Country_Girl Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 So, I have a question. I've been dating a guy for 2 weeks, things are pretty serious in the sense that we've already had the exclusive talk. He's very wonderful to me, and we've pretty much spent (almost) every day together for the last 2 weeks. I'm not jumping into anything too quick, I just happen to enjoy spending time with him, and he seems to want to spend every moment with me. Here's the thing. I have this guy friend that I do subcontract work for, and when I first met this "friend" a few months ago, I was pretty infatuated with him. We went on 2 dates before I started working for him, but nothing ever happened- no kisses or anything, just hugs. I wouldn't call this guy a rebound, but he was the first person I crushed on since my breakup in December- when I never even thought it was possible to move on. So, I no longer hold feelings for the guy friend...I mean, I do as in I really care about him and his well being, I think he is attractive, but I no longer see him in a romantic light per say. So, anyway, I meet up with the guy friend about once a week, we talk business, shoot the sh*t and share a meal. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel guilty, like I am doing something wrong. I guess I've just never had opposite sex friendships while in a relationship before, so this issue never had to be tackled. So, I'm just wondering, should I tell the guy I am seeing that I did date this friend? Would you want to know, if you were in this situation guys? Or, since nothing happened on these dates- should I not even mention it? I don't want the guy I am seeing to be uncomfortable with me hanging out with this friend, but I also feel like I am lying if I say nothing. Make sense? Advice Please.
iJester Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 A) You clearly are jumping in fast, by your standards, depending on whether you've been sexually active with this guy or not. It could be a good thing though. It could mean that you really like the guy since no one's got you going like this in quite some time now. B) I say you just tell him about this meeting as it comes up. Don't hide it, but don't just put it out there for no reason either. You might have to clarify what "talking business" consists of...just a thought, lol. After two have been together for a bit longer, you could even offer to let him meet this guy. May want to leave out the part about you being formerly infatuated.
Author Country_Girl Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 A) You clearly are jumping in fast, by your standards, depending on whether you've been sexually active with this guy or not. It could be a good thing though. It could mean that you really like the guy since no one's got you going like this in quite some time now. B) I say you just tell him about this meeting as it comes up. Don't hide it, but don't just put it out there for no reason either. You might have to clarify what "talking business" consists of...just a thought, lol. After two have been together for a bit longer, you could even offer to let him meet this guy. May want to leave out the part about you being formerly infatuated. A) Yeah, I agree it seems I am jumping in fast- but I don't feel I am. I mean, sure, I'm attached to him...but after my last breakup, I was so devastated and co-dependent, I realize I'm no longer the same person. It's always him that initiates multiple hangouts (before work, lunch, after work)- I know we should spend less time together, but I guess I have been on his side of the spectrum so I am understanding if he wants to spend more time together, if that makes sense. But I am taking things as they go, and I'm finally in a place where I am happy- sure, he adds to that factor, but I am no longer in a place where I feel that I need someone to complete me. We are sexually active, even though I told myself I would wait, but there is so much chemistry- it's undeniable really. B) Today I met with the friend, and I did let him know that this guy is a friend if anything, and I also do sub-contract work for him. I did tell him we'll meet for an hour and do some brainstorming, and that we'll most likely b.s. for another hour to catch up on what's going on in our lives. Yeah, I think I'll leave out the infatuation part, lol! And good idea, maybe the next time I hang out with my date I'll shoot the friend a text and see if he wants to meet up, that way they can get to know each other.
Author Country_Girl Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 I don't think you're doing anything wrong but I see where you would be uncomfortable. You said you are exclusive, but you are bf/gf official yet? I probably wouldn't bring it up until then. When you do decide to tell him, I don't think it warrants a sit-down-lets-discuss-it talk. But maybe bring it up casually the next time to plan to meet up with your friend. When you tell him what you did that day or are planning to do, bring it up in a no-big-deal kind of way. He will probably prompt you for more info and you can explain then. Pretty much gf/bf. He slipped and called me his girlfriend the other day, I thought it was cute. We both said we are not dating anyone else, or sleeping with anyone else, nor are there plans to. See I've already told him about said friend, that I work for a friend, but never got into the story of how we met or anything. And well, I'm living in a new state as of a few months ago, so he knows this friend isn't someone I've known for years. So, do you think I should even bring it up a this point, or just wait and see if he asks?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I say tell him everything, if you want this relationship to last you will need honesty and starting it off without honesty is just setting you up for failure. Tell him everything, and even make a point to say that the only thing those dates lead to was a few hugs and nothing more.
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