Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 My parents fulfilled that role for me, and they did a good enough job that I have now become the kind of responsible parent who will sacrifice for my own child's good. You would sacrifice everything for your child's good? So if your husband was a serial cheater but the kids loved him, you would tolerate his cheating and stay with the guy because it's best for the kids? I rather doubt it. No doubt that it's a difficult situation when you have kids, the parents are elderly, etc. But it's not what you said but rather how you said it that caught my attention.
Confusedalways Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 When I was 14 or so my cousin got married and she said something that stuck with me.... she said "well, it's going to be weird now that he is more important in my life than my parents." Not sure what to make of that, but it always has stayed with me...
Rinas Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Lets not forget that everything isn't black and white, there are gray areas.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Also, how could you not choose the very person who gave YOU life??? I see your point, but the flip side is that if you are with a quality partner and reproductive mate, like Stung is, then you will create and support new life together. Your parent won't be creating anymore new life, and realistically, they are much closer to death than your partner. As hard as it would be, if I had a quality, truly loving partner with whom I was creating a family, I'd choose him. If I ever find a man worth sticking with, he and our relationship will take priority over any other relationship in my life. Others will be important, yes, but none as important as that one.
Mutant Debutante Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I cannot find my son another father with a snap of my fingers, and at two years old he is far more reliant on his daddy than I am on my parents. It would be a hard decision that would haunt me forever, but I would choose my husband, the father of two young children. I believe my parents, doting grandparents in their 70s, would actually want it that way. That sounds pretty selfish. You don't rely on your parents (anymore), but you need a man to raise your kids so....sorry mom and dad! thanks for everything! Man, you totally read that the way you wanted to and twisted her words around when you responded. What she said was that her son relies on his father, and his father is not replaceable, and a little kid needs his parents more than she (an adult) needs her parents, which is just freaking common sense and her trying to be a good mom...AND that her parents would want it that way, and that it would haunt her. And you come out swinging and calling her selfish in TWO different posts because you twisted that up in your head, and making it sound like she said she needs a man for his wallet instead what she actually said, that her son needs his father. Seems like maybe you have some issues. The question, as it was posed to me, presumed upon my current circumstances, which is: in a relationship, not married, no children, healthy relationship with at least one parent. But I do like the level of discussion going on in this thread due to the different circumstances of each person. I never had a healthy relationship with my biological parents. This would be more of a dilemma if we were talking about my stepdad vs. my SO, but my stepdad is already dead, soooo...SO all the way.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 When I was 14 or so my cousin got married and she said something that stuck with me.... she said "well, it's going to be weird now that he is more important in my life than my parents." Not sure what to make of that, but it always has stayed with me... I'm not religious, but there is a bible quote that applies: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This means that part of independent adulthood is leaving behind your family of origin to create your own family, and putting them in the #1 priority spot. The one flesh is the fusion of the two and the creation of new life in the form of a child together.
Woggle Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 My wife without a second thought. I know this sounds messed up but there a few friends I would choose over my mother as well. I would never wish anything bad on her but she is down the list in the most important people in my life.
Citizen Erased Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Automatically it came to mind that I'd choose my husband. But it depends on the parent. My mother is a selfish and mean person and she has cut me out of her life all because I am happy and she hates that. I wouldn't cause her harm but my SO will always come before her as she has always put her SO's before me and my siblings. If she had the choice to save herself or her 3 children, she would save herself. My father would be a much harder decision, and not one I think I could make. We have had our problems, but the fact that he came all the way to Michigan to walk me down the aisle, and how happy and proud he was to do it...it says it all. In that case, I'd choose to sacrifice myself rather than he or my husband
sm1tten Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I just started seeing someone recently with the potential for it to become serious, so in my current situation I would choose my mom because she is the more important of the two to me. However, in the event that the relationship becomes serious, I would choose my partner. I have a complicated and difficult relationship with both my parents but am closer to my mother, but my SO is generally the most important person in my life.
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