anne1707 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Which would mean that your mother's pain was worth more to her than protecting her own children. How exactly did you find out your mother's pain was a result of your father's actions? Yeah, I know. Next you will say you saw daddy in the act. I take great offence at the implied insult of my mother and her abilities as a mother. How did I know? I found out the same day my mother did when my father told her. I could hear the crying, the pleading, the arguing. I could hear the door slamming, the screaming, the rage. And no, that was not all my mother, that was also from my father. My brother and I were in the family house whilst all this was going on. There was no way that we were not going to realise the truth.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I sincerely doubt you have anything to worry about Mr. Harris. You can let your guard down because any woman you meet will run for the hills within 10 minutes of you opening your mouth. Of course this comes from someone who likes cheating.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 lol... seems like he likes to change names alot once his original alias is banned... isn't that right .. John Michael Kane And of course you like to have affairs with online LS members. Isn't that right, Lexy? That's why you change your picture to always "look good" for the men on here right? Then you make dozens of threads about how horny you are.
Tenacity Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Of course this comes from someone who likes cheating. Isn't it against rules for someone who is banned to come back on via another username? This should be reported.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I take great offence at the implied insult of my mother and her abilities as a mother. How did I know? I found out the same day my mother did when my father told her. I could hear the crying, the pleading, the arguing. I could hear the door slamming, the screaming, the rage. And no, that was not all my mother, that was also from my father. My brother and I were in the family house whilst all this was going on. There was no way that we were not going to realise the truth. You can take all the offense you wish to. This was not a conversation that should have happened around children. The fact that it did speaks to BOTH your parents.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Of course this comes from someone who likes cheating. I have never cheated on a partner Mr. Sweeny
anne1707 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 You can take all the offense you wish to. This was not a conversation that should have happened around children. The fact that it did speaks to BOTH your parents. :mad: I am quite sure it was a conversation that my mother did not want to happen under any circumstances but just as my father chose to have an affair, he also chose to tell my mother that day. I fail to see how my mother is in any way responsible for his decisions. Again you continue to insult my mother.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Loni......I'm the daughter of a father who had many affairs, the 1st one started when I was in the 5th grade. Let me tell you how I found out. I knew something was wrong, as I heard my parents arguing and I knew that sometimes my dad didn't come home when he was expected. I sensed tension, I sensed turmoil but I didn't know why until I was in the 6th grade when a classmate said.........I'm sorry for the trouble that you have going on at home and that your dad is seeing some other woman. I remember being floored by that info but I asked what are you talking about and my classmate saying, well my mom and dad and I saw some woman hanging all over him in town the other day. So.......there I was graced with the terrible decision of trying to decide if I should tell my mother this info or not, a 6th grade child carrying that terrible knowledge around is not a position anyone should envy. I agree with you in your situation and that is a terrible way to find out. Sadly, your experience is not typical. It is usually the BS who lets that bomb fall.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I have never cheated on a partner Mr. Sweeny Yet why continue to blame a BS for something they didn't start.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Isn't it against rules for someone who is banned to come back on via another username? This should be reported. And isn't it against the rules to "attack" someone? This should be reported.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 :mad: I am quite sure it was a conversation that my mother did not want to happen under any circumstances but just as my father chose to have an affair, he also chose to tell my mother that day. I fail to see how my mother is in any way responsible for his decisions. Again you continue to insult my mother. I am sure your mother qualifies for sainthood. However, BOTH your parents should have taken this conversation elsewhere and away from the children. The fact that BOTH your parents decided it was a good idea to hash it out with kids in earshot speaks to BOTH of them.
