tigressA Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 BF asked me this question last night and I thought it was interesting, if a little morbid, so I decided to put it to LS. Your parent (pick the one you presumably have the best relationship with) and your SO are standing side-by-side. You need to pick the one you feel you love the most. The one you don't choose will die. Who would you choose? And, if you want to answer in detail, why? FTR, I chose my dad.
Cee Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 That is completely morbid. My Dad is already dead so it would be between my Mom and my current boyfriend who is my great love. I've known my mom for 41 years. I've known my BF for 6 months. My mom is 68 and nearing the end and my BF is 24 and in his prime. I love my Mom more, but she also was abusive and nearly ruined my life. While I love her more, I also hate her more. On the other hand, she got help for her issues and is a healed woman. She is wonderful grandmom to my niece and my nephew who has Down's Syndrome. My mom is an unbelievable help to my sister. My BF is the light of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. Every fiber of my being swells in his presence. The answer is quite simple upon laying out these simple facts. There is only one decision to make. I would kill myself rather than to take the life of either of the two people who are the world to me.
Nexus One Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I choose not to choose. While this situation might seem theoretical, it does happen in times of war. Some stories I've heard that happened in WWII, African wars and North Korea bring shivers down my spine. Certain people are able to create such horrible situations, that taking a bullet would be the most rational and humane choice.
Author tigressA Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Nice answer, Cee. I'm not as selfless so I can't see myself ending my own life, even for someone who is very dear to me. I would choose my dad because, well...he's my dad. I can't get another one. He's still young at only 51, and very active, so he's got some years left. He raised my brother and me practically on his own and has only ever wanted the best for us, while still letting us choose our own path. While I love my boyfriend and know I could never find anyone else like him...there are still other fish in the sea. Not so with someone who gave you life and has been there for you in its entirety (so far).
Cee Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I like Nexus One's response better than mine. In life, we are presented either/or choices and we think we need to remain in that framework. Choosing not to choose is a good way to break out of that rigid mind set. If someone is hell bent on killing somebody, they will pull the trigger, not me. This does happen in real life. If you read up on wars of the past and in current times, these torture/murder tactics exist. It's not enough to commit genocide, why not have the mom, dad, or child pull the trigger or draw the knife on each other.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 A century ago you'd probably get a unanimous answer from men that they'd kill themselves before making that choice to let both live. Things have eroded off that pretty well. I won't make that choice and would probably try to fight whoever is forcing me to make such a decision to the death. No way could I say "sorry mom but..."
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I've heard this question before, framed in a slightly different way: Your mom (or dad) and your lover are both in the ocean about to drown. You only have time to swim to and save one of them. Whom do you save? I also heard that European men tend to choose mom, and American men tend to choose lover. Even though I'm not close to my parents, so the choice would seem easy, it would depend on the lover. I can't say that I've had a lover yet who was worth sacrificing a family member for (even a less-than-ideal one).
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 BF asked me this question last night and I thought it was interesting, if a little morbid, so I decided to put it to LS. Your parent (pick the one you presumably have the best relationship with) and your SO are standing side-by-side. You need to pick the one you feel you love the most. The one you don't choose will die. Who would you choose? And, if you want to answer in detail, why? FTR, I chose my dad. Anyone who picks the SO over their own blood does not deserve to live. IMO.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I also heard that European men tend to choose mom, and American men tend to choose lover. That's likely because most american men are sexually frustrated chumps who think that life revolves around p*ssy. Even though I'm not close to my parents, so the choice would seem easy, it would depend on the lover. I can't say that I've had a lover yet who was worth sacrificing a family member for (even a less-than-ideal one). You can always find another lover. Not so with parents.
iris219 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Anyone who picks the SO over their own blood does not deserve to live. IMO. What?! What if you're married with children? In that case your husband or wife IS your family.
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I'd pick my mom, without question. Further, you can always find another SO... can't find another parent. They're the only one you have.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Further, you can always find another SO... can't find another parent. They're the only one you have. Precisely.
iris219 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Precisely. So you'd say, "Sorry kids. Daddy won't be coming home, but you'll be seeing Grandma a lot more?"
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 That's likely because most american men are sexually frustrated chumps who think that life revolves around p*ssy. I think it's because Europeans tend to be more family oriented, whereas Americans tend to be more independent and concerned with making their own life away from the family.
