Looking for a Reaction/Attention ???

[BrokenFool]

Hi All

quick question which has really been troubling me, thought maybe somebody could help

long story short ,

3 year on / off LDR

broke up with me in January , now on week 14 NC

in this time I have had

private number calls - 7 in one morning - didnt react

Her changing her facebook pictures to try show me she has a new baby nephew - didnt react

Anonymous profiles checking out my linkedin page - 10 in one week - didnt react

her checking my myspace blog and checking to see when i have logged on to whatsapp - havent reacted although she might not know I know this

and now this last week

she has deleted her facebook profile - in the 3 years we were together she LOVES facebook all her mates on their everything she would never ever come of it

Now i know a lot of you will say

forget her move on

dont let it bother you

stay with NC - which I am going to do

 

but any of you please please if you have a opinion share it, she knows me inside out , despite her blocking me on facebook she knows i would just search for her using my nephews or nieces or brothers account so she knows i would have been looking

what message is she trying to get across to me by deleting her facebook account ?????

please guys this is driving me mental ( probably the reaction she wants ) but what reasons do you think would make her do this

[BrokenFool]

Can anybody shed some light on this ?

[O_O]

I think you're reading quite a lot into not much. This all took place over a 3.5 month period, right? Maybe she's going through a rough patch herself that has made her not want to socialize online. Maybe she's curious about your life. Maybe she even misses you. Not enough to contact you directly, though, which is about all that should matter to you.

[BrokenFool]

Well that didnt last long - 5 days later and boom shes back on facebook

dont get what shes up to

still checking my blog though every 2 hours , first thing in the morning , last thing at night, roughly 8 times a day

could it be she is scared to contact me, scared to go back to that old relationship which wasnt working for her

stubborn ? wanting me to make the first move

my friend said - your getting a bit of power back now dont you dare make a move and contact her

would love some advise

i know im looking into it a lot but i know this girl shes up to something

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Well that didnt last long - 5 days later and boom shes back on facebook

dont get what shes up to

still checking my blog though every 2 hours , first thing in the morning , last thing at night, roughly 8 times a day

could it be she is scared to contact me, scared to go back to that old relationship which wasnt working for her

stubborn ? wanting me to make the first move

my friend said - your getting a bit of power back now dont you dare make a move and contact her

would love some advise

i know im looking into it a lot but i know this girl shes up to something

 

 

listen to your friend and don't do anything about it. I believe the saying goes something like "he/she who cares the least, has the most power of the relationship". so don't go running back like a little puppy, if she wants you back then she will contact you and say it. I assume she dumped you, She should be the one winning your heart.

 

Try to stop looking into every action of hers as well, you are definitely over analysing everything here and the only thing you should be analysing is yourself.

[BrokenFool]

HeartofaPhoenix - Thanks for your reply

your right in every sense of what you say, but its so so hard

The fact the relationship ended Im not the one for her i can understand thats life and no matter how much it hurts you have to accept it and move on

but the reasons why she KEPT ending the relationship every 6 weeks or so for THREE YEARS, the fact i tolerated all this , the way she treated me at the end it all burdens my heart every waking moment of my life

i KNOW this girl

she is too stubborn/scaredy cat to contact me first because not only can she not handle conflict, but she is a poor communicator and she knows she treated me rotten when all i was asking for was one conversation

even if she does ring me what could she would she say to me ? she probably doesnt even know herself

so shes trying to get me to react to her - I KNOW this girls games now

giving me private number calls didnt work

changing her facebook picture didnt work

checking my linkedin profile 10 times anonymously knowing i would know its her didnt work

shes checking my whatsapp and blog every single day

and now she thought lets delete my facebook profile see if that makes him contact me

in my mind i know i dont want her back, she always used to call me her little puppy because i was needy, now this puppy has turned into a rotweiler, i suppose i want the comfort of her contacting me and me being able to at least tell my heart you werent as bad as she made you out to be

shes very impatient as well and sure of herself, she would have thought i will delete my facebook see if he reacts little did she know i was on a boys holiday in barcelona and only realised when i got back, by then she thought this hasnt worked lets go back on

my heart yearns for her just to speak to her again one more time

i dont know what to do

maybe i have this all wrong

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

If she is checking all of your profiles like you say she is then just give it time, sounds like she still cares for you deeply if she takes the time out of her day to check your profiles. Stay with NC, if you go back to her you could be thinking things like "does she really love me?", "Would she have come back on her own?", or similar thoughts because you were the one to go back to her.

 

 

If she truly does love you she will come back, no matter what the obstacles are.

