HeartOnSleeve Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 When a man is genuinely busy and says "I feel like **** because I can't give you anything right now and you deserve more" is that normally code for "leave me alone" or as a guy is it black and white "i can't give you anything right now" done and done? Curious on this statement as I hear it often from girlfriends and from men I have dated before. This used to offend me when I was younger and now I think I'm starting to understand it's really not so personal or complicated
fwang Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Men are good at finding excuses. It just means that he is not that into you or interested in you.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 When a man is genuinely busy and says "I feel like **** because I can't give you anything right now and you deserve more" is that normally code for "leave me alone" or as a guy is it black and white "i can't give you anything right now" done and done? It means "I'm not really that interested in you and would rather spend my precious times with someone else".
Nexus One Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Most guys, tend to mean what they say, exactly the way it comes out of their mouth. So if he says: "I feel like sh*t because I can't give you anything right now and you deserve more" Then it's likely that he feels bad for not being able to spend more time with you even though he finds you deserve it. I'm not sure what used to make you angry about that. Unless he's playing you, then that remark is one of guilt for not being able to give what you deserve and what he wants to give you. But it's up to you to try to determine if he's genuine about it or not.
KathyM Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 It's a polite way of saying he's not interested in a relationship with you. I suggest you take the hint and move on to someone who is.
Nexus One Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 In my opinion the other posters are jumping to conclusions. I remember OP mentioning that her guy is in the military and away on a training mission, i.e. it's possible that he's genuinely in a position that he can't give her the time and attention that he thinks she deserves.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Interesting takes on it.....think it's funny that most of the women responded with "he's just not that into you" and the men I have asked and on here with the exception of one say "it is what it is" ...I just find it interesting. I know a lot of men and they aren't into excuses. I feel like younger men might be in the grey area but going into your 30's what's the point.
misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I tend not to appreciate people who apologize for things they should apologize for. I have kids. Sometimes my kids or my job requires me to spend time that I would rather be spending with my BF. Its something I can't help. Its also a responsibility he knows I have. So I say something like "I wish I had more time" but I don't apologize for it. apologizing impies having done something wrong. A guy who is apologizing for being busy and not having time for you if either telling you what he thinks you want to hear or has extreme confidence issues.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 In my opinion the other posters are jumping to conclusions. I remember OP mentioning that her guy is in the military and away on a training mission, i.e. it's possible that he's genuinely in a position that he can't give her the time and attention that he thinks she deserves. Nexus One, you are awesome! Yeah I'm in the military boat and it's true....it's a huge strain especially in special ops! There's a lot of guilt because these men have specific required priorities....God, government, family, friends, etc. It's hard to switch from field & training to lovey home guy. Again I just find it interesting the reaction between men and women on this topic and how so many women accuse men of making excuses and being jerks when simply they are telling it like it is!
KathyM Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 People who want to be in a relationship with you make time for it. Either you are a priority in his life, or you are not. Why waste your time with someone who gives you low priority and puts several other things first?
AlexDP Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I know I'm an idiot for doing so, but I usually mean exactly what I say.
misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Nexus One, you are awesome! Yeah I'm in the military boat and it's true....it's a huge strain especially in special ops! There's a lot of guilt because these men have specific required priorities....God, government, family, friends, etc. It's hard to switch from field & training to lovey home guy. Again I just find it interesting the reaction between men and women on this topic and how so many women accuse men of making excuses and being jerks when simply they are telling it like it is! Maybe I miss understood. I thought you were saying he was constantly saying "I'm sorry" when it was something he couldn't help. To me saying "I'm sorry" when he didn't do anything wrong seems to indicate a lack of confidence. Military is probably a little different, but still you know he's in the military, you know what the deal is, and so did he, so wheres the guilt?
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 People who want to be in a relationship with you make time for it. Either you are a priority in his life, or you are not. Why waste your time with someone who gives you low priority and puts several other things first? True KathyM, but everyone situation is different, right!? I think that there are people out there that want to be in a relationship, but their lifestyle at this time is not conducive to their wants but they give it an honest shot and it works or it doesn't. Doesn't mean they are not interested. I just think that's excuse women say to other women to tell them to get over it or whatever. Just observations I have made
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Maybe I miss understood. I thought you were saying he was constantly saying "I'm sorry" when it was something he couldn't help. To me saying "I'm sorry" when he didn't do anything wrong seems to indicate a lack of confidence. Military is probably a little different, but still you know he's in the military, you know what the deal is, and so did he, so wheres the guilt? I'm not really talking about my situation, but I could...haha. My guy never apologizes but he does feel guilty not being able to take me out, or spend as much time with me as he would like or call me back straight away, etc. I think anytime you want to do something and you can't there's an element of guilt, maybe guilt is the wrong word. It's not a bad thing. I don't think it's just military either. I own a business and while I was starting out I felt guilty about not being able to spend time with my friends or give them back what they were giving me in our friendships etc. I felt guilt because I genuinely wanted spend time with them, catch up and I just didn't have the time.
KathyM Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 True KathyM, but everyone situation is different, right!? I think that there are people out there that want to be in a relationship, but their lifestyle at this time is not conducive to their wants but they give it an honest shot and it works or it doesn't. Doesn't mean they are not interested. I just think that's excuse women say to other women to tell them to get over it or whatever. Just observations I have made It's possible that he just doesn't have the time for a relationship, but usually when someone wants a relationship, they'll invest the time. They'll make it a priority. Whether he actually doesn't have the time, or he doesn't have the interest, she is wasting her time pursuing him.
misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I'm not really talking about my situation, but I could...haha. My guy never apologizes but he does feel guilty not being able to take me out, or spend as much time with me as he would like or call me back straight away, etc. I think anytime you want to do something and you can't there's an element of guilt, maybe guilt is the wrong word. It's not a bad thing. I don't think it's just military either. I own a business and while I was starting out I felt guilty about not being able to spend time with my friends or give them back what they were giving me in our friendships etc. I felt guilt because I genuinely wanted spend time with them, catch up and I just didn't have the time. I guess I'm just wired a little differently. There are times I wish I could be spending time with the BF, but I also have to earn a living or something like that. I regret not being able to do what I wanted or meet up with him, but I'm not going to feel like I did something wrong and to me guilt is feeling you did something wrong. Maybe its semantics.
spiderowl Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I would say that if he appears to be thinking that he just can't give you anything now and for the foreseeable future, it means he's not as interested as you. In that case, there is obviously no rush on his part to resolve the problem that is keeping him from you. In the past, whenever I've felt like him I've been genuinely very busy and I've resented time spend on someone I'm not really attracted to and can't see myself in anything other than a friends relationship with. Even then, there wasn't enough of a connection for the friendship to last for ever. I guess I just wanted to keep what was left of my precious time for someone I felt strongly about. Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to hear.
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