Lilmisus Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 The information that my ex at the very least tried to cheat on the girl that he left me for, is eating at me inside. I know that finding out something from a second hand source doesn't make it that reliable, but the friend who told me it (who was there), is not the type of person who'd lie about something like this. What happened (this time), was: his girlfriend was out of town at camp for a week I think, and he was out with my friend and a bunch of other coworkers after work, drinking. My friend's 18 year old daughter was there, and as my ex was getting tipsy, he started hitting on my friend's daughter and was trying to get very friendly with her. To the point where he suggested taking her back to his place, but at that point my friend came into the picture and told him that he was with his girlfriend, so to stop it. He asked her why she was bossing him around, saying that she wasn't the boss of him, and she said that no, she wasn't, but she was just being a mother. Knowing my ex (who I'm pretty sure cheated on me), he's done this on more than one occasion. He is the type of person who loves to flirt and socialize, and pretty much is your typical player. He swore to me while we were together that those days were behind him (he even told me how many girls he slept with and how he did a contest a few years ago to see who amongst his friends could sleep with the most girls in a summer), and that he didn't need sex like he used to, that he wanted a relationship more substantial than that, and that was why our relationship progressed so slowly. As it wore on though, and drew to an end, his old ways started showing more and more. By the time his new girlfriend came along, I'm pretty sure he cheated on me with her because he just didn't change. From what I've gathered from many people that still work with them, it's obvious that he's only living with her and using her for sex and because she'll do whatever he says. That along with the fact that he told me that she didn't mean anything to him a couple months ago (after they started seeing each other), just proves to me that their relationship is practically nothing..just her being a ditsy little girl and him using her like he used me. Making me not feel nearly as bad for knowing that I could end their relationship if I just tell one person what my friend told me. Plus you know..with the whole backstabbing part that plays into it, I just really want to see her get hurt as bad as she hurt me. I'm over my ex..but it will take a very, very long time before I'm over how bad she and others hurt me. She was cheated on by one boyfriend (she told me all about it), so I know that would hurt her even more. So tell me: what would you do if you had this sort of information that could hurt the person that hurt you the most? Or would you look at this from another angle and try to help her get out of an obviously bad relationship where she's being used and probably cheated on?
geegirl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 (edited) The title of your post speaks of your motive. I don't think it has anything to do with being concerned about his new girlfriend. You want the satisfaction of seeing him hurt from losing her and feel vindicated knowing he is now left empty handed just as how he left you empty handed. Plus, even if you warned her, do you think she would believe you? She'd probably go and ask/tell him, he'll brainwash her and they would look at you as the ex who's looking to cause trouble. And stop trying to speculate the extent of their R based on your history and third party informants. Stop engaging yourself in his life. Start living yours. I know he hurt you but going back to hurt him will not change a thing except leave you looking like a bitter ex that can't let go. Edited July 8, 2011 by geegirl
lonelynyc Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Even if the information you give could break them up, it won't bring him back into your life, and it certainly won't restore the happier days you had with him (which is presumably why you care even now). We're all here because we're enduring a great deal of pain. Bringing pain to others, no matter how much they deserve it, will only make us more miserable. I would remember the Nietzsche quote about being careful not to become a monster when fighting a monster. Just avoid this conflict. You are a better person than him. There are 100 guys right now who would prize someone with your values. It doesn't feel like it now, because you're still dealing with the fallout from your past relationship, but you have to move on.
Author Lilmisus Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 The title of your post speaks of your motive. I don't think it has anything to do with being concerned about his new girlfriend. You want the satisfaction of seeing him hurt from losing her and feel vindicated knowing he is now left empty handed just as how he left you empty handed. Plus, even if you warned her, do you think she would believe you? She'd probably go and ask/tell him, he'll brainwash her and they would look at you as the ex who's looking to cause trouble. And stop trying to speculate the extent of their R based on your history and third party informants. Stop engaging yourself in his life. Start living yours. I know he hurt you but going back to hurt him will not change a thing except leave you looking like a bitter ex that can't let go. Yeah, I couldn't care less about how well she's doing, and her well being is of no concern to me. And I don't want to see him hurt...that's pretty much the only thing that's keeping me from doing anything about this. The fact that I don't want him to be hurt, at all, and actually still would love to see him happy and have a good life. Just...not with her Call it me being selfish, but it's hard to want their happiness while together when they caused me so much misery. But you are right about one thing: he would brainwash her to believe that nothing was going on. He tried to convince me more than once of something, and to believe that he was faithful, so it wouldn't surprise me at all. But, I wouldn't be the one to tell her (I never want to speak to or see her again), I would ask a friend of mine to do it, who is on decent terms with her...which isn't any better, I know. And I am living my life. Very well right now actually. I haven't been as happy as I am right now in a very long time. It's just hard not to remember that two months ago, my friend and I were plotting to break them up (when I was still there and still had him in control of my feelings), by having him at least try to cheat on his girlfriend..and now, that could happen..just with a different girl. Would anyone decide to tell the girlfriend and go through with breaking them up? Let the evil and selfishness take you over...and get the revenge that you want? And just to clear the air: I'm not going to do anything...it's just fun to play with the idea of being able to, and I'm wondering what others would do if they were in my spot.
geegirl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I would never do it. The best revenge is living well. Scheming, even if it's for fun, just keeps the focus on him when it should be solely focused on you. Best to invest all that energy elsewhere. His life, and hers should be none of your concern whatsoever. My ex was cheating on me with several women and I even caught him in the midst of sex with one. He has a new girl now. I can easily tell her and mess him up. It's not my place to seek justice. It will find him one day.
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