[BrokenFool]

Little Update

After getting so frustrated with things i did the following

 

I owed my ex some money and had written her a cheque, I was going to post it from my home town but as my new job involves me working and staying nights in hotels in her home town i DELIBERATELY posted it to her from a post office in her town so she would see the stamp mark on the envelope and know I was in her home town

Secondly

Her friend has this little patisserie, so I popped in suited and booted ( after working that area) her friend recognised me , we chatted , she introduced me to her husband, I made conversation , dropped some info into the conversation like i was working in the area, im there quite often, thought id pop in and say hello

Now dont get me wrong I DONT EXPECT this to get a reaction out of my ex, this is someone who left me via text in a flash and I havent heard a peep out of her apart from anonymous stuff private number calls, changing her facebook profile pics to stuff she KNOWS i have commented on before, checking out my blog every day ( even though she may not know that I have cottoned on to this)

what will she be thinking ? anger that I went to her friends shop ? or shocked that I didnt mention her or ask about her

 

I want to message her

" hey did you get the cheque I sent you, congratulations on your baby niece by the way" but im so scared she either wont reply or will just write back

"yes, thanks" thats it

i dont wanna break 15 weeks NC for this

I still love her, I am ashamed to admit it but I do

I would give anything to speak to her again

Please advise - I am in her home town every week for the next 6 weeks

what should be my next strategy apart from NC

just sit back be patient and wait ?

[BrokenFool]

Anybody Please

did i mess up

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Don't contact her, that defeats the purpose of NC all together. You didn't mess up by talking to her friend, just make sure you don't bring up your ex in the conversations. If she wants you back she will contact you, and if it was one of her good friends I'm sure word of you will get around to her. You did fine, just be patient and heal.

[BrokenFool]

HeartOfAPhoenix - thanks for your replies, your words mean so much to me, even though i am doing NC i know I am breaking it by seeing if shes checked my blog etc and checking her facebook profile pic ( which i know i shouldnt do) but i just cant let go yet

i dont know why but i still feel in my heart there is something there on both sides

i have decided i cant wait around forever whilst life passes me by

i cant make the first move

she has another month or so to make a concrete move instead of these wishy washy actions and if she doesnt i guess i have to face reality and move on no matter how much i dont want to

thanks for all your advice and replies guys - i would have had a nervous break up if it wasnt for you guys

ps: in our religion last night was a holy night meant for forgiveness and let bygones be bygones etc, after popping into her friends shop she would have known i will be looking at her facebook ( firstly cos she knows me so well and secondly because she probably does the same and has admitted to it in the past) so last night she changed her facebook profile pic again to a new nice pic of her and was checking my blog every 2 hours from 8am to midnight - did she change the pic to get a reaction out of me ???

any replies appreciated

[bdoggle]

Sounds like we have been with the same person

[BrokenFool]

What would you suggest I do

I feel in my heart of hearts she wants to open up the lines of communication between us again but is scared to do so and possibly doesnt know how to do so

but at the same time I have finally showed her I have a pair and am now on week 16 NC , not even a peep out of me she has heard

i have not heard from her apart from the odd private number phone call, 7 in one day, 2 a few weeks back, changing her facebook profile pics, anonymous profiles checking out my linked in profile and her checking whatsapp and my blog every 2 hours despite me not using it since 25th June

What do i do ?

a friend of mine said this is her remorse kicking in now, because no matter what she does , what she says she knows in her heart she treated you rotten and its eating her up inside

what would you suggest I do

[livy07]

what would you suggest I do

 

Nothing. She has your phone # right? If she wanted to talk to you, she'd call you.

[Graceful]

Hola Broken,

 

Sounds like your relationship with your ex has never been on a very firm foundation. Is this right?

 

long story short ,

3 year on / off LDR broke up with me in January , now on week 14 NC

It was a LDR, and it was on / off for three years. So how much longer do you want to be on a merry go round with someone who has been jerking you around? Huh? I mean, has this really been a fun, rewarding, fulfilling, secure, committed, long-term oriented relationship or not? How much longer did you intend to keep the relationship a LDR? Who can go on like that and build a close relationship? No one. You can't even know someone until you live near them and see them in a day to day living arrangement so the reality sets in, you know what I mean?

 

Because otherwise, why not start seeing it for what it is, was, and ever will be? Why not begin to just face seeing your ex for who and what she is, and get it over with?

 

The relationship was just a stop along the way for you. Opened your eyes to love and romance. Just a chapter in your life. Chapter is over. Time to finish it and start a new one.

 

That's it. This girl, your ex, doesn't have any character at all. Who cares if this is hard for her? She broke up with you. Make bed -- lie in it. If she wants to get hold of you, she knows how. Time for her to grow up.

 

She's been put to a test. Guess what? FAIL. FAIL. FLUNKED. Yep, she flunked on all levels.

 

SO is that the type of girl you want?

