Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I think you meant to say---I confused YOU with someone else.. Either way, er...nope.. I know just who you are.. Do you? And thanks for calling me "childish. All these compliments in one night... What's a girl to do?? First, I was a "Cock Suc$ing Tramp, now... "Childish and lame". And here I was wondering why you were all alone... I get it now. The compliments just roll off your tongue. Oh wait, I think there is an old episode of "Hoarders" on.. Don't miss it. Could be a fun "date night" for ya. I feel so....loved... Thanks, Mr. Jason Harris Todd. You Rock......... Peace... Thought you were going to bed?
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Well for one thing ten years is a loooong time to be celibate. Not everybody can hack that. Yes it's a long time to be celibate but people choose to cheat. You won't die if you don't have sex. But I think y'all are getting sidetracked. YOu really think the only thing she was missing was sex, in those ten years? Have you ever watched somebody fall away with Alzheimers? It's different from person to person. Some of them get violent and angry all the time. Some of them just have no idea who the hell you are. Some of them get lost in different memories, maybe think you're some old girlfriend from when they were in high school. That would hurt! Some of them just...go inside themselves, and then they're gone. Sometimes you get all of that at different times, plus they can't use the bathroom anymore, they wander outside and get lost and take the bus to the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, and it's exhausting. And if it's your husband, I guess there's nobody else really there to take the burden off you or to talk to, like you're married but you're married to an empty spot. I guess the needs not being met are not just sex, at that point. It really seems like a big oversimplification to say it was about having sex, in GG's case. It's called being an adult, not running off like a little child because you can't get what you want all the time. When you take those vows you stick through the thick and thin, not throw them away because your spouse has a terminal illness. Sex shouldn't even be on your mind when something this earth-shattering going on. Horny? Use a dildo or your fingers and put on a pornographic movie. Read an erotic book and touch yourself at the same time. There's options besides going out and cheating. And I'm quite sure her husband never asked to be sick so stating that her husband was not a husband because of his medical condition, is pretty warped and uncalled for.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 See, being and adult, I have options... Plus, I knew you were all alone.. I knew you missed me.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Wow. Your husband was sick and died and you were cheating all that time. This is exactly why I will forever have my guard up. I sincerely doubt you have anything to worry about Mr. Harris. You can let your guard down because any woman you meet will run for the hills within 10 minutes of you opening your mouth.
KathyM Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 People will justify an affair based on their standards. To some, an unpleasant spouse is reason to look elsewhere for sex. To others, a lengthy absence of a spouse is reason enough. To others, a non-existent sex life with a spouse is reason to cheat, or having a marriage that is on the rocks. People don't seem to take their vows seriously any more. To love, honor and obey, and forsake all others, until death do you part, is just a phrase that doesn't mean anything anymore to a lot of people. To me, I take that phrase very seriously. As a Christian, I consider that vow to be not only to my husband, but to God. In God's eyes, there are no exceptions that justify an affair. It is black and white. Forsake all others until death do you part. That is why I would never consider having an affair, no matter what the circumstances were between my husband and myself. It was a promise to my husband, and a promise to God. There are no exceptions if you are a Christian. Many other faiths share that same view. To those that don't have a faith, they may justify it, but they will usually regret that decision in the long run. Even the woman whose husband had a lengthy illness in this thread regretted it. It's destructive. When I think of the terrible emotional pain my sister went through when her X husband was unfaithful, it just tears my heart out. And all the psychological trauma her children had to go through when their marriage split up because of infidelity, it's heartbreaking. It destroys lives. We are not animals, folks. We are spiritual beings made in the image of God, yet we act no better than dogs looking for momentary pleasure above all else. Well, as much as I love the physical enjoyment of sex, there are far more important things to me. My honor, integrity, trustworthiness, and spiritual self are far more important to me.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 People will justify an affair based on their standards. To some, an unpleasant spouse is reason to look elsewhere for sex. To others, a lengthy absence of a spouse is reason enough. To others, a non-existent sex life with a spouse is reason to cheat, or having a marriage that is on the rocks. People don't seem to take their vows seriously any more. To love, honor and obey, and forsake all others, until death do you part, is just a phrase that doesn't mean anything anymore to a lot of people. To me, I take that phrase very seriously. As a Christian, I consider that vow to be not only to my husband, but to God. In God's eyes, there are no exceptions that justify an affair. It is black and white. Forsake all others until death do you part. That is why I would never consider having an affair, no matter what the circumstances were between my husband and myself. It was a promise to my husband, and a promise to God. There are no exceptions if you are a Christian. Many other faiths share that same view. To those that don't have a faith, they may justify it, but they will usually regret that decision in the long run. Even the woman whose husband had a lengthy illness in this thread regretted it. It's destructive. When I think of the terrible emotional pain my sister went through when her X husband was unfaithful, it just tears my heart out. And all the psychological trauma her children had to go through when their marriage split up because of infidelity, it's heartbreaking. It destroys lives. We are not animals, folks. We are spiritual beings made in the image of God, yet we act no better than dogs looking for momentary pleasure above all else. Well, as much as I love the physical enjoyment of sex, there are far more important things to me. My honor, integrity, trustworthiness, and spiritual self are far more important to me. People get netted up in a tree over the sex act. While it might be convenient to believe that affairs are all about sex they are not. Especially for women there is an extreme emotional component. With regard to the familial distress of infidelity? That is usually caused by the BS who has been advised to be the town crier and say screw her/his children and family because of their own pain and tell all. I also think it is safe to say that in this case no one was hurt. As a side note, I have never met a Christian I wanted to emulate.
