Clubman35 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 So, in light of all the things that have happened between my wife and myself, many of you say to file for a divorce. If I did do that, and I'm not sure that I want to at this point, that would kinda' kill all chances of working things out with her. She has asked me not to file, because she wants to go to MC to try and save this. She still hasn't returned home, and says that she feels it would be a bad idea to do so until we can work some things out at counseling. I guess I kind of understand what she's saying, though I don't like it. Does this really make sense? I'm not so sure why so many of you would say to file. Maybe I'm blind or maybe I'm just stupid.
broken_hearted Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 You need to get into counseling immediately. Don't wait for the free session, if you have to pay out of pocket. If money is tight find a way to make it work. I don't think you need to go the divorce route yet, until you've both made an effort through counseling.
Owl Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 OK...you need to include the details provided in the other thread when you ask this question. I suggested you file for divorce because you made it clear in your other thread that you told your wife that she either agree to MC or you would file for divorce. Her response was to say ok...and then insist on going to an MC facility that won't be available for another couple of months. You made it plain that you felt that she blew off your boundary. Given that...then you should follow through with the consequence that you named when you informed her of the boundary. If you actually believe that your wife truly does want to reconcile and attend counseling...then INSIST on immediate changes on her part, to include on IMMEDIATELY starting counseling between the two of you, as well as the immediate change of whatever other behaviors she's engaged in that contributed to the current state of affairs. You got the recommendation to file for divorce based off of the information you provided. If she still insists on waiting months before she starts counseling or does anything to meet your requirements...I DO feel that you need to file. If that's her actions...her actions would clearly be stating she has no interest in actually reconciling.
coolheadal Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 She's holding to you but not what you think you want from this hold. MC is just someone that hears both sides of the story. Like a deal breaker to me. They take no sides in the matter. Don't depend on the outcome of that meeting. Have a backup plan B just in case plan A goes bust. Why is she still not home? What is she doing where she is? Sounds more like security then a love you want you type of relationship. Is that what you want out of life with her? Come on now! Wake up from this dream you think you have with her!
reboot Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 many of you say to file for a divorce Be very careful making life decisions based on the advice you receive here....
Owl Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Be very careful making life decisions based on the advice you receive here.... I think that kinda goes without saying... If you want PROFESSIONAL advice...seek professionals. I think someone else said it once...the advice you get on an internet forum is worth EXACTLY what you paid for it.
reboot Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I think that kinda goes without saying... If you want PROFESSIONAL advice...seek professionals. I think someone else said it once...the advice you get on an internet forum is worth EXACTLY what you paid for it. Not that there isn't good advice to be had here, but sometimes you have to hang around a long time to learn which posters are capable of giving it, and which aren't. And even armed with that knowledge, always with a grain of salt.....
Author Clubman35 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Thanks, All... The free counseling kinda fell through until September. It was through a University nearby.... Grad students have to take a given number of couples to counsel to obtain their degrees. After learning that they wouldn't be able to take us at this time, I informed my wife of this. She said that SHE would call our insurance company (Blue Cross Network) and see what, if any, would be covered. The free counseling was appealing as I have been laid off from my job back in March, and funds are tight. Now, having said all that, it is a good sigh that she offered to seek counseling, is it not? Wouldn't this indicate that it's something that she still wants to work on? I'm just looking for the opinions of others here. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest through the trees.
Owl Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Right now, it's just words. If she actually calls the insurance and sets up counseling...and then actually attends...and actively participates in the counseling...THAT you could consider as a good sign. Until then...it's just words.
reboot Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Exactly. Actions are what counts, words are just words.
Mz. Pixie Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Whatever it costs-even if money is tight-is worth it. It is cheaper than divorce. No doubt. Do not wait until free counseling is available and allow her to live as a single person until then. That would be a mistake in my opinion.
Crazy4what Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 its a bait, move on and dont look back. get the D asap.
Author Clubman35 Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 (edited) Sort of good news to report. I received a phone call last night from the counseling service at the University. The woman at the office said that she was concerned about my wife and I and offered to see us for the next 4 weeks until the semester ends. Normally, the sessions are 50 minutes, but she has offered to see us for 2 hours each session.... essentially equal to 8+ sessions. I talked to my wife about it, and she says that's fine, let's do it. So, I'm hoping for the best. I guess it can't hurt, right? Please wish us luck. Edited July 8, 2011 by Clubman35
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