letloverule Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Hi Guys! Thanks for reading and letting me share my story, I am so impressed with the passion and compassion on this site. I had been with my guy for about 6 months. We had taken things extremely slow building a very strong friendship, as he had his heart broken by his ex fiance (she cheated on him and got pregnant by another man) around 8 months prior to us meeting. We built a very strong bond before anything physical happened...(he said he loved me before we had even kissed.) Around April we were working together very intensely on a project and he started spending the night at my place on a egular basis(we haven't had sex - as we both weren't ready.) Other aspects of his life started to get very difficult - his work life especially, where he felt like a "failure" I gave him space and did not push him to talk to me about - just let him know that i was there for him to listen if he needed it. Things started to really pile up on him and he seemed more and more out of sorts and lost...and said he needed to go home for a visit, see his friends and find his feet. He came over the night before he left and packed up some of his things for his trip, but left a large amount of clothing at my place..said he would text and call me while he was away and gave me a hug good-bye. I asked you sure you are coming back? something in my gut felt like he was slipping into something and I had to ask him. he said "of course i am."Since we started dating we have never gone more than a day or two without contact - whether it was a text or call whatever. I didn't hear from him while he was away - he updated his FB page everyday with pictures and videos of him and his friends- but I didn't comment or anything cause I thought he wanted some space, and I didn't call or text him either for the same reason. He got back into town and I still didn't hear from him - but I did comment on one FB post about him being back intown and at work. just a smiley face. it's been six and half weeks and still no word. I have since called him twice and sent him four text messages. (saying things like I am thinking of you, hope you are okay.) The last voice message I left i asked him to please call me. but no word, no response. nothing. and yes, he is still alive according to his facebook page. I still have a large amount of his clothing and he has a set of keys to my place. BTW he is ten years younger than I am (he is 26 and I am 36). thank you so much for listening.
ScienceGal Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Hi, It seems that he is not ready to be with anyone yet and does not know how to say it. I would compose one heartfelt letter to him (hand write and mail it if that is an option). Let him know how much you care, but that since so much time has passed without hearning from him that you are going to move on. Be honest, but kind (no name calling or bitterness). This will start closure for you. And, with kindness it will leave the door open for him to contact you when he is ready (but don't be a doormat if he does... he'll have some explaining to do!) I really feel for you. Try to take care of yourself
Author letloverule Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Hey Science Gal- Thank you for the advice. Yes, I figured he wasn't ready, I just wish he would have communicated with me. I have learned a lot about myself in this place and for that i am grateful. I will write a letter, pack up his stuff and have a friend drop them off to him, that sounds like a good idea. I always try to come from a place of love and compassion - I can see that he is in pain and my heart goes out to him - it must suck to be in that place. I don't name call - as that seems counter-productive to why we are all here, but I understand when people get hurt they lash out - and i of course don't sit in judgement of them. in the end hurt people hurt people and that is a lesson I learned long ago. thank you for taking the time to read and reply - i am very grateful for your compassion - it means a lot in these times of pain.
shortee143 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 It is unfortunate things had to go down this way. As you said, you would have just appreciated a little communication. My past 2 exes became distant the last week or so of each relationship, and then I got dumped via phone, with little word of what was wrong, one of whom has never spoken to me since. I agree that packing his stuff and including a letter is a good thing. You can maturely say what you need. I must say, you are handling it very well and are very understanding of all this. You have the right of course to be angry, hurt, feel pain, etc. But props to you for being a "lady" about things. I too try to handle this crap in a mature manner, as hard as it can be.
BrighterDaze Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I can only guess that things were getting too close too fast for him. Another option is that he was rebounding with you. Either one is not comforting, I know. His sudden disinterest does not make sense to me and six weeks is a very long time to have NC with someone that you love. I say give him back this clothing and call to give a time to get your key, etc from him. Don't use this meet up as a time to become weak and question his behavior. Use it to get your stuff and then leave. In fact, take a gf with you and giggle it up while you exchange your stuff. Make mention that you are going to the beach or the mall or doing something fun, while you're at his place. No time for game playing. You are young and there are plenty of men waiting to meet you. They can't if you idle over Mr. Immaturity over there. Good luck.
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