BS goes batsheet and screams fire to children, family et al. And then, oddly enough, says "look how you hurt our children and family". Ummm, no dear BS. You did that.Looks like you either forgot to take your drugs or took too much. Hilarity ensued either way. Edited July 9, 2011 by rafallus
Gentlegirl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 oh my that seems even more cruel. You let him know while he was still okay that you planned on seeking out sex while his mind eroded? WHY? I can not imagine ever ever aving that conversation with an ill person. "oh my love in the near future you will lose your mental capabilities, I want to inform you now while you can understand me that I plan to have sex with others." People need to act like they got some raising. I do not believe you. I do not believe this conversations happened. NO that conversation did not happen as you imagine When we married, he always knew there were 15 years between us. He always told me if became incapacitated, he expected me to find a companion of my own age. I didn't tell him anything like you have written. He remained of the same opinion when he was diagnosed with Alzheimeer's. Best wishes, Gentlegirl Gentlegirl
fooled once Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 If you stop feeding trolls, they will go away. Stop responding to them or getting all up in arms about that one person's view. Lately, so many posts are going off tangent because of this. Ignore them and focus on the original post. gentle, only you can decide if what you did was right or wrong for you. You are the one who has to 'live with' your actions and if you can, then that is all that matters. If you can't, you seek forgiveness and move forward. I do find it ludicrious that a betrayed spouse is supposed to high five her spouse for cheating and not let it affect her. Heck, couples fight all the time in front of their kids. Kids learn from the parents about marriage and relationships - which includes not getting along. They need balance. And as a mom, you can be darned sure I would protect my kid from following in his dad's footsteps or being a role model. Sorry, cheating isn't an action I would want my son to have. And I wouldn't want my son around a woman who has no problems being a co-conspirator in an affair. For me, that again is not something I want my son to model his life around. It always makes me laugh when people talk about these cheating MM as such great dads yet these MM spend their 'free time' with the mistress instead of their kid. Instead of being mentally at the baseball game or ballet recital, he is busy texting the OW or sneaking off to make a quick phone call. Yeah, great dad there. A good, loving, caring father would either divorce his wife if he was so unhappy or get into counseling; not go find someone to cheat with.
Silly_Girl Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Do you know of, or can you portray a scenario where in marriage infidelity may be justifiable? For every possible 'good reason' someone will give for cheating, Poster X on the other side of the fence will tell them what should have happened instead, and they have a point. For every scenario Poster X gives 'when abc happened, you should have done xyz - it's simple' the other poster can explain that it actually - in REAL life - wasn't that simple and Poster X can't know/judge something they didn't live themselves; and they too have a point. I don't think it's ever about 'cheating is right because...'. I think it's a lot about context and circumstance. And that's where the 'grey areas' kick in and where the fighting starts.
rafallus Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 NO that conversation did not happen as you imagine When we married, he always knew there were 15 years between us. He always told me if became incapacitated, he expected me to find a companion of my own age. I didn't tell him anything like you have written. He remained of the same opinion when he was diagnosed with Alzheimeer's. If he agreed to that, it isn't infidelity. It would be, if you did it behind his back.
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