Saxis Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 This is one of those "small town" dilemmas. Basically, I've been online dating in my small area and there's not much to choose from. One of the most promising profiles I've ran into didn't appear to be very active (hadn't been online in 3 weeks). I sent a message anyway. Never got a response, but she still hasn't been active and it's been two or three months now. I joined another dating site and noticed she was there also, but inactive again. A couple weeks ago, in the process of getting myself out there a bit more, I made a couple new friends, ended up getting Facebooked and all that crap. Guess who starts showing up in my "People I May Know" list? Of course her profile is mostly private, but turns out she's also a FB friend with one of my best friend's wife. Now, I haven't really asked, but I get the impression that my new friends are more just acquaintances with her from school or something. Would it be way too creepy to introduce myself through FB? Just a friendly message? And do I mention that I recognize her from the dating site at some point? I'm thinking ahead here... BIG IF... She responds and we start dating or something, maybe she thinks "Oh! I should go on and delete those profiles!"... and sees that I messaged her months ago. Now I look like a damn Internet stalker! What to do... Ask my friends about her, hope they can introduce me? Risk Internet stalker status? Haha! PS: I may be under the influence of Wild Turkey and Coke at the time of this writing... Forgive me!
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 This has happened more than once to me. And I don't even live in a small town, and I don't have a wide social net either. So you're not alone. I haven't discovered how to deal with this kind of situation though but I'll get back to you when I do.
Author Saxis Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Yeah, out of the 10 or so profiles I've messaged in my area, this is the third one that's popped up on Facebook. Even found that one was good friends with my X and her family, so that got cut short... It's just that everybody knows everybody here, so it's expected I guess.
JTMCMG Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Wow funny that happened. I was talking to a girl on one of those dating sites and it was going good and all of a sudden she blocked me. About a month later, here I am, having some drinks with a bunch of friends at another friends house and in through the front door she walks and I just hid myself all night and acted like I had never seen her before. Doesn't get more awkward than that lol. Turns out she's one of my friend's old ex gfs. But what you have is kind of a tough situation. If she does one day get back on after you say something on FB then yea, that might be stalker status. But you could always delete your profile so she never sees who messaged her and you should be in the clear. Even if she does find it weird, you kinda just stumbled upon her FB so you didn't do anything creepy.
oaks Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 What to do... Ask my friends about her, hope they can introduce me? Yes, this. Be careful, though, because they might not know that she's on a dating site and she might not want them to know so phrase it carefully.
Cee Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 My past experiences with online dating remind me that we live in a small world. Hopefully her FB profile picture is of her and not her dog or a flower. Because you can ask your friend about her and say, "She's looks familiar, but I can't place where I've seen her. She's cute though. What is she like?"
ChessPieceFace Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I've been online dating in my small area and there's not much to choose from. One of the most promising profiles I've ran into didn't appear to be very active (hadn't been online in 3 weeks). I sent a message anyway. Never got a response, but she still hasn't been active and it's been two or three months now. A couple weeks ago, in the process of getting myself out there a bit more, I made a couple new friends, ended up getting Facebooked and all that crap. Guess who starts showing up in my "People I May Know" list? Of course her profile is mostly private, but turns out she's also a FB friend with one of my best friend's wife. Now, I haven't really asked, but I get the impression that my new friends are more just acquaintances with her from school or something. Would it be way too creepy to introduce myself through FB? Just a friendly message? And do I mention that I recognize her from the dating site at some point? I'm thinking ahead here... BIG IF... She responds and we start dating or something, maybe she thinks "Oh! I should go on and delete those profiles!"... and sees that I messaged her months ago. Now I look like a damn Internet stalker! Yeah you definitely would have to mention pretty quickly that you messaged her on whatever sites you messaged her on. If you don't, then THAT'S what will be creepy. Probably have to do it in the first FB message you send. Maybe work that into the topic, like "hey, aren't you on (PoF or w/e)? I think I sent you a message there a while back! Small world!" etc. Feel free to edit at your leisure and add in the other pertinent parts. Just don't have the mindset that you're a weird stalker, otherwise your language will probably seem like that of a weird stalker.
