Does she want to be with me?

[Scott0013]

So here goes the story: I had a wonderful relationship, but it wasn't perfect, and I screwed some things up. I started seeking attention in other women, via the Internet. My ex caught me maintaining an online dating profile, twice, and she found out I had a little sexting session with a woman off CL. Despite these screw ups, my ex stayed with me.

 

Then I deployed to Asia, and we grew kinda distant, and even got into some fights, and she left me for another guy. I didn't know about the other guy, I just knew we were broken up. I didnt read too much into the break up. I always thought we could fix it when i got back. I acted like a stubborn ass while we were fighting, even going so far as to tell her that I was going to move out of our house when I got back.

 

So I get back, and as soon as she sees me, she starts crying. I also found out that, because she thought I was going to move out, she let the new guy (named Koby) move in. She also got his name tattooed on her foot. Everything about them screams classic fast-commitment rebound relationship. She is much smarter than that, most of the time. She told me how she never felt appreciated with me because of my mistakes, how he gives her the affection I didn't. Anyway, since I had nowhere to go (I never planned on moving out) and obviously the living situation couldn't stand as is, she moved out with him and they got a new place.

 

As soon as it hit me that she actually wasn't mine anymore, I was devastated.

I set about trying to get her back. I wrote her a beautiful letter about how much I loved her, how sorry I was for what I've done, and how I was absolutely willing to let the stupid **** go to get my baby back. She was very touched by the letter, cried, and we went to dinner, where she told me she was going to have Koby move out so she could be single and we could start dating again and see what happens.

 

So about two weeks later, he still lives there, and I notice that she only sees me when he is at work, or elsewhere. I'm starting to feel like she lied to me for whatever reason. She still starts to cry everytime we discuss our relationship at lunch and whatnot, and everytime I ask her if she loves Koby like she loved me, the answer is always no.

 

So I decide I can't take the feeling that she is playing both of us anymore. I tell her she needs to either take another chance with me, or leave me be so that I can get over her. She tells me she can't lose me, that I've been a such a staPle in her life. So I tell her that I want to accompany her on a business related Vegas trip. I suggest that we spend the weekend in Vegas, and hopefully she feels that spark again, and can commit to working things out with me. I make it clear to her that if I go to Vegas, she has to give me a straight up decision before I leave: Try with me, or stay with Koby and let me go. She agrees.

 

So Vegas happens, and we had a wonderful time, just like we used to. We even kissed, passionately, many times. On the last day she tells me that she can't lose me, and she is going to get him out. We even made 4th of July plans. So I leave Vegas a happy man.

 

Then she gets back, and nothing has changed. I don't feel as if she has asked him to move out, and she flakes on our 4th of July plans. I have to admit I started acting kinda psycho, texting her a lot and stuff. I should also mention that this woman has a LOT on her plate, besides this. She is just starting a new career and also undergoing a new treatment for her cancer. So I understand that she may be a bit busy.

 

When I ask her why she has been ignoring me, she tells me that she just has a lot going on right now. She tells me it's hard, going through what she is going through, which now includes the financial problems of having Koby move out of the place and having to pay rent herself. I don't know if she actually asked him to move out or if she was just saying that.

 

Also, the night of the third, I was texting her at work. No answer. She finally texts me back saying she is taking care of a drunk, so I call. She answers the phone and she is wasted, and pissed. She starts yelling at me about how I'm acting psycho just like she did when she found out about the **** I did. she pretty much tells me that I deserve what I'm going through, for putting her through it, and she essentially says that I'm the one that ****ed things up, and I lost her, and go to hell.

 

Obviously I didn't enjoy that convo, but it felt kinda good for the confusion to be over, to have closure. Then about an hour later she calls me back. Still drunk, and crying. She says "I can't do this" and " I need you to be my Scotty and tell me everything is going to be okay" so now again, I'm confused. I say to her," but you have Koby" to which she replies " no, I don't" before her battery dies.

 

So here I am again, still confused. Does she want to be with me again? If she does, can she ever trust me again? Does she want to stay with Koby and move on? And if so, why won't she just tell me that do I can move on?

 

She avoids talking about these things, using her busy work schedule as an excuse, which is legit, but she could still have these talks with menif she wanted to. I just want to know where her mind is, what she wants, and if it's worth it for me to keep pursuing her. I want her back more than anything, but I don't want to chase something that isn't there.

 

Thanks.

[sd89]

sounds a little bit like what im going through. id just back off for a bit and leave her alone. its what im doing now and dont really know what will happen but its nice not worrying everyday about her.