Guys: would you admit to checking out other women?

[Lilmisus]

My good friend has recently ended her engagement with her fiance that has lasted 2.5 years now, because of quite a few different reasons.

 

The last straw for her though, was how when they're out, he wont pay her any attention. She'll get incredibly dressed up for him (btw, he's 46, she's 21), and he'll barely look at her, and will just look around the "restaurant" instead. According to her, this has been going on for the entire time they've been together, but this weekend she caught him again, and when she asked what he was looking at (multiple times, mind you), he finally admitted to checking out their waitress, who had been walking by. Apparently, he admitted that he does it a lot.

 

This irked my friend more than you'd believe, mainly because of how much he denied it at first, then admitted it, then denied it again (and admitted it in the midst of doing so). According to her it was like: "Well..I wasn't checking her out really, I was just looking, as she was passing by, she was just there." And this went on for a while. It ruined the trip that they took this weekend, and she said that she couldn't stand being lied to and him trying to change his story in the midst of telling the truth, to make it not seem as bad. As soon as they got back to her apartment, she tried to give her $12,000 engagement ring back to him, but when he refused to take it, she threw it out the window, and he just drove off. Like I said before though..this was just the last straw, not the only thing that made her decide to end things with him (age difference a big reason).

 

I tried to tell her that no guy in his right mind would admit to checking out other girls, but I want to see if any of you would?

[somedude81]

Eh, it depends on the situation and the personality of my date.

 

BTW, why is your friend dating a man who could be her father? That's a whole ball of issues right there, him checking out other girls is just one.

[Valid Sintax]

I tried to tell her that no guy in his right mind would admit to checking out other girls, but I want to see if any of you would?

 

Yes, you are correct...Dishonesty is the best policy.

[D-Lish]

If I'm secure with a guy and I catch him looking at a good lookin woman once and a while, it's not going to bother me. With my last ex I caught him glancing at this GORGEOUS girl sitting near us in a restaurant. As she was leaving, I said "That girl was really hot eh?" WIth a smile of course. He said "yeah, but you're hotter"... Nice answer! lol. It doesn't bother me unless they are doing it constantly.

 

I don't understand what a 21 year old girl could possibly see in a 46 year old man!

[vsmini]

My charming ex boyfriend admitted it when he had to. Sometimes his checking out was so blatantly obvious that he couldn't even continue the conversation with me and basically trailed off.

 

After him doing this quite a bit one night waiting for the train I finally called him out on it and said "Yes - I know, she's very pretty but I'm talking to you." I didn't scream or yell or raise my voice. I just said exactly that and said it was really insulting.

 

Then he turned it back on me saying that I don't need to flip out about things like that. Loser.

 

Checking a girl out - fine....girls do it too. Gawking so much you can't finish a sentence or listen to someone while doing it....you better admit it. You're a lying chump if you can't.

[TheCoolest]

Yah why not? She checks out chicks with me. Not like i say "hey that chick is way hotter than you" But if i see a cute girl and i look and she calls me on it i'll be like yea i was looking. But i don't ogle at any woman so she can't really get mad.

[D-Lish]

My charming ex boyfriend admitted it when he had to. Sometimes his checking out was so blatantly obvious that he couldn't even continue the conversation with me and basically trailed off.

 

After him doing this quite a bit one night waiting for the train I finally called him out on it and said "Yes - I know, she's very pretty but I'm talking to you." I didn't scream or yell or raise my voice. I just said exactly that and said it was really insulting.

 

Then he turned it back on me saying that I don't need to flip out about things like that. Loser.

 

Checking a girl out - fine....girls do it too. Gawking so much you can't finish a sentence or listen to someone while doing it....you better admit it. You're a lying chump if you can't.

 

Girls are better at being discreet. I've never been caught looking ONCE. We have better peripheral vision. I can be walking hand and hand with a guy and see the cute guy walking past me without turning my head or even looking sideways.

 

Because of that peripheral vision, I can also see my bf turn to look at me to see if I am looking at the cute dude walking past.

[KOH]

women should be bashing your friend instead of men, men aren't honest about those things because some women react just like your friend.

[carhill]

No I wouldn't admit to something that doesn't happen.

[Saxis]

I don't understand what a 21 year old girl could possibly see in a 46 year old man!

 

Probably something to do with this...

 

$12,000 engagement ring

[SlevinKalebra]

There is no cookie cutter answer (like with most questions on LS) IMO it boils down to two things

 

1. The relationship, I've got friends that are very open about window shopping with eachother ie "He's/She's hot I'd hit that." But that is there relationship. they are open about it and have a great relationship. They also don't do it maliciously, vindictively, or to incite jealousy

 

2. Respect- they know where the line is and do not cross it. I have no doubt if one or both of them did not feel comfortable with it they would not make these comments. Bottom line if what is being said/done makes the other partner uncomfortable it's not ok. That line should be set and respected by both

[Untouchable_Fire]

(btw, he's 46, she's 21),

 

As soon as they got back to her apartment, she tried to give her $12,000 engagement ring back to him, but when he refused to take it, she threw it out the window, and he just drove off.