Gentlegirl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 People will justify an affair based on their standards. To some, an unpleasant spouse is reason to look elsewhere for sex. To others, a lengthy absence of a spouse is reason enough. To others, a non-existent sex life with a spouse is reason to cheat, or having a marriage that is on the rocks. People don't seem to take their vows seriously any more. To love, honor and obey, and forsake all others, until death do you part, is just a phrase that doesn't mean anything anymore to a lot of people. To me, I take that phrase very seriously. As a Christian, I consider that vow to be not only to my husband, but to God. In God's eyes, there are no exceptions that justify an affair. It is black and white. Forsake all others until death do you part. That is why I would never consider having an affair, no matter what the circumstances were between my husband and myself. It was a promise to my husband, and a promise to God. There are no exceptions if you are a Christian. Many other faiths share that same view. To those that don't have a faith, they may justify it, but they will usually regret that decision in the long run. Even the woman whose husband had a lengthy illness in this thread regretted it. It's destructive. When I think of the terrible emotional pain my sister went through when her X husband was unfaithful, it just tears my heart out. And all the psychological trauma her children had to go through when their marriage split up because of infidelity, it's heartbreaking. It destroys lives. We are not animals, folks. We are spiritual beings made in the image of God, yet we act no better than dogs looking for momentary pleasure above all else. Well, as much as I love the physical enjoyment of sex, there are far more important things to me. My honor, integrity, trustworthiness, and spiritual self are far more important to me. Do you include your virtuous self when you say"WE' act no better than dogs? Many people have an unforgiving attitude. did you leader not teach about forgiveness. Have you not heard of Mary Magdalene and about casting the first stone? Best wishes Gentlegirl
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Do you include your virtuous self when you say"WE' act no better than dogs? Many people have an unforgiving attitude. did you leader not teach about forgiveness. Have you not heard of Mary Magdalene and about casting the first stone? Best wishes Gentlegirl No dear. You were apparently were supposed to divorce your husband on the onset of his illness and left him to whatever state resources would take him. Shame on you for not doing that.
KathyM Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 People get netted up in a tree over the sex act. While it might be convenient to believe that affairs are all about sex they are not. Especially for women there is an extreme emotional component. With regard to the familial distress of infidelity? That is usually caused by the BS who has been advised to be the town crier and say screw her/his children and family because of their own pain and tell all. I also think it is safe to say that in this case no one was hurt. As a side note, I have never met a Christian I wanted to emulate. I know very well that affairs are not just about sex. Many times there is an emotional component involved as well. That is one reason why they are so devastating. When an emotional connection is made with someone outside of the marriage, then it is broken with the spouse. You can't be emotionally connected with both lover and spouse at the same time. So it's a double whammy. Sexual infidelity, and emotional infidelity. The family distress comes from the betrayal and the emotional and usually physical separation. As far as Christians go, I know many of them, who would literally give you the shirt off their back if you needed it. Who would bring you food, give you shelter, give you money, and care for you if you needed it. They are wonderful people to emulate.
