Tony T Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter. "So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "None. I had a perfect marriage." "Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "Only twice, I think," says the second guy. "Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy. "Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford." Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Viper crying. "What's wrong?" "I just saw my wife." "So?" "She was riding a skateboard."
Art_Critic Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 "I just saw my wife." "So?" "She was riding a skateboard." "It could be worse, she could be walking"
What_Next Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 . Aren't cheaters supposed to go somewherere else a little warmer? HA.
StoneCold Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 . Aren't cheaters supposed to go somewherere else a little warmer? HA. Yeah... Tahiti
bentnotbroken Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 "I just saw my wife." "So?" "She was riding a skateboard." "It could be worse, she could be walking" Or have no legs at all. :lmao:
gpatb43 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Nothing is funny about infidelity. For probably the only time, I agree with Mr Harris
waytogo Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Or have no legs at all. :lmao: :laugh: There's a subject of many posts, that for a short time had that fate without explaining anything to St. Peter. Then it turned out, he had legs but couldn't control his love in person, so stays with the boring, candle needing W
quankanne Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 :laugh::laugh: good one, Tony! there's a joke about some guy going to hell and explaining to the devil what he did that was so bad, and was rewarded with an ugly gal on his arm. Guy's looking around to see who else was punished this way when he sees this gorgeous woman with an ugly dude. "Satan, why does HE get a hot chick?" the devil laughs and says, "Son, that's HER punishment ..."
waytogo Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Can I evade responsibility for this 1? to you bad influences? Eve told Adam, 'I'm sure you are having an A'. Adam said, Eve, you are the only woman on earth. Who could I be having an A with. Eve started counting Adam's ribs
Lil1 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 LOL! I got one: A wife was asleep on her bed when her husband, feeling horny like hell, nudges her and says to her "Honey let's get it on tonight". The wife says, "I have an appointment with a gynocologist tomorrow morning and you know I don't like having sex the night before". Husband still desperately horny says. "OK" and goes back to sleep trying to control himself. After a while he again nudges his wife and says, "I am sure you don't have a dental appointment tomorrow right?"
JaneyAmazed Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 For probably the only time, I agree with Mr Harris I'm not saying it's always funny, but our society seems to think so. Look at all the movies that treat infedelity as a joke or no big deal. Has anyone seen "Hall Pass?" Cheating is so common in movies and TV. It's so unrealistic too. People cheat and make up with their spouses overnight and before the movie ends everything is peachy!
Lexygirl Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 LOL! I got one: A wife was asleep on her bed when her husband, feeling horny like hell, nudges her and says to her "Honey let's get it on tonight". The wife says, "I have an appointment with a gynocologist tomorrow morning and you know I don't like having sex the night before". Husband still desperately horny says. "OK" and goes back to sleep trying to control himself. After a while he again nudges his wife and says, "I am sure you don't have a dental appointment tomorrow right?" LMAO !! Love it !!
johan Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 "I just saw my wife." "So?" "She was riding a skateboard." "It could be worse, she could be walking" It could be even worse. He could have spotted her in backseat of the Viper. Not sure if they actually have backseats. They are overrated anyway...
OldOnTheInside Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 It's so unrealistic too. People cheat and make up with their spouses overnight and before the movie ends everything is peachy! Well, they are works of fiction Janey. And 90% of it sucks. Fiction in general, doesn't handle most topics with tact, for a multitude of reasons. And the ones that handle serious topics well, are usually pretty unentertaining. Anyone here seen "The Wire"? One of the most realistic portrayals of crime and police life ever show on TV. Lots of sociological commentary. Thematically complex. The actual story is as uninspired as eff though. IMO. Anyway, back on topic...
Eddie Edirol Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Wow theres a couple Debbie Downers in here. Its not Tonys fault you ignored the red flags. Might as well ad fuel to the fire. A woman was cleaning her husband’s dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer. The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer? The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them. next time, look for the golf balls people!
whichwayisup Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Nothing is funny about infidelity. Lots of things in life aren't funny. Infidelity, death, abuse... But you know what? It's okay to make a light joke about it and laugh. Noone should take it personally as it wasn't directed at anybody, and everyone needs a break and doesn't need to be so politically correct all the time either.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Stating facts about infidelity has nothing to do with being "politically correct." It's just stating the truth. Sorry if you can't handle someone with a different view than your own. Dude.. you could lighten up some off the serious side. Life is better with a smile
whichwayisup Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 To you it is funny. Not fall down laughing with tears rolling down my face. Lighten up, man. A moment in passing, no big deal. Neither should you take it personal that some joke about different things I don't take it personally that some joke about different things. I have a sense of humour and don't get offended that easily.. If one needs a break then take a break. Nobody is stopping them. Agreed.. Stating facts about infidelity has nothing to do with being "politically correct." It's just stating the truth. Sorry if you can't handle someone with a different view than your own. Did I state anything fact about infidelity? No. I didn't. I have no problems with anybody sharing their thoughts and their point of view, I have my opinion and you have yours.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase. "Oh my god!" she screamed, "Bernie Schwartz is dead!"
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Not fall down laughing with tears rolling down my face. Lighten up, man. A moment in passing, no big deal. I don't take it personally that some joke about different things. I have a sense of humour and don't get offended that easily.. Agreed.. Did I state anything fact about infidelity? No. I didn't. I have no problems with anybody sharing their thoughts and their point of view, I have my opinion and you have yours. Okay so if one has an opinion, then one has a right to state it and yours is no higher. People find different things funny from others. No need to take it personal if one persone is different than you.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Are you literally arguing over a funny joke ? hahahaha Some people are wound a bit too tight.. Nobody on this thread was saying that infidelity wasn't serious.. but sometimes laughing at life and what it presents is in itself a good thing. I grew up in a cheating household of a serial cheating father and I have a zero tolerance for cheating.. but I found Tony's joke really funny... It might do some people some good to smile and chuckle on occasion.
carhill Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen! Ah, now I know why Jeanette Morrison loved his happenis so much, in spite of its often wandering nature
whichwayisup Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Okay so if one has an opinion, then one has a right to state it and yours is no higher. People find different things funny from others. No need to take it personal if one persone is different than you. You're taking my words and twisting them. Holy cow.. Where did I say that mine is higher? I never took anything personally so please stop telling me I did.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Are you literally arguing over a funny joke ? hahahaha Some people are wound a bit too tight.. Nobody on this thread was saying that infidelity wasn't serious.. but sometimes laughing at life and what it presents is in itself a good thing. I grew up in a cheating household of a serial cheating father and I have a zero tolerance for cheating.. but I found Tony's joke really funny... It might do some people some good to smile and chuckle on occasion. People have different preferences.
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 You're taking my words and twisting them. Holy cow.. Where did I say that mine is higher? I never took anything personally so please stop telling me I did. Nobody twisted your words. They are as they were presented.
Recommended Posts