anne1707 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I am sure your mother qualifies for sainthood. However, BOTH your parents should have taken this conversation elsewhere and away from the children. The fact that BOTH your parents decided it was a good idea to hash it out with kids in earshot speaks to BOTH of them. So what were they supposed to do? Take their discussion out on to the streets? Leave the children unsupervised in the home? Do you really think they were thinking rationally and calmly at that stage? My mother's life was falling apart around her and you expect her to shut up and keep quiet? And the sainthood comment is YET another attack on my mother.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Yet why continue to blame a BS for something they didn't start. Start what? Who knows what goes on in a marriage or who starts what? Why is one vow broken less or more significant than another? If you are going to base your judgments on vows then lets bring all of them out there and pick them apart.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 So what were they supposed to do? Take their discussion out on to the streets? Leave the children unsupervised in the home? Do you really think they were thinking rationally and calmly at that stage? My mother's life was falling apart around her and you expect her to shut up and keep quiet? And the sainthood comment is YET another attack on my mother. Me attacking your mother is your perception which you are free to have. I am just stating my opinion.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I gotta disagree with you here........yes in an ideal world that would be the way it works but when there is such a volatile issue as infidelity going on in a household, unless it's a huge, huge house, it's highly unlikely that the kids aren't going to overhear some of what goes on. If they hear it and they will......they need to have their questions answered as honestly and fairly as possible. Also the BS should refrain from making the ws look like the devil himself because if a parent does that, they are really messing up the kids because when all is said and done the kids know they are a PART of both parents. Let me clarify here. I don't believe that Daddy arbitrarily decided to "confess" out of the blue. The most likely scenario is that he was confronted.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Me attacking your mother is your perception which you are free to have. I am just stating my opinion. And so are others.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 If he wasn't out playing footsies with the gardener there would be nothing to confront. Actions, it is the actions not who the kids overheard that hurt the kids. There would be no evesdropping if there was no schtooking around. Well that's OK then. Because one parent screws up that gives the other parent the right to screw up too. That's like saying saying Betty Broderick's kids wouldn't be orphans if Betty's husband hadn't had an affair. Ummm...no. Both parents have to take responsibility for how an affair ultimately impacts their children.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Oh honey, betty is an abnormality in this situation. The little ones are hurt by the lies. Why should the BS make up more lies to cover up the honest truth? An affair is much more than one screw up. It is an array of lies and a web of deceit daily that also involves the little ones. Incorrect. Either Mom and Dad reconcile in which case revealing the affair to "little ones" would be silly and destructive or Mom and Dad divorce which is difficult enough for "little ones" without Mom or Dad bringing infidelity into it. Infidelity is an attack to the marriage but not an attack on the children. You can not love your spouse yet still love your children. Divorce is divorce. What does it matter in the grand scheme of things (except to the BS) the reasons why? The only reason BS tells "little ones" the reason is because they are trying to alienate the "little ones" from the WS at the "little ones" expense.
bentnotbroken Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 So what were they supposed to do? Take their discussion out on to the streets? Leave the children unsupervised in the home? Do you really think they were thinking rationally and calmly at that stage? My mother's life was falling apart around her and you expect her to shut up and keep quiet? And the sainthood comment is YET another attack on my mother. :confused:WOW, not cool.
bentnotbroken Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Incorrect. Either Mom and Dad reconcile in which case revealing the affair to "little ones" would be silly and destructive or Mom and Dad divorce which is difficult enough for "little ones" without Mom or Dad bringing infidelity into it. Infidelity is an attack to the marriage but not an attack on the children. You can not love your spouse yet still love your children. Divorce is divorce. What does it matter in the grand scheme of things (except to the BS) the reasons why? The only reason BS tells "little ones" the reason is because they are trying to alienate the "little ones" from the WS at the "little ones" expense. :rolleyes:Sure. I wonder what the BS is to blame for when the kids tell her?
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 :rolleyes:Sure. I wonder what the BS is to blame for when the kids tell her? That is a different story and not the scenario that I was talking about.
bentnotbroken Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I agree with you in your situation and that is a terrible way to find out. Sadly, your experience is not typical. It is usually the BS who lets that bomb fall. Without some facts to back this up you are making an assumption. Children find out all the time. Even Mr. Messy said he found out by hearing his parents fighting 40+ years ago.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 are your step children being little devils? Nope. All the kids are still sleeping and hubby is setting up this weird contraption in the backyard for a cookout we are having tomorrow. It took lots of therapy for his kids but we are good now and have been for a couple of years.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Without some facts to back this up you are making an assumption. Children find out all the time. Even Mr. Messy said he found out by hearing his parents fighting 40+ years ago. Isn't that what we all do? Make assumptions based on what we have seen, read and experienced?
bentnotbroken Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Loni..........right or wrong, cheating brings out the worst in people and sometimes it brings out the bat **** crazy in someone and they really go off the deep end. It doesn't make it right, nor excusable but that is what it does. Kids get hurt.....even if the mother (and my mother did) handle it the best way that she knew how. She wasn't perfect, nor was she a saint and frankly if I had been in her shoes I doubt I would have been able to handle it as well as she did. I heard stuff, a child should not have heard, I witnessed violence in my teen years by seeing my father beat my mother, I even experienced that violence myself at his hand. And this happened because of my father's cheating and his own hatred toward himself. My mother's biggest mistake was taking him back to many times, that is the only thing that I resent her for. All those years, she never poisoned me nor my brothers mind against my dad, yes some mothers do that, but to say that children can be completely shielded is NOT realistic nor is that the way it works in real life. Well said. The assumption that one partner can get carried away by emotions(luwb and passion) and not do the right thing, but the other partner cannot get carried away by emotions(pain and angry) and not do the right thing is ignorant at best and just plain f=upped at worst. Of course we should all act on feelings of luwb and passion no matter what, but not hurt and anger:rolleyes: So typical.
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