Gentlegirl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 No dear. You were apparently were supposed to divorce your husband on the onset of his illness and left him to whatever state resources would take him. Shame on you for not doing that. Oh silly me Loni, I was carer and worked for 10 years to make sure he had the very best he could have, even though he hadn't a clue who I was. the health system is different in my country. Cheers, Gentlegirl
KathyM Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Do you include your virtuous self when you say"WE' act no better than dogs? Many people have an unforgiving attitude. did you leader not teach about forgiveness. Have you not heard of Mary Magdalene and about casting the first stone? Best wishes Gentlegirl "We" meaning people in general. I have been faithful to my husband. If you had an affair with my husband, I would forgive you. But I would also be devastated, heartbroken, and forever lose the trust that is so important in a marriage. I'm stating a principle--one that was created by God. A principle that says infidelity is wrong. There are no exceptions. You are free to choose what you believe and what you do. So am I, and I'm standing up for my position. All you Other Women out there are hurting women and children when you get your fun through our husbands.
KathyM Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 No dear. You were apparently were supposed to divorce your husband on the onset of his illness and left him to whatever state resources would take him. Shame on you for not doing that. No, she shouldn't have divorced her husband. She also shouldn't have cheated on him. That's my opinion, to which I am entitled.
Lexygirl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) ROTFLMAO.....Mr. Harris's last post on loveshack was time stamped as 10:17 PM. Jason Todds very first post on loveshack was stamped as 10:28 PM. Too funny! lol... seems like he likes to change names alot once his original alias is banned... isn't that right .. John Michael Kane Edited July 9, 2011 by Lexygirl
SoleMate Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Re Gentlegirl and her severely ill and unaware husband, I can judge her and I judge her to be a caring and loyal lady who has done the best for her husband and herself, in a very difficult time. Her H was never abandoned, but cared for at home for 10 YEARS!! and visited DAILY thereafter. He, sadly, did not have the ability to appreciate this care for most of that time due to his condition. He certainly had no awareness that his W was comforting her lonely struggle during the last months of his life. Reverse the situation on a couple of axes and you have the case of Sandra Day O'Connor and her husband, who became demented and had to be institutionalized. He stopped recognizing his wife, despite her daily visits, and formed a "relationship" with an equally demented elderly woman in his facility. They rolled their wheelchairs around together everywhere, and even when they had both lost the ability to speak, seemed comforted and calmed by each other's presence. Justice O'Connor discussed this situation publicly and mentioned how she was happy that her loved husband of over 50 years had someone whose company he could enjoy at some level. This despite his hostility to her (due to dementia of course). That is love. Let's not attack those struggling with the effects of dementia on their spouse and marriage, unless we ourselves have the firsthand experience.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 No, she shouldn't have divorced her husband. She also shouldn't have cheated on him. That's my opinion, to which I am entitled. Ahhh. So she should have martyred herself for 10 years for a husband who was literally not there but still drawing breath. Sounds reasonable. Did it ever occur to you that her husband was no longer mentally able to fulfill his vows to his wife? You are being extremely naive to think that anyone has the capacity to shun human intimacy (whether it be sexual or emotional) for that length of time. Oh, and before you start citing anecdotal situations? Let me tell you that what you think you know of "happy marriages that resisted infidelity uphill barefoot in snow with one leg cut off" you don't know.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 .......and this person just went and justified all the nasty stuff Mr. Harris was saying. Standard. I stand by what I posted. Usually the BS goes batsheet and screams fire to children, family et al. And then, oddly enough, says "look how you hurt our children and family". Ummm, no dear BS. You did that.
anne1707 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I stand by what I posted. Usually the BS goes batsheet and screams fire to children, family et al. And then, oddly enough, says "look how you hurt our children and family". Ummm, no dear BS. You did that. Ummm, no the BS did not do that. As someone who was a child in that situation, I saw my mother's pain as being due to my father's actions. Her reactions as a result of this pain were therefore again due to his actions.
SidLyon Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Ummm, no the BS did not do that. As someone who was a child in that situation, I saw my mother's pain as being due to my father's actions. Her reactions as a result of this pain were therefore again due to his actions. Of course you are right.
