lonelynyc Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I'm on day 3 of NC, but it's been an extremely slow and painful 3 days. Took yesterday off from work because I was just feeling awful, not capable of handling my responsibilities efficiently. Today I was eating my lunch in a courtyard between my office building and another one, and I saw this couple eating their lunch, and it just made me lose my appetite. They were so in love, feeding each other little spoonfuls of each other's food. Well, that type of thing was never really my style (at least not in public) but to see them so happy just reminded me all the more of my situation. It didn't help that the female bore a slight resemblance to my ex. What kills me is that we had tender, loving moments like that LAST WEEK. It makes me want to pick up my phone and beg for a reconciliation, which I know, deep down, would lead only to disastrous, mind-bending heartbreak. Still with all this NC, I feel like she's a perpetual presence in my thoughts. I keep staring at my phone waiting for the call that doesn't come. How do I contain myself when around all these loving couples? It feels like the whole world is finding a life-long significant other (including 2 of my closest friends), and meanwhile I just lost one. I'm not ready to meet new people, so how do I just block out the romance all around me when all I can think about is the love I lost?
just_scott Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 just look at those couples and say what SUCKERS she's probably doing the paper boy and he's probably doing some waitress wait till they are no more see how happy they are then
Geya Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Haha I 100% understand where you're coming from, that's exactly how I felt, I hated lovers, i hated love, I didn't wana see it around me cuz it reminded me of what I lost, it hurt me and I just couldn't stand being around couples.. But as you release your attachment, you'll no longer see it that way, on the contrary you'll love being around people filled with love, cuz you know you'll find that special one one day and it's exciting, and really nice to know that love is in the air, and its available and free.. it's a beautiful feeling I no longer hate couples , just the opposite
Author lonelynyc Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Haha I 100% understand where you're coming from, that's exactly how I felt, I hated lovers, i hated love, I didn't wana see it around me cuz it reminded me of what I lost, it hurt me and I just couldn't stand being around couples.. But as you release your attachment, you'll no longer see it that way, on the contrary you'll love being around people filled with love, cuz you know you'll find that special one one day and it's exciting, and really nice to know that love is in the air, and its available and free.. it's a beautiful feeling I no longer hate couples , just the opposite I know I'll feel better one day, I just don't have the same optimism about love anymore. I know my ex still loves me, but left because she wasn't happy being with me anymore. The thought that relationships still collapse even when both people love each other is TERRIFYING for me. I wasn't perfect, but I did work very hard at being a good man to her (would have done it forever). After this, I just feel like it's so easy to **** everything up it's almost like I know I'll lose someone again. Going through that whole awkward and nervous first stage of getting to know someone just feels so difficult and fruitless to me right now.
Geya Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I know I'll feel better one day, I just don't have the same optimism about love anymore. I know my ex still loves me, but left because she wasn't happy being with me anymore. The thought that relationships still collapse even when both people love each other is TERRIFYING for me. I wasn't perfect, but I did work very hard at being a good man to her (would have done it forever). After this, I just feel like it's so easy to **** everything up it's almost like I know I'll lose someone again. Going through that whole awkward and nervous first stage of getting to know someone just feels so difficult and fruitless to me right now. You said it, that's how you feel right NOW, because your heart is breaking, your perception of love becomes distorted, you need to heal and never ever give up on love, no matter what, and no matter how many crappy relationships you go through, they'll all lead to the perfect one, it's all worth it trust me
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 how do I just block out the romance all around me when all I can think about is the love I lost? walk up to the couples and politely ask: "so how long have you two been almost about to break up?" ok probably shouldn't do that but let the sight of their romance spark that hope in your soul that you will find someone even better than your ex.
Author lonelynyc Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 walk up to the couples and politely ask: "so how long have you two been almost about to break up?" ok probably shouldn't do that but let the sight of their romance spark that hope in your soul that you will find someone even better than your ex. hahaha you actually make a pretty good point. reading all these posts in this forum has given me a lot of insight. last week every time we had a loving moment that seemed to suggest we would stay together, it might have been one-sided. She was probably forcing it the whole time, trying to overcompensate with ever "baby I love you so much," because she knew she just didn't want to be with me anymore.
rita1967 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 i know what you mean, especially if you live in nyc. this city is so much better when it's shared with someone, now i'm starting to hate it because EVERYTHING in nyc reminds me of him. ughhhh.
SelfControl Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 lonelynyc...I am curious. How old are the two of you? How long did you date? How close do you live to her? Looking back, did you see signs of her pulling away?
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