ScienceGal Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 It's been almost a month since I last saw my ex. Sent him two messages regarding getting the rest of my things. He won't respond. Why? I even offered to have a mutual friend stop by (he plans to talk to me when he is "ready"). I am at a place where I see the relationship can't work. And since he broke up with me, it's clear he feels the same way. Getting the rest of my things will be closure for me. Also, we slplit because he has anger issues that prevent him from communicating during times of disagreement. He was "hurt" I couldnt give him space and that i always wanted to talk about issues right away ( how "thoughtless" that is apparently).
Mack05 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Here is an extract from the book getting past your breakup.. "People become very creative in finding ways to stay in contact with their exe's. One of the most innocent ploys you hear about is when one person insists on retrieving something - a piece of clothing, a household item that belongs to him or her. Think about how important the item really is. If you need to return it, put it in a box and mail it. No note, no nothing. If you are the one who wants it, think about it. Is it worth more than your sanity?Probably not. Making a clean break is important, so clear up loose ends immediately. Avoid keeping anything or leaving anything that can be asked for later on. If you still have things return them. If there are things you have left behind ask for them once more (if its important to you) otherwise forget it and move on" For me S Gal unless he has some priceless family airloom, I forget about the stuff he has and move on with my life. You don't need the rest of your things to get closure. No matter what way you want to phrase it, the fact is getting your things is just another way to reach out to your ex. Let go S Gal and start the process of moving on. Closure comes from within, not because our exe's gave us our stuff back..
FinOuch Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 To me...the act of ignoring is both emotions and a power play. -Emotions because a breakup is hard enough as it is without being in contact. -A power play in two ways: 1) I'm sending the message that if I'm not "the one" or whatever, then I'm not willing to be anything to him. And 2) I'm regaining my personal power by not allowing him to be there to impede my recovery. You may think that getting your stuff back will be closure, just like I thought that learning that my ex did in fact dump me for another girl would bring me to closure faster. But the reality is that it won't. It just stirs up new emotions and questions. I honestly do believe everything I've been reading here and elsewhere - that closure comes from within. My advice is to just forget about your stuff, and when he's "ready" to talk to you again...don't let him.
wilsonx Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Just ignore it... my ex sent me an email today about me sending her 20 dollars for a set of plates that she left for me in the apartment. she told me I could have them a month ago but now she wants them back or for me to send her money... am I going to respond plus theres the power bill thats in her name and she wants money for it... right now i dont care to see her send her money or what ever... she can pound sand for all I care... she used me and this is the price
vsmini Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 So he'll talk to you when he's "ready" but he can't even respond about you getting your stuff? It does sound like a power play. What will happen is...you'll probably give up on getting your stuff back because you might realize it's not that important and move on....then he'll contact you out of the blue and mention your stuff and the pot will continue to stir. I say - you have a right to your stuff and I'd be pissed that he was ignoring me and most likely trying to stay in power. So let him down his own medicine and when he's 'ready' tell him to piss off by going No Contact. You can't reach him? Then he shouldn't be able to reach you.
vsmini Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Just ignore it... my ex sent me an email today about me sending her 20 dollars for a set of plates that she left for me in the apartment. she told me I could have them a month ago but now she wants them back or for me to send her money... am I going to respond plus theres the power bill thats in her name and she wants money for it... right now i dont care to see her send her money or what ever... she can pound sand for all I care... she used me and this is the price $20 for plates? Please. I'm embarassed for her.
vsmini Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 On the other side of the coin. I was dumped by my ex (he no longer wanted to be with me, I didn't cheat or pull any shady crap) two days before a wedding. I had paid for his transportation and hotel cost. $300 in total and he held onto 2 concert tickets of mine (as we split the cost of them - basically I paid for my own tickets) So in total - $500 one week after the dumping I asked for either the tickets (I would buy his off of him and wanted mine back) or the cost of the wedding I was stood up for. He refused both and told me I was just looking for excuses to still talk to him and was "shaking him down for money." I was infuriated I didn't let it go and got the wedding money back. But looking back - it wasn't worth the hassle.
wilsonx Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 god damnit i just broke NC but kept it professional because of the money aspect of it. "Send me an address to mail the check to. The plates you gave as a gift. After I send you the check, I've moved on and you will stop contacting me. We have no further business to discuss"
amethyste Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 god damnit i just broke NC but kept it professional because of the money aspect of it. "Send me an address to mail the check to. The plates you gave as a gift. After I send you the check, I've moved on and you will stop contacting me. We have no further business to discuss" I'd send her a box full of smashed plates.
wilsonx Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 You know its a good idea but its being spiteful and you actually lose the battle. If you do the right thing which I am by sending her money that is really owed to her, in the end you will be the winner. By being spiteful and revengeful for what your ex did to you, it only feeds their ego more. If you truly move on to the point where you do not need them in your life anymore and are completely indifferent, you actually win. Especially if they play games
amethyste Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 ^^ Yeah, I know. Though there's always room for fantasies
wilsonx Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 holy ****ing backslide batman, that email actually made me feel 10000xs worse today
Author ScienceGal Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Wilson!!! Money for plates? PUH-lease! When the ex and I were together we would cook a lot and i joked that if we ever split that I was taking all the spices I bought (they're expensive!) but it was just that, a joke. I just want my things back, not nit picking. Oh and the money he owes me. But i won't ask again. It's sad that he doesnt realize how great I was to hi ... His friends would say that I am so good for him and one of them told him he was a fool for leaving me. I hope he never realizes it either because i dont want him to call (I'm too nice)...and if it came down to it, I'd probably send the plates back too:/
Author ScienceGal Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 And you are right. In the end you do win. And so do I. We're the nice and reasonable ones... Being spiteful might feed the ego, but people like that will find in the end that all the company they have is their ego.
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