billypilgrim210 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Hi, I came upon this site and thought I would see if I could get some help. My wife and I were college sweethearts, two kids, now 5 and 7, and were each others best friend. Several years ago she took a job at a large law firm and started staying out late quite often. I became insanely jealous and "coped" by drinking. I had always drank too much but I was able to make myself into a perfect alcoholic (right down to hiding vodka bottles in the basement). So, I would drink, she would stay out to cope, and a vicious cycle was born. I realize now that it was all my doing and have come to accept what alcohol did to our relationship. Those late nights weren't quite as late or often as I thought they were. I was mean and said awful things. I did some awful things, not violent just stupid, really stupid drunk things and finally she kicked me out. For the first month I was sober but then I began drinking again. I thought I had figured out that she and the children were most important but the drinking still gave me fits and I would inevitably screw things up. Fast forward 6 months and I realize now, as she has asked me for a divorce, that I need to change. I need to be sober. I need the 12 steps even if others say they can do without them. I say all this because at the end of the day I really, really want to not get divorced. I don't deserve it but I want to be back with her so badly. It literally makes me short of breath and sick when I think of her. I don't know that anyone on this site has advice or thoughts or encouragement but I am looking for anything at this point. I know the pain has to go away eventually but I don't see when or how. So, I thank you in advance for anything you might be able to share.
tobeornottobe Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 The first question that comes to mind: has she gotten to the point where she cannot be pursueded to put the divorce on hold? The tipping point, or "everything inside of me is dead" phase?
coolheadal Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Drinking doesn't help.. Just makes you sick and then you need to go to the ER. I say stop trying to get out the easy way and man-up to the situation. Face it you don't know why she's doing this, like something has triggered in her mine to drop you. I wish I could understand my current Wife and her issues in her head. She can't deal with issues nor does she want too. These type of women need not to get married. Otherwise you the spouse will end up mixed up in the end. Take that glass out of your hand and be sober! People feel the need to drink and get drunk then they think it cool to be drunk. It's not cool it's wrong. Your spouse won't think anything better of you.
Author billypilgrim210 Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 Thank you for the replies. Last week we had an awesome Thursday, I went to the house, we went for a run, had "NSA" relations, and then spent a great night at her parents with the kids. Saturday she cried when i took the kids and she said she wanted to be with us but couldn't and then we spent Sunday and Monday together celebrating the holiday. Then Wednesday, she met with our priest and her friends and separation agreement her we come. Today it was all talk about divorce and things being weird for me. As for the drinking, I am embracing AA. I thought I could quit on my own and that was a joke. My entire family ruined their lives with alcohol but I somehow thought I was above it. I am well employed and in good shape but my life is a complete and utter sham because of the alcohol. That is why I drove her away. I said awful things and thought awful things (I think she was cheating but I can't say I was a saint). Anyway, I know what I want now and we have two wonderful kids and I wish there was some way to fix this. I don't see it, despite my desperate pleas with her but I will keep trying. As long as we don't sign the divorce papers I am still in the game.
blazer2001 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 stay sober man i ruined my life and cant get things back . i lost my job house respect of people and now my wife and kids i left yesterday 10 months sober but the damage has been done im a hated man . i am sick and feel your pain
Author billypilgrim210 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 to be honest i am lucky in that i can still talk to my wife and she lets me see our kids. i have been sober 5 days, and i am quickly realizing how sick i really was. quite honestly, i am not sure what was real or not over the past several years. i think it is great that some people can drink but i most certainly can't do it. congrats on 10 months. right now i am going to a meeting a day to try to get on the right track.
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