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Precisely. Also, how could you not choose the very person who gave YOU life???
Stung Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 You can always find another lover. Not so with parents. I cannot find my son another father with a snap of my fingers, and at two years old he is far more reliant on his daddy than I am on my parents. It would be a hard decision that would haunt me forever, but I would choose my husband, the father of two young children. I believe my parents, doting grandparents in their 70s, would actually want it that way. Somehow I still feel deserving of life, despite some evident censure at my thought process during a game of hypotheticals.
Mutant Debutante Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Hmmmm let's see...a deadbeat who abandoned me when I was in kindergarten, an abusive addict who I had to take custody of my little sisters away from, or my SO, who is awesome and brilliant and loves me and my sisters and has never hurt us or let us down. This isn't a hard choice for everybody.
Author tigressA Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 The question, as it was posed to me, presumed upon my current circumstances, which is: in a relationship, not married, no children, healthy relationship with at least one parent. But I do like the level of discussion going on in this thread due to the different circumstances of each person.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I cannot find my son another father with a snap of my fingers, and at two years old he is far more reliant on his daddy than I am on my parents. It would be a hard decision that would haunt me forever, but I would choose my husband, the father of two young children. I believe my parents, doting grandparents in their 70s, would actually want it that way. Somehow I still feel deserving of life, despite some evident censure at my thought process during a game of hypotheticals. That sounds pretty selfish. You don't rely on your parents (anymore), but you need a man to raise your kids so....sorry mom and dad! thanks for everything!
OliveOyl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I refuse to make a choice, but let's throw this into the muddy waters... your SO is someone you spend hours with every day and might be around for 30-60 years but your parent is in their mid-70s/80s, ailing, who you talk to once a week or less on the phone. Would you really still choose your parent? (No this is not my situation but it is a hypothetical example to show that just saying "blood is always thicker" may not be so clear).
Feelsgoodman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I refuse to make a choice, but let's throw this into the muddy waters... your SO is someone you spend hours with every day and might be around for 30-60 years but your parent is in their mid-70s/80s, ailing, who you talk to once a week or less on the phone. Would you really still choose your parent? (No this is not my situation but it is a hypothetical example to show that just saying "blood is always thicker" may not be so clear). Like the other poster, you are looking at things from a purely selfish standpoint. Who do *I* need more: a useless old parent that I hardly ever speak to anymore or someone who will be useful to me for the next 30-60 years? Must be an American thing.
KathyM Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 If it's a matter of choosing between a spouse and parent, the spouse is supposed to be the most important person in your life, and the one you would lay down your life for. If I was not married, I would pick the parent. I love them both, but it's the spouse that you are supposed to have the most loyalty and commitment to.
Stung Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 That sounds pretty selfish. You don't rely on your parents (anymore), but you need a man to raise your kids so....sorry mom and dad! thanks for everything! Are you for real? I need THAT man to help raise my son, because he is his FATHER. My son adores him and looks up to him and asks where he is every day when he's at work, and his little face lights up when Daddy gets home. My husband created that life with me and has spent every day of the last two years imprinting himself on that little boy. Have you ever been around small children, seen how they rely on their parents for EVERYTHING, physically, emotionally, etc.? My parents fulfilled that role for me, and they did a good enough job that I have now become the kind of responsible parent who will sacrifice for my own child's good. You really think the only noble choice would be to choose for my son to grow up without a father, so that my parent can have another ten or so years on this Earth worrying that when they go too, my son will have no positive male role model, or that I will be struggling to raise him alone as a widow? To choose to have my son separated from his half-sister who he thinks the sun rises and sets on, because I am "only" her stepmother and have no legal rights to the joint custody my husband has of her? To have my stepdaughter lose both her father and her whole life with one of her families, her stepmother and baby brother? Life is complicated Feelsgoodman and the webs that connect many of us are deep. Under ordinary life circumstances, I would expect to take care of my parents as they grow older, and I have already moved back in with them once in my 20s after my mother was injured, to help out. But in the hypothetical posed where I am forced to choose just one person, my first obligation is now to my child, rather than my parents. That happens when you have children, if you must prioritize, they are the first priority, every time. Also, FYI, some of us think our marriage vows are actually kind of meaningful.
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