woinlove Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I stand by what I posted. Usually the BS goes batsheet and screams fire to children, family et al. And then, oddly enough, says "look how you hurt our children and family". Ummm, no dear BS. You did that. What a bizarre claim to make. Is this view coming from your own situation? What is your evidence for "usually"? Most of the stories one reads involves a MM/MW who has disengaged from both the BS and his/her children to some extent even before d-day, often displaying very selfish behavior that goes along with the deception, deception which may even involve the children, and the BS has to pick up the slack and try to protect the children as well as he/she can. Of course, there can be cases where the BS is a bad parent and continues to be bad throughout d-day and beyond so those actions are not specifically triggered by d-day and the actions of the MM/MW. But this seems far from "usual" based on examples we see here and elsewhere. Just because someone is married to a cheater does not mean they are likely to be a bad parent. I've noticed teens, in particular, seem to have their own reaction to a parent's infidelity and often have a lot of work ahead of them in getting over how that impacts them, their family, and their vision of future relationships. In those cases, this would seem to be a direct fallout from the MM/MW's behavior.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Ummm, no the BS did not do that. As someone who was a child in that situation, I saw my mother's pain as being due to my father's actions. Her reactions as a result of this pain were therefore again due to his actions. Which would mean that your mother's pain was worth more to her than protecting her own children. How exactly did you find out your mother's pain was a result of your father's actions? Yeah, I know. Next you will say you saw daddy in the act.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 What a bizarre claim to make. Is this view coming from your own situation? What is your evidence for "usually"? Most of the stories one reads involves a MM/MW who has disengaged from both the BS and his/her children to some extent even before d-day, often displaying very selfish behavior that goes along with the deception, deception which may even involve the children, and the BS has to pick up the slack and try to protect the children as well as he/she can. Of course, there can be cases where the BS is a bad parent and continues to be bad throughout d-day and beyond so those actions are not specifically triggered by d-day and the actions of the MM/MW. But this seems far from "usual" based on examples we see here and elsewhere. Just because someone is married to a cheater does not mean they are likely to be a bad parent. I've noticed teens, in particular, seem to have their own reaction to a parent's infidelity and often have a lot of work ahead of them in getting over how that impacts them, their family, and their vision of future relationships. In those cases, this would seem to be a direct fallout from the MM/MW's behavior. Oh please, are you denying that it is usually the BS who informs the children that Mom/Dad screwed around?
woinlove Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Which would mean that your mother's pain was worth more to her than protecting her own children. How exactly did you find out your mother's pain was a result of your father's actions? Yeah, I know. Next you will say you saw daddy in the act. A child is aware of a parent's feelings if the parent is close and accessible to his/her children. Children pick up even if you are a bit worried about something trivial - as long as you are accessible and connected to them.
woinlove Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Oh please, are you denying that it is usually the BS who informs the children that Mom/Dad screwed around? With regard to the familial distress of infidelity? That is usually caused by the BS... You honestly believe that the BS is usually responsible for the distress to the family due to his/her spouse's infidelity? The stress to children is not typically so much on the screwing around, but the loss of a safe family environment, the loss of security, the loss of trust. Depending on their ages and circumstances, they may come to realize that they have been deceived by a parent they loved and trusted who pretended he/she was busy with something other than a new lover. As I mentioned, teens in particular seem to feel this. And, sadly, sometimes it is the teen who informs the BS of the screwing around. Sometimes such blameshifting is associated with feelings of guilt, perhaps not acknowledged.
Spark1111 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A child is aware of a parent's feelings if the parent is close and accessible to his/her children. Children pick up even if you are a bit worried about something trivial - as long as you are accessible and connected to them. I agree! I cannot believe how many people think children live under a rock in the family, unawares of the changing shift in attitudes and behaviors of the WS towards all during the affair. He was preoccupied, critical, unhappy with us all! My children suspected waaaay before I ever did, but went out of their way to protect me from their own personal suspicions. It created a dynamic where we walked on eggshells to make this man happy, which was impossible. Meanwhile, he convinced her he was father of the year and couldn't leave his children to be with her. DDAY was a relief in that we finally understood the reason behind his behavior. And discussing it all as a family has helped us to heal. We were the victims in their drama, and sweeping it under the rug for the sake of the kids, is simply delusional. His actions hurt the kids, not the the telling of it.
Loni Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A child is aware of a parent's feelings if the parent is close and accessible to his/her children. Children pick up even if you are a bit worried about something trivial - as long as you are accessible and connected to them. Perhaps, but why would a child's mine go straight to Daddy did it. Please, all the stories I have read on this subject is that the BS spilled to the kids regardless of ages that Mom/Dad was an adulterer. Hell, my girlfriend's ex husband is a classic example. His second wife cheated on him and she begged him not to tell THEIR CHILDREN who loved her. This happened at the beginning of summer. My friend asked him to wait to see what unfolded before he said anything. Well the guy ended up spewing adultery left, right and center to the kids. Guess what? They reconciled by that Thanksgiving and he had to back track with the kids which was awfully confusing considering he was calling second wife an adulterer and a bitch one minute and proclaiming their reconciliation a miracle the next. For the record this couple is now divorced and both her step children still call her Mom.
Recommended Posts