Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 To me it's somebody who can't control their sexual appetite. It's those women who are in a great relationship with a man who treats them well but must sleep with the guy that smiled at them at work or else they are unable to function. To me, promiscuity is not so much about the numbers as it is about not being discerning in your choice of mates. A slut is a woman who'd spread her legs for anybody she finds physically attractive.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Actually, I just talked about this topic with a guy friend. According to him, women and men are the same. The difference is, women want to have sex as casual as men do but they don't want others to know it. Because they don't want to be called "Sluts". Opinions? I think that may be true. I know I don't like what some people seem to think of me, but it doesn't change the fact that I am human and have an innate sex drive.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I don't think I should be held guilt of something I did at a 15 year old. I'm sure you were stupid at that point in your life as well. The guys were all living with me, and had been long term. With the second child we were planning a wedding when things fell apart. I have acknowledged that I used poor judgment in relationships and spent over four years just not dating because I knew I needed to work on myself before I tried to be in a relationship. Yes, you should be. 15 is not 5; you were perfectly capable of knowing what you were doing at that age. And no, *I* was not "stupid" at that point in my life. I was actually living alone at 15 (my parents were in another country at the time) and I did just fine. Didn't get anyone pregnant...or fall in love with a shoplifter/con artist.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Yes, you should be. 15 is not 5; you were perfectly capable of knowing what you were doing at that age. And no, *I* was not "stupid" at that point in my life. I was actually living alone at 15 (my parents were in another country at the time) and I did just fine. Didn't get anyone pregnant...or fall in love with a shoplifter/con artist. You feel like you can insult my parents when yours were in another country? Really? I notice you didn't bother to address anything else in my reply to you.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 You feel like you can insult my parents when yours were in another country? Really? I notice you didn't bother to address anything else in my reply to you. Huh? I never said anything about your parents (And FYI, mine were in another country by necessity, not by choice. I have great parents). What I said is that you (not your parents) are solely responsible for making bad choices in your life. You are the one who chose to start dating a criminal at the age of 15. You are the one who chose to become pregnant from him. You are the on who reconnected and married the said criminal later in life. You are the one who had an unwanted pregnancy with another man who clearly did not want to be a dad. All of that is your responsibility.
Art_Critic Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 it's the pregnant from two different men and the 2 month marriage that are the bigger red flags. You are making a huge assumption that she was the problem in her marriage as well as other things. In my first marriage about the only thing I was guilty of was not understanding her mental illness better and not having the ability to continue on after being battered for years. Having a poor people picker isn't something that should shadow a person since we all learn from our previous relationships and improve our people picking ability
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Huh? I never said anything about your parents (And FYI, mine were in another country by necessity, not by choice. I have great parents). What I said is that you (not your parents) are solely responsible for making bad choices in your life. You are the one who chose to start dating a criminal at the age of 15. You are the one who chose to become pregnant from him. You are the on who reconnected and married the said criminal later in life. You are the one who had an unwanted pregnancy with another man who clearly did not want to be a dad. All of that is your responsibility. Have I played the victim? Have I sat around all "woe is me" and been all helpless about my life? I take care of my kids, I have a job, I pay my bills, I meet my obligations, I'm not sure what else I can possibly do to be "taking responsibility" and all I'm really trying to determine is when I get to drop the "dirty whore" label I got as a 16 year old.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 In my first marriage about the only thing I was guilty of was not understanding her mental illness better and not having the ability to continue on after being battered for years. Having a poor people picker isn't something that should shadow a person since we all learn from our previous relationships and improve our people picking ability In your case it's not just being a poor people picker. It's also being a p*ssy and staying in an abusive relationship for years. I have very little sympathy for this type of people (especially men). People who take sh*t do so by choice.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Have I played the victim? Have I sat around all "woe is me" and been all helpless about my life? I take care of my kids, I have a job, I pay my bills, I meet my obligations, I'm not sure what else I can possibly do to be "taking responsibility" and all I'm really trying to determine is when I get to drop the "dirty whore" label I got as a 16 year old. It's not just what you did at 15. The fact that you reconnected with (and even married) the same guy ten years later clearly shows that you did not learn from your mistakes.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 In your case it's not just being a poor people picker. It's also being a p*ssy and staying in an abusive relationship for years. I have very little sympathy for this type of people (especially men). People who take sh*t do so by choice. He said she had a mental illness, he probably loved her and thought he could help her. Its hard to find a balance between turning your back on someone who's bad for you and being too quick to cut people out of your life. It's not just what you did at 15. The fact that you reconnected with (and even married) the same guy ten years later clearly shows that you did not learn from your mistakes. The situation in high school wasn't one of "I am breaking up with you", it was one of "your parents are going to make it impossible for me you see you, so lets put it on hold and go grow up and come back later when we are adults and they can't interfere" it was all planned. But I went on to do my best to be a responsible adult and he went on to be . . . . not. My bad. Stone me in the town square.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Stupid question cuz u already know the answer. Not that number isn't high. I am a sophomore and there is girls in my grade who have slept with more dudes then you. That's kinda sad. I hope they are safe. To me it's somebody who can't control their sexual appetite. It's those women who are in a great relationship with a man who treats them well but must sleep with the guy that smiled at them at work or else they are unable to function. Ok, so you are talking like a compulsive behavior. I find this odd, because you tend to talk like there are horrible, promiscuous women prowling the streets looking to trip up unsuspecting men, but this can't be that common of a condition.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 But I went on to do my best to be a responsible adult and he went on to be . . . . not. My bad. Stone me in the town square. You already admitted that there were "certain things" about him that you knowingly ignored prior to the wedding. Stop trying to skirt responsibility. You made a conscious choice to marry a scumbag.
