weefy12 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I've been dating this girl for 2 weeks and I've spent everyday with her too. We had a talk about being exclusive a few days ago. So fast forward to last night, she gets a text message in the middle of the night and it's from her EX saying, "Good night babe." She was still asleep, so she didn't see me seeing the message. Now, I hate prying into people's business, but at that point, I felt I had a right to know because I don't want to waste my time. So, I opened her phone and read her latest text messages from her EX. What I got from it was, she texting him saying how she wish things could go back to the way they were and him saying how she should stay with him. Also, it looks like he doesn't know about me. Actually, he does: here's the kicker. She texted him saying, 'Some guy is picking up her dog.' I happen to be that guy. I haven't confronted her about this yet. From what she's been telling me her EX is a douche, but what girl doesn't say that. Also, they've been broken up for a year or more. I sent her a text today trying to remind her that I care about her and if she needs anything, that I'm here for her. Here's my question: What do I do? Do I tell her I saw the messages? Do I just send her another text or talk to her reminding her that I care about her? Do I just dump her altogether? I'm really at a loss of what to do, because I really like her. She dated this guy for 3 years, so I have a feeling she might just be relapsing into a comfort zone.
Dust Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 If you still like her then just confront her. Just tell her everything. Personally I couldn’t trust her after this. It’s only been two weeks just leave her. You’ll be kicking yourself after you’ve spent more time and really given her a chance to hurt you. That is if she doesn’t just hurt you some more sooner then later. Have you guys had sex?
phineas Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 You talked about being exclusive, does that mean you are exclusive now? And she is texting an ex like that? Do you really have to ask? and, you are spending way too much time together. WAY too much time. Don't you have a life or hobbies or something? Are you even sleeping with her?
Author weefy12 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) Phineas Yeah, we're supposed to be exclusive. I mean, I always am with any girl I date (as soon as I kiss them intimately.) We talked about being exclusive kind of informally drunk a few nights ago and then talked about it again sober very briefly. I agree we're probably spending way too much time. We're both just kind of homebodies, so we don't mind going out for an hour or two and then just spending the rest of the night at home. And yep, I'm sleeping with her. Dust, I like her, which is rare. I don't usually date much because it's hard to find girls that I'm attracted to personality wise. I think it would be hard to confront her without telling her how I knew. Dasein, I was thinking about saying something similar to that, but I don't really want to leave her. Overall, I've known her for about 6 months, but only started dating these past 2 weeks, so it's not like I just met her otherwise I probably would have been over her. I was thinking of bringing up how I feel that she might not be over her past and when she closes it, she can open new relationships. I just want to say something to her similar to that, that will make her reevaluate what she's doing without me calling her out directly. Also, as a side note, I've been spending all the time with her, she always calls me at her lunch break, and I've met her parents a few times picking her up because she still lives with her parents (She's 21, I'm 23.) Her parents seem crazy too, and she's mentioned a couple times that I'm the only guy to really get acquainted with her family-- I've even had a few double dates with her brother and his girlfriend. So I mean it leaves little room to actually talk to her EX besides texting. Edited July 7, 2011 by weefy12 Adding more
vsmini Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 She's not over her ex. Never date someone who keeps in such close contact with their ex - especially when residual feelings are involved. It's a mistake to stay with her. Either talk to her and say it has to stop (which she probably won't like) or walk. You don't want to stay with her and constantly have to check her phone months from know wondering if she's still talking to him. It's exhausting.
Surf Rider Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 The text msg would be enough for me to just move on. I agree 100%. I have numerous other threads about this. If she is still communicating with her ex, then that would tell me that she has not moved on and gotten over him. Before my ex left me, she would tell me all about her ex's just to start a conversation. This worried me because that is all she would talk about and when i confronted her about it, she lied to me and said she had no idea why she was saying that kind of stuff. It's gonna be hard, but let her go.
alexlakeman Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Don't move on. sleep with her a few times b4 you do..If you want to be a d)ck; text the ex from her phone with some crazy sh)t, lol... ie "I want to go back with you only if we have a threesome and you kick me around a little bit"... lol
vsmini Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I've even had a few double dates with her brother and his girlfriend. So I mean it leaves little room to actually talk to her EX besides texting. It kind of sounds like you are in denial about this a little bit. She can talk to him via email, text, phone and possibly see him in person when he's around. Why don't you want to leave her? She might seem "great" but you aren't the one she's thinking about...otherwise she wouldn't be wishing things could be different between she and her ex. Don't get too caught up in what you want her to be...start seeing her for who she really is. How do you find out what she really is? Confront her and if she lies....get out. If you stay you really only have yourself to blame for a poor relationship if one results from this.
phineas Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I agree 100%. I have numerous other threads about this. If she is still communicating with her ex, then that would tell me that she has not moved on and gotten over him. Before my ex left me, she would tell me all about her ex's just to start a conversation. This worried me because that is all she would talk about and when i confronted her about it, she lied to me and said she had no idea why she was saying that kind of stuff. It's gonna be hard, but let her go. Dated a chick like this. She'd hang out with an ex from 6 yrs ago if she wasn't dating anyone (she claimed) I could tell she was still very much in love with him. But, he did not want kids or to get married & her biological clock was ticking I guess. well two ex's & two kids later she's dateing me. Well, she claimed she'd never go back to him but something was keeping her from making me feel like a priority. so I got out. Don't move on. sleep with her a few times b4 you do..If you want to be a d)ck; text the ex from her phone with some crazy sh)t, lol... ie "I want to go back with you only if we have a threesome and you kick me around a little bit"... lol I agree with this. I wouldn't of before my divorce but considering the women I meet lately i'd never get laid if I LAUNCHED! every chick that was like this.
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