 

These two pieces caught my eye. In my opinion she now owes him $12,000 and she is a total @ss.

 

If glance at another woman and she calls me on it... I will admit it if that was what I'm doing. I'm not interested in being with someone so freaking insecure that I have to stare at my shoes the whole time I'm with her. Personally, I think more guys should stand up for themselves on this.

 

I don't feel bad for this little 21yo gold digger. She will just sell her body to some other rich old man. You have great taste in friends.

[shadowofman]

Yes, I will admit it. But I don't ignore a beautiful woman sitting in front of me.

[LSChic]

I think it's healthy for a man to check out other women once in awhile, just like it's healthy for men (and women for that matter) to watch porn, have sexual fantasies, etc.

 

I don't expect the guy I'm with to ignore every other woman in the world and if I catch him looking, I'll generally make light of it. However, not being able to finish a sentence or never making eye contact for an entire night is excessive. At that point, you're just not with the person you're with anymore, you're somewhere else.

 

So, yes, unless you're overdoing it, 'fess up. A secure, stable woman generally won't mind in this day and age provided you've given her reason to trust your fidelity throughout your relationship. Denying it when we've caught you just makes you look like a jackass.

 

If you're overdoing it, you should be with the woman you're staring at, not with the woman in front of you.

[Tasha49]

ALL men scope. It is how they are built. Even I scope other women out and I am straight. Most of the time all of us women look at other women because we compare. And none of us can deny it. It is a part of life.

 

When I see a guy I don't check him out because there isn't much to check out under loose fitting clothes. Women have far more curves and most all have tight clothing so men can basically see every curve. Men can't help it. Everyone stares at everyone. The admitting just may never come out.

 

If my bf and I were out I would just ignore it because all he'd be doing is glancing real quick. Unless he just stands there gaping at her then I would be mad. I like this saying: You can look but don't touch-- same with thinking it but not saying it aloud. Because that is just disrespectful IMO.

 

It's his significant other he'll be going to bed with, not the girl in skin-tight yoga pants.

[Lilmisus]

Why is she with him? Not because he's rich (he's not, he just knows how to use credit cards like most Americans now ), but because they both claimed to be in love with one another. He was actually her high school teacher when she was in 9th grade, and he helped tutor her after high school when she was in a college match class, after they reconnected through church. (Seriously, nothing went down when she was in high school). After many months of tutor sessions, they progressed to a friends level, which progressed to him claiming to have feelings for her, which then progressed to her deciding to give him a shot....2.5 years later, after getting engaged, here they are now: broken up.

 

Yeah, it's a really weird and suspicious (and many think sick) love story, but I don't judge my friend at all for her choices, and support whatever she choices to do. He is (was) the only guy she wants to be with, but not because of his money..but just because he's him.

 

That being said, he would ignore her while out in public with her. While together, she had his full intention, but only when not in public. He would constantly just look around at the "restaurant" most every time they were out and about, and each time she would ask over the past couple years, he'd always say he was just looking at the restaurant and what was around him. Last night, I presume she just got the "truth" out of him, when she noticed him doing the side glance at the waitress that passed by. She said that after all the sacrifices she made for him to be together, she just thought that it was wrong that he couldn't pay her attention while together in public (yet felt insulted if she didn't wear the engagement ring).

 

I see nothing wrong with checking someone else out while with your SO. Hell, with my ex, I would openly do it, and he did too, and we both flirted with whoever else, but we also trusted each other to know it meant nothing (till the end of the relationship that is ). We actually joked around about it sometimes because it wasn't a big deal. But like me...my friend thinks it wrong to be lied to about anything, even something as simple as checking out other girls. He's lied to her in the past about different things, and I think she's just sick of it by now.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I see nothing wrong with checking someone else out while with your SO. Hell, with my ex, I would openly do it, and he did too, and we both flirted with whoever else, but we also trusted each other to know it meant nothing (till the end of the relationship that is ). We actually joked around about it sometimes because it wasn't a big deal. But like me...my friend thinks it wrong to be lied to about anything, even something as simple as checking out other girls. He's lied to her in the past about different things, and I think she's just sick of it by now.

 

In my 30 some years of life... I've learned that the people most often lied to are the ones that are pricks. The more judgmental you are... the more most people will lie to you. That goes double if they have an emotional investment in keeping you happy.

