arbrne_vet Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 this relationship has been so horrible since last September. Before that, it was really good. she sent me text that she loved me out of the blue, always stopped by. cuddled in a booth next to me every time we went out to eat. then we split for a week or so, and it has been hell ever since. she is not the same not even close. it is if she has keep me close enough so i don't leave, but not close enough to want to make it work. anyway....... our last conversation was two days ago, and i said "i love you" and her response was, "what do you want me to say?" then it blew up, and then she started in about things, and MINOR things as far as that goes, about things that happened over two years ago. i have done so much for her, helped her with so many things. support her, encourage her, you name it, i did it. so, during our last conversation, she hung up on me. something she has done quite often, yet we both seem to have done it. she seems to be doing everything that she has complained that i have done. i changed myself, and she is now doing what i have done. when i point these things out to her, her response is "how does it feel" . i have tried to make peace so many times. she sends me texts about things i "used" to do, i send her texts and tell her i love her. we get into arguments, and i tell her i love her, and how important she is to me. then her response is, well if you did, then you would not have..... and they are always things that have happened over two years ago. it is always the same. we get into fights, and she brings up things that happened two or more years ago. so...... i want so badly to call her or text or something to tell her i love her, and lets try........ so please, let me know i am doing the right thing. i really need to know this now.
69ways Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 NC NC NC she has anger against you, it reminds me of mine, they tend to turn their love to anger. Nothing you can do, just go NC and hope for the best. She sounds tuff, just like mine and tuff dumpers are soulless in my eyes. they have no pity , regret or sympathy for the dumpee. they turn 180 degrees from the cute loving person we knew to an iceberg ready to take titanic down one more time. While we are home thinking of them they take the love they had for us and turn it into pure flirting force because they don't know what else to do with it
69ways Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Jesus is she an Aries? She is a copycat of my ex, she left me for things that took place 4 years ago.... These people have inner issues and keep everything inside them. A pure fact of self confidence problems, because they are immature to talk about the problems they let them pile inside until they explode. If she is like mine, which I believe she is, stay away from her and save the yourself. You are only in the run for a major heart break, Ye sits hard but trust e please, you are saving yourself from questions like: did she ever love me did i mess up oh she called, does that mean anything oh she said i am still the love of her life but its too late. let her be and save yourself.....trust me
Author arbrne_vet Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 no, not an aries, but unable to let things go. i can do 1,000 good things for her, but i do one bad, and not intentional, and she only harps on the bad. yes, she cannot let things go. and everything is a major issue.
69ways Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I cant let things go but went into NC 4 months after we broke up and told her. You cant make her love you man. I travelled for 5 hours with an aircraft just to give her flowers on her bd, i was called selfish. You can do 1000000000 things but will not be appreciated. In their mind its too late, they cant see happiness even if it strikes them in the face. You will only cause pain to you. You came here asking for advice if you are doing the correct thing. I did not go into nc for 4 months , she kept calling me, she kept been nasty and not wanting me up, result= i suffered. Do i still suffer, yes but at least i am giving her a taste of life without me, guess what, she is only proving to me she was not worth the hustle as she does not drop her ego to call me. At the end of the day is your life man, i warned you, knock yourself out.....
Author arbrne_vet Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 you are correct. if she loved me, or even cared for me, this crap would not be going on. i think also she suffers from deppression or something! when we first started going out, she told me her life sucked, and i was the only good thing in it. everything is about her. i see it in her relationship with her kids. i think her oldest daugther has had enough, because she is getting very "bold" with her mother. i have seen her unfairly go off on her kids, because of her selfishness.
69ways Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I had the whole depression speech just two weeks after we broke up. She actually said it was her fault but a few weeks later she changed, all was my fault. Do i love her, yes If they are suffering from depression , we can be next to the but did they ask us? NO, they blocked us out. The worst part for me was YOU ARE LOVE OF MY LIFE BUT IS TOO LATE TO FIX IT..... Back off, the signs are there, you admitted it, she isn't ok with her kids , why should she be with you my friend.
Author arbrne_vet Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 this is as if this is the same woman. i have stopped doing the things that have bothered her since last September, yet she still brings them up as if i did them last week. then when i tell her i have done nothing in the past 10 months or so, then her response is, well, the past is what got us here. i feel like i have lost my mind. i beleive any "normal" relationship, forgive, and don't repeat mistakes. she can't forgive, and constantly throws the past in my face. i am tired of being beat up.
69ways Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Why people get stuck to the past I dont know, I mean if someone does something and it bothers you dont break up with him 4 years later like mine did, or at least dont give false hopes to that person...Gods sake some people...
kittycat95 Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Hi airbrn and 69, Though I am a female I have to chime in an add my experience because it's pretty much dead-on what you guys experienced as well. My ex and I were really loving and sweet too. I tried to give him everything that I could, tried to give him emotional support. Trouble is, he was (and is?) in a really difficult place in his life at the moment, was struggling with depression and other things, and as time passed on, he became angrier and angrier at me. I went from being his number one support group (his words) to being somebody he hated. And the way it all happened in the end was I couldn't leave him alone after he'd essentially dumped me. I kept wanting to talk and would get angry when he wouldn't want to talk to me. Long story short, for people whose exes make it really clear, either through words or conduct, that they really do not want to talk, NC is not a choice so much as a compulsion. Let's face it, if we really felt in our hearts that we could talk to our exes and tell them ONE more time, I love you, please let's work things out, etc. none of us would be here in this mess. The fact that we have to wonder whether the step of NC is right or not is really indicative, in my opinion. I know it's tough to go cold turkey and no one is going to force you to do anything, but please realize you canNOT force anyone to do anything, including talking to you. I hope this post makes sense :-). I really do understand how you feel. I am currently in the same boat. Today is day 5 of NC for me and I'm just kind of burning that he hasn't contacted me at all. I'm not sure if he's just really, really angry at me, or it is forever over. My psyche is kind of cushioning the blow for me by telling myself that he'll come around. Though I know many here will tell me that is absolutely NOT the point of NC. It's just some thoughts I allow myself to entertain now and then so I don't go absolutely crazy. Anyway, hugs to both of you, I hope we all come out okay. Take solace that when you had the chance, you were a good bf/gf. Absolutely cannot blame yourselves 100 percent for any of this at all.
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