carhill Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 My version for a woman my age is age minus fifteen minus number of years married times two. So, if a woman is 52 minus 15 minus 20 years married times two equals 34. So, for me, if her partner count is over 34, that's promiscuous, essentially two partners per year for every year not married since the age of 15. As an example, my exW was married a total of 16 years when I met her at age 39 and had more partners than the requisite 39-15-16x2, or 16, by a factor of roughly 2.5. Or, to put it another way, her partner count was roughly a magnitude (10x) greater than my own. My numbers currently are 52-15-10x2 =54 to be 'promiscuous'. Subtract 50 from that number to find my actual partner count. That's how I define promiscuous. YMMV. Most of the women I've dated and had relationships with met or exceeded that definition. I doubt it's uncommon, at least in my generation. Relationship history *and* family history are far more important to me than number of sexual partners. Obviously, STD history/status is relevant as well, from a health standpoint.
DepressedinDenver Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 all I'm really trying to determine is when I get to drop the "dirty whore" label I got as a 16 year old. Probably when all your kids are grown so you don't look like a young women with 3 kids from different dads. So maybe in another decade.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Relationship history *and* family history are far more important to me than number of sexual partners. I'd have to agree with carhill. A history of being involved in bad relationships with questionable men is more worrying than the total number of sex partners.
rafallus Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I don't think I should be held guilt of something I did at a 15 year old. I'm sure you were stupid at that point in your life as well. Not in this case. The big deal about having kids is that decision (or accident) of having them stays with you for the rest of your life, with all its effects. So you're SOL on this one. Or maybe you're lucky.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 So a promiscuous woman is any woman who's sexual or relationship history makes the guy uncomfortable. Women must be non-virgins who's relationships have all been healthy and positive, but not resulted in children. As a woman who's relationships ended badly or were just bad and has kids my options are to date guys who think I'm a bad woman or be single until my kids are grown and gone. So when I'm in my forties I'll be able to drop the scarlet letter. You all suck.
DepressedinDenver Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 In all honesty....is it really hard to believe that a woman between the ages of 18-35ish that has 3 kids from different dead beats is really something/someone a man of the same age range looks at and really wants to take on. :-/
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 So a promiscuous woman is any woman who's sexual or relationship history makes the guy uncomfortable. Women must be non-virgins who's relationships have all been healthy and positive, but not resulted in children. As a woman who's relationships ended badly or were just bad and has kids my options are to date guys who think I'm a bad woman or be single until my kids are grown and gone. So when I'm in my forties I'll be able to drop the scarlet letter. You all suck. That's the problem with making bad choices...you get to live with the consequences, whether you like it or not.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 In all honesty....is it really hard to believe that a woman between the ages of 18-35ish that has 3 kids from different dead beats is really something/someone a man of the same age range looks at and really wants to take on. :-/ Because all I am is my kids and my past?
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 That's the problem with making bad choices...you get to live with the consequences, whether you like it or not. Consequences being that I raise my kids and pay my debts. Why is it your job to punish me?
SmileFace Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 You all suck. What are you exactly mad about. You posted a thread and got answers. You know you, right? WTF does it matter what you hear here. Are you fycking "feelsgoodman", so why the hell does it matter what he says. You can only be offended if you agree.
rafallus Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 So, thanks for admitting you came here for coddling and reassuring: "no, you are awesome". Should have written so in OP. Then again, it still came out, so it doesn't matter. Just would have spared 4 pages of ****storm.
Author misssmartypants Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 What are you exactly mad about. You posted a thread and got answers. You know you, right? WTF does it matter what you hear here. Are you fycking "feelsgoodman", so why the hell does it matter what he says. You can only be offended if you agree. You actually make a good point. I guess my irritation is that I am aware that I have a dubious past and I've tried really hard to compensate for that or even overcompensate for that and it seems like when everything in my past comes to light, nothing else matters but my past. And no, I have no idea who that is. I hope he lives far far away from me.
carhill Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Punishment is punitive. Responsibility is healthy. None of us are perfect. TBH, I dated a few single mothers with histories like yours as a much younger man. No one twisted my arm. I thought and felt that everyone who demonstrated responsibility and growth were equals in my eyes. However, due to marked differences in family and relationship history, I found the potentials to be incompatible, mainly emotionally. They were to 'hard' for me, toughened by their difficult history. I desired someone to be intimate with and who could be openly intimate with and caring of myself. It was just hard for them, as they had learned a completely different method of dealing with the world. I tried it, gave it my best shot for many years (I was mostly single until I got married at 41) and found it not to be my path. Looked at another way, men like myself are not on your path. That doesn't mean either are wrong or right or bad or good, merely different people on different paths. All of us can live long and fruitful lives. I hope we do. Good luck
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