 

in this time I have had

private number calls - 7 in one morning - didnt react

Her changing her facebook pictures to try show me she has a new baby nephew - didnt react

Anonymous profiles checking out my linkedin page - 10 in one week - didnt react

her checking my myspace blog and checking to see when i have logged on to whatsapp - havent reacted although she might not know I know this

and now this last week

she has deleted her facebook profile - in the 3 years we were together she LOVES facebook all her mates on their everything she would never ever come of it

Know what? I love the way you have handled everything. Ignoring is a beautiful skill, and you've been very good at it.

 

Sending the check, well, that's okay. BUT no, no, no. No checking back to see if she got it. It's up to HER to tell you and thank you. DO NOT get in touch with her for ANY reason.

 

She does not have any remorse, believe me. This is all ego. If she were remorseful, and felt badly, and STILL did not contact you to fully apologize, then it's not remorse. It's ego. She thinks she can get to you. She's shocked you're ignoring her. She's shocked this is "for real" on your part. You said the r/l was "on and off" -- so she just figured this would be no different.

 

Sounds like she did you a colossal favor to break up with you, no matter how much it hurts. Now you get to go NC and take all the credit for taking the ball and running with it.

 

I mean, who needs a heartless, spineless, immature, stubborn, rotten, rude, mean-spirited, ego-centric, poorly communicative twit for a friend, GF, or any other purpose?

 

Send her down a chute and close the door. She's history.

 

You, on the other hand, sound just like the kind of guy many girls would just love to meet. So get over this one, take your time, and then give the rest of us a chance to win your heart, okay? It's not fair of you to hold yourself back for a girl who doesn't appreciate you, when so many of us will.

Got it?

[livy07]

Excellent post, Grateful!! Very helpful info, for me as well as the OP. Two thumbs up.

[BrokenFool]

Hola Broken,

 

Sounds like your relationship with your ex has never been on a very firm foundation. Is this right? - Yes even from the start within a few weeks the dumpings started, at that point she would do silly things like sending me a text telling me she was in my neighbouring town with work was hungry and didnt know where to get food from, could i help ? even now looking back she could have used google on her phone, ask the reception staff at the hotel she was staying but no it was just an attempt to get us talking again, another time she insisted i go to a spa near my home as a treat as i sounded stressed out from revising for my exams, her treat she said, so i went and then she had a go at me for wasting money and sitting in a spa to please my nephews

 

 

It was a LDR, and it was on / off for three years. So how much longer do you want to be on a merry go round with someone who has been jerking you around? Huh? I mean, has this really been a fun, rewarding, fulfilling, secure, committed, long-term oriented relationship or not? How much longer did you intend to keep the relationship a LDR? Who can go on like that and build a close relationship? No one. You can't even know someone until you live near them and see them in a day to day living arrangement so the reality sets in, you know what I mean? - The plan was we would get to know each other for a short while and then if we worked get engaged and decide who would move where, this never happened as i kept on getting dumped

 

Because otherwise, why not start seeing it for what it is, was, and ever will be? Why not begin to just face seeing your ex for who and what she is, and get it over with? - I do see her for who she is Graceful trust me I know she was still in love with her ex when she got with me, she wasnt emotionally healed and thats why nothing i ever did or said was good enough for her , I still cant let go

 

The relationship was just a stop along the way for you. Opened your eyes to love and romance. Just a chapter in your life. Chapter is over. Time to finish it and start a new one. - Im tired Grace, I had 3 four year relationships before her and they were all fullfilling, loving, caring relationships with ex's whom if i wanted to could get back with them even to this day and they still talk to me , I dont want to start again with somebody new, go through that whole process of getting to know somone again, im mentally and emotionally drained

 

That's it. This girl, your ex, doesn't have any character at all. Who cares if this is hard for her? She broke up with you. Make bed -- lie in it. If she wants to get hold of you, she knows how. Time for her to grow up. - She is emotionaly immature and I keep thinking/hoping this time away will make her grow up and see what she had and how suuited we were, her only/biggest argument with me is i dont trust her and mistrust her otherwise i was 90% (her words) perfect for her, shes never gonna get 100% in anybody so is it not worth staying with me longer than 6 weeks and the trust will come, but she cant see that

 

She's been put to a test. Guess what? FAIL. FAIL. FLUNKED. Yep, she flunked on all levels.

 

SO is that the type of girl you want? - No it isnt but I keep hoping she will change

 

Know what? I love the way you have handled everything. Ignoring is a beautiful skill, and you've been very good at it. - I havent ignored her, the last time she was so so horrible to me and told me she had somebody else, i wished her well in her new relationship, told her i would never be the guy in the background in her new relationship just like her ex was in our relationship and said I would never do anything to interfere in her life and new relationship ( if their was one because I believe she said this to stop me from contacting her) and i wanted to honour that , plus to be honest i was scared of what i would hear if i was to contact her again or how i would come across to her, however I am really proud of myself that things that would have got to me before ie private number calls, her changing her facebook picture etc would have led me to break and contact her and i havent done that this time, also because im not 100% sure what i am thinking is factual or just my biased heart looking at things with rose tinted glases

 

Sending the check, well, that's okay. BUT no, no, no. No checking back to see if she got it. It's up to HER to tell you and thank you. DO NOT get in touch with her for ANY reason.