 

So, for some people that complain everyone lies to them... often it just sucks to tell them the truth.

 

This should not have been that big a deal, and clearly she blew this way out of proportion. She is only 21 and should take her time growing up anyway.

[elleorbianca]

I told my fiance that it's ok to check out other women. He admits that he does it (in general) but is suave and considerate enough to not do it around me... at least to where I notice.

 

There are times when a girl walks by and I just knew he must have checked her out because she is his type. Instead of accusing him, I just say "that girl had a nice butt (or legs, boobs, body etc.) He usually pretends like he hardly noticed but makes some comment which lets me know that he did notice.

 

I don't see the big deal about checking out other people in general. What is unacceptable is not noticing your own fiance and checking out other people so obviously that it becomes disrespectful to your partner. Or lying about it.

[musemaj11]

A woman can capture a man's heart but she can never capture his penis.

[sabienne]

Just curious men, how would you feel if your girl was checking out other men in front of you?

 

Not having a go, I'm just wondering how all these "it's hardwired for men to stare" preachers would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. We like to look too.

[Cee]

I choose to believe that this 21-year old woman wanted to jump ship already and used a flimsy excuse to break it off cold.

 

Sometimes it's easier to find a simple deal breaker than to go into a lengthy discussion about general discontent and unhappiness.

 

From what little you've said about the relationship, it sounds like there were many problems already present between them. And maybe the breakup was a good thing for both of them.

[Nexus One]

I tried to tell her that no guy in his right mind would admit to checking out other girls, but I want to see if any of you would?

 

Guys: would you admit to checking out other women?

 

Yes I would. If I genuinely was checking out another woman, then I'd admit that I did it if she'd ask what I was looking at.

 

Why? Because when it comes to an SO I don't want to play games or lie to her.

 

Then again, I tend to want to go for girls that absorb all my visual attention. When I look at a girl that makes everything around her fade to black, then I know I potentially want to take her out to get to know her. Every guy knows what I'm talking about when I say that there are women out there that end all other women. It's a matter of taste of course and that taste is different for every guy, but in my opinion that's the kind of woman a guy should want to get to know to see if they're compatible. In my opinion, for a woman it's the ideal scenario if the guy only has eyes for her.

 

Such women do not come in droves though, at least not for me, they tend to be rare. But as guys have different tastes, there might just be that right kind of guy out there that sees you in THAT way.

 

Just an anecdote I witnessed yesterday. I was sitting somewhere in public and somewhat further a guy and girl were sitting on a bench. I don't know if they were girlfriend and boyfriend, but at a certain point 2 girls passed and the guy turned his head at the girls and the girl next to him said: "Nice view?", to which he responded: "Yes that road is very properly constructed." A while later when they left she turned around to look at me. Not sure what the dynamics was between them, but perhaps they weren't in a serious relationship.

Edited July 8, 2011 by Nexus One

[Andy_K]

Girls are better at being discreet. I've never been caught looking ONCE. We have better peripheral vision. I can be walking hand and hand with a guy and see the cute guy walking past me without turning my head or even looking sideways.

 

Because of that peripheral vision, I can also see my bf turn to look at me to see if I am looking at the cute dude walking past.

 

The peripheral vision thing is a relatively little known fact and well worth emphasising.

 

Many girls will complain that their guys don't need to be so blatant about it when they check girls out. But... we kind of do! They don't realise that we just simply don't have the same peripheral vision as they do. If we're not staring directly at something, we can't see it in much detail at all.

 

This is also why we can't find things in the fridge or see if the carpet needs hoovering

[Nexus One]

The peripheral vision thing is a relatively little known fact and well worth emphasising.

 

Many girls will complain that their guys don't need to be so blatant about it when they check girls out. But... we kind of do! They don't realise that we just simply don't have the same peripheral vision as they do. If we're not staring directly at something, we can't see it in much detail at all.

 

This is also why we can't find things in the fridge or see if the carpet needs hoovering

 

We men also s*ck at multitasking. I complete tasks/projects in a serial order, while my female colleagues are able to do all sorts of things simultaneously. I had to explain to them that I can't do everything at once. It's interesting to see that employers also tend to hire women for jobs that require multitasking.

[vsmini]

There are times when a girl walks by and I just knew he must have checked her out because she is his type. Instead of accusing him, I just say "that girl had a nice butt (or legs, boobs, body etc.) He usually pretends like he hardly noticed but makes some comment which lets me know that he did notice.

.

 

I never understood why women do this - it's like you're baiting your guy. Do women think it makes them look cool to think another chick is hot and then vocalize it to their guy? It's a total trap. It's also passive aggressive and probably just confuses your guy even more. Why not say "hey - that's disrespectful so stop." Easy as pie.