Sugarkane Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 One of my co workers has gotten back with her ex. They were togther 7 years and never even moved into together. Despite being together so long, the relationship never went anywhere. He brokeup with my co worker because she was cheating on him. Fast forward YEARS later. My co worker isn't getting attention from anyone. So she phones her ex and beggs and pleads for him back. He reluctantly gets back together with her. Now he only uses her for sex! Now she waits around for him and doesn't keep her own life going. We all warned her that he would want revenge and do this, but she didn't listen. She doesn't understand as she hasn't been betrayed by someone before. Just like all her other "relationships", they use her for sex and then go home. They never do any non sexual things together. Sad
OldOnTheInside Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I agree that second chances rarely work out, although there is quite a bit more to it. Whether the relationship is platonic or romantic, once certain lines have been crossed, there is no way to ever get the relationship back to the way it was. You can still have a healthy relationship, but things will be undeniably "different". I guess that your friend's bf didn't want to put the effort in to go with the reconciliation route. Can say I blame him. Some things that are broken are probably best to throw in the trash then repair. Shame that your friend is entirely oblivious to this though.
Ultrasonic Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 This is no example at all to go off of. This is merely a case of your coworker becoming desperate and begging and pleading for someone to take her back. (Which NEVER works out if you have to beg and plead, NEVER.) The guy was probably single and didn't LOVE her anymore, so he found an easy way to get laid and not put his emotions on the line. Maybe he never loved her? Maybe you should change the title to "Cheating ex's get screwed over because of their own mistakes"? She clearly must not have felt loved by him before if she had to cheat on him. (That's me being nice and assuming she didn't feel valued and had to get it from someone else). Either way, this is a pointless attempt at making people face a fake reality. ( I understand that might not have been your intention, and you just wanted to share what happened to someone, but still that is how it comes off). People can and do get back together all the time, and they can and do make it last; so far as to get married and live the rest of their days together. What a lot of people don't realize, is that it happens more often than one would expect. You just have to get back together under the right circumstances. You know, like actually loving each other.
truenigma Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 One of my co workers has gotten back with her ex. They were togther 7 years and never even moved into together. Despite being together so long, the relationship never went anywhere. He brokeup with my co worker because she was cheating on him. Fast forward YEARS later. My co worker isn't getting attention from anyone. So she phones her ex and beggs and pleads for him back. He reluctantly gets back together with her. Now he only uses her for sex! Now she waits around for him and doesn't keep her own life going. We all warned her that he would want revenge and do this, but she didn't listen. She doesn't understand as she hasn't been betrayed by someone before. Just like all her other "relationships", they use her for sex and then go home. They never do any non sexual things together. Sad there's a great book called "the Passion trap." It talks about relationship dynamics. Basically, "one up," and "one down." Usually in any rel/ship someone is a little more one down than the other...but if the scales are too out of whack...this sets the stage for what your friend is going through...basically allowing herself to be used. You have to have your own life and interests, and be willing to open your mouth when you aren't being treated well...if you stay in a rel/ship in constant fear of the other person leaving...you will usually get dumped. Your friend has chosen to throw away her dignity to be with this guy.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 This is no example at all to go off of. This is merely a case of your coworker becoming desperate and begging and pleading for someone to take her back. (Which NEVER works out if you have to beg and plead, NEVER.) The guy was probably single and didn't LOVE her anymore, so he found an easy way to get laid and not put his emotions on the line. Maybe he never loved her? Maybe you should change the title to "Cheating ex's get screwed over because of their own mistakes"? She clearly must not have felt loved by him before if she had to cheat on him. (That's me being nice and assuming she didn't feel valued and had to get it from someone else). Either way, this is a pointless attempt at making people face a fake reality. ( I understand that might not have been your intention, and you just wanted to share what happened to someone, but still that is how it comes off). People can and do get back together all the time, and they can and do make it last; so far as to get married and live the rest of their days together. What a lot of people don't realize, is that it happens more often than one would expect. You just have to get back together under the right circumstances. You know, like actually loving each other. I know that was my point to get back together, but not for the wrong reasons.
Exit Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Yeah... if there's any rule about relationships, it's that there is no rule. Generalizations fly around plenty on these forums, and it's just because all of us heartbroken people are seeking solid, tangible answers to help us heal. "Will my ex come back", "how does the dumper feel", "does this/that work", frankly there are no answers to any of this. It's like trying to figure out what happens after we die. There is truly no standard to go by. In the history of the world, I'm sure some of the most horrible, dead-end breakups with horrible exes have ended up in successful reconciliations, and peaceful, loving breakups where the two people are still in love, can lead to pain and never getting back together. I wouldn't say second chances rarely work out. I'd say "second chances rarely happen for the right reasons". People come back because they are lonely, because they are frightened, because being out in the world alone makes you FORGET why the relationship failed in the first place and makes you want to climb back into it like a comfortable bed, etc. IF a second chance happens because of true love, remorse, and forgiveness, it will work. If it's for any other superficial reason, I agree that it is probably doomed to fail.
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