Author Saxis Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Wow funny that happened. I was talking to a girl on one of those dating sites and it was going good and all of a sudden she blocked me. About a month later, here I am, having some drinks with a bunch of friends at another friends house and in through the front door she walks and I just hid myself all night and acted like I had never seen her before. Doesn't get more awkward than that lol. Turns out she's one of my friend's old ex gfs. But what you have is kind of a tough situation. If she does one day get back on after you say something on FB then yea, that might be stalker status. But you could always delete your profile so she never sees who messaged her and you should be in the clear. Even if she does find it weird, you kinda just stumbled upon her FB so you didn't do anything creepy. Haha! I'm afraid something like that will happen to me one of these days. I think I'd have to play it though. These girls only know me by a profile and a couple messages, and I them. There's still a chance for first impressions and it's much better than avoiding them and having an awkward night. But yeah, if we got to talking, I'd have to mention it at least, then delete profiles. If she asks, I can just say I'm not active there anymore. Yes, this. Be careful, though, because they might not know that she's on a dating site and she might not want them to know so phrase it carefully. I definitely wouldn't tell them I found her on the dating site. My best friend's wife... I wouldn't ask her at all. She's close friends with my X, who is still kinda bitter, would definitely tell her anything and everything and probably thinks unfavorably about our break up. Not sure I'd want her involved in a first impression! If I sent her a FB message though, I'd probably ask her how they know each other... might be a good opener. Couple of the friends are brother/sister and I think they went to school with her, but not close friends or anything. Still might be worth asking... find out if she is still single at least. My past experiences with online dating remind me that we live in a small world. Hopefully her FB profile picture is of her and not her dog or a flower. Because you can ask your friend about her and say, "She's looks familiar, but I can't place where I've seen her. She's cute though. What is she like?" Yes, her profile pictures were identical and gorgeous, so the pic was easy to spot! Yeah you definitely would have to mention pretty quickly that you messaged her on whatever sites you messaged her on. If you don't, then THAT'S what will be creepy. Probably have to do it in the first FB message you send. Maybe work that into the topic, like "hey, aren't you on (PoF or w/e)? I think I sent you a message there a while back! Small world!" etc. Feel free to edit at your leisure and add in the other pertinent parts. Just don't have the mindset that you're a weird stalker, otherwise your language will probably seem like that of a weird stalker. That's gonna be the hard part! Either way, I still have to explain the online dating message and how I found her in a way that isn't creepy. Also, she's going to want to know who I am and why I'm contacting her, and may just resort to asking our mutual friends. Again, if my friend's wife gets questioned, she may not speak favorably about me and the X... This is one reason I'd rather message her first, and use my friend's wife as a discussion point. Find out how they know each other (thinking they may have worked together for a short time), etc., since I was just in their wedding last weekend. They know each other somehow and I was actually hoping she would be attending the wedding, but no such luck!
Cee Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 This is getting complicated. Ok, let me come up with a couple schemes. #1 - Delete your dating profile immediately. She hasn't been logging on so she might not even remember you. Remove any pics on your Facebook that look like your profile pics. Get the best photos of you that you can b/c she's done the exact same thing. Then go ahead and friend her. And see what happens. You don't have to worry about a story just yet b/c there's no contact. #2 - Do some recon and research and try to find her in the wild. This is more of the substance of romantic movies, but at the very least you are going out. You probably won't meet her, but you might actually meet someone else. Whatever you do, have fun with this. It's an experiment to see if you can find new ways to meet dating prospects. Please don't get "one-itis" because she might not be who you think she is. And that one photo she trots out everywhere might not really look like her at all. Good luck on your mission.
Author Saxis Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 This is getting complicated. Ok, let me come up with a couple schemes. #1 - Delete your dating profile immediately. She hasn't been logging on so she might not even remember you. Remove any pics on your Facebook that look like your profile pics. Get the best photos of you that you can b/c she's done the exact same thing. Then go ahead and friend her. And see what happens. You don't have to worry about a story just yet b/c there's no contact. #2 - Do some recon and research and try to find her in the wild. This is more of the substance of romantic movies, but at the very least you are going out. You probably won't meet her, but you might actually meet someone else. Whatever you do, have fun with this. It's an experiment to see if you can find new ways to meet dating prospects. Please don't get "one-itis" because she might not be who you think she is. And that one photo she trots out everywhere might not really look like her at all. Good luck on your mission. So far, I'm under the impression that she has NO IDEA that I exist. Doesn't appear she's logged into the dating sites in a few months... before I messaged her. She probably won't recognize me from there. I'd say the only way it's an issue, is if I contact her, fail to mention the dating site and she then decides to log in for some reason. It would probably look like I tracked her down, albeit months later. She does have a public album up on FB, but different pics with family and her son. Out of the 30+, I haven't seen a bad pic of her yet! Looks like she comes from a good and close family, and from what I remember about her dating profile, a good head on her shoulders and many common interests. About doing recon though... I have no idea where to start. Her profile is pretty much all private. I know what she does for a living, and that she commutes quite a ways to work where my friend's wife lived. Both in the medical field, so I was assuming that's how they know each other. It's definitely not "one-itis"... Just an opportunity I didn't want to pass up. It would be one thing if she read my online dating message and just wasn't interested/didn't respond. I'm about 95% sure this isn't the case and I wouldn't even be asking about it. I'm just getting opinions on how or if I should proceed. I've never sent an unsolicited message to anyone, aside from online dating sites. What do the women think? Creepy? What about something like this: "Hi! I don't generally do this, but Facebook claims I should know you. I recognized you from PoF, but didn't look like you were active there anymore. I see we have a few mutual friends... How do you know [my friend's wife]? I was just in their wedding last weekend!"
Author Saxis Posted July 9, 2011 Author Posted July 9, 2011 Think I'm gonna have to pull the trigger on this. Really nothing to lose at this point... Any other recommendations on what I should say, or is something like the above good?
Author Saxis Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Her profile picture changed to one not of her, so I'm assuming my message was deleted and I was labeled as a creeper... Don't think my writing style has enough tact for the online thing.
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