 

She does not have any remorse, believe me. This is all ego. If she were remorseful, and felt badly, and STILL did not contact you to fully apologize, then it's not remorse. It's ego. She thinks she can get to you. She's shocked you're ignoring her. She's shocked this is "for real" on your part. You said the r/l was "on and off" -- so she just figured this would be no different. - Absolutely ,because i really really thought we were suited and wanted this to work i took so much from her and was 90% of the time the only one who would make the effort to try fix things betweem us, contact her, apologise for something i hadnt done just to make things better, i do agree with you grace that she is baffled as to how strong i have become and the fact she tried making things obvious ie 7 private number calls beofre 10am, minutes apart clearly wanting me to think its her but yet i didnt respond, she will be thinking wow hes finally let go and the fact she is logging onto whatsapp every 2 hours for a minute every time i think is an indication of how much i am on her mind but she wont make the first move because she is too stubborn and still would view me as being in the wrong, but my friend said keep doing what you are doing she will break soon

 

Sounds like she did you a colossal favor to break up with you, no matter how much it hurts. Now you get to go NC and take all the credit for taking the ball and running with it. - I didnt have a choice Graceful i had rang and rang lowered my demands so to speak so much asking if we could just be friends, even if we just talked once a month via text she ignored and ignored and ignored and then got some guy to pick up the phone and pretend to be the owner of the phone

 

I mean, who needs a heartless, spineless, immature, stubborn, rotten, rude, mean-spirited, ego-centric, poorly communicative twit for a friend, GF, or any other purpose? - this is the bit which passes my heart , registers with my brain but not my heart

 

Send her down a chute and close the door. She's history.

 

You, on the other hand, sound just like the kind of guy many girls would just love to meet. So get over this one, take your time, and then give the rest of us a chance to win your heart, okay? It's not fair of you to hold yourself back for a girl who doesn't appreciate you, when so many of us will.

 

Your words melt my heart and bring a tear to my eye, let me give you one example

2 years into our relationship she dumped me before my birthday, now on my 30th birthday she had bought me a small smartie cake from a supermarket £3, a top and a stadium tour of my favourite football club so for her 30th i wanted to do something back

so for 2 weeks i begged to see her on her birthday , finally she relented and said ok i will see you for 30 mins

so i started ordering what i was going to get her

i got her a cake made in the shape of a designer handbag with a champagne bottle in the middle of the cake, a designer bag and matching purse, perfume, a REAL rose with happy 30th birthday laser engraved onto the petal, etc

i got special wrapping paper made wth our picture on it and the night before her birthday - WHICH IS MY BIRTHDAY - i drove up the 300 miles to her hometown, checked into a hotel and spent two hours blowing up 100s of balloons and sticking them and banners all over the room, she came the next morning, i lit her candles sang happy birthday to her she opened some of her presents and had sex with me then went after 30 mins - I DIDNT EVEN GET A BIRTHDAY CARD despite the fact she knew for 2 weeks i was coming to see her , 2 days later she rang me up and said ive been thinking we should get back together ive been too hasty etc, i said dont say that if you dont mean it or because i did something nice for your birthday, i did what i did from my heart i didnt have any ulterior motive, plus only say it if you mean it because everytime you come back and leave again it hurts, no she said i mean it , great i thought

2 days later i mention to her my mums a bit annoyed i lied about where i was going the night of my birthday , i had told my mum i was off to london for a work meeting but my niece had told her i had gone to see my ex, and low and behold DUMPED,

phone put down on me , i dont want to be with someone who tries to make me feel guilty - i texted back babe honest i wasnt trying to do anything of the kind, why would i make you feel guilty ? what would it have achieved ? i had got you back so it wouldnt serve any purpose, she ignored 100s of my calls and texts and then said ok then i wont leave you, and i think a few weeks later i was dumped again for saying something on the phone she didnt like

i KNOW FOR A FACT if i had done this for any other girl she would have felt like a angel but with her it counted for nothing

also months later yet again she tried playing the i was with her for materialistic reasons rather than the fact i loved her card again

and 3 months later in a shopping centre she said why dont i buy you that suit you were looking at , call it a late birthday present , i said no thanks it wouldnt feel right as its not my birthday anymore - got DUMPED again

the birthday the year later i thought you know what she will make extra effort this year because of what i did last year

youd think that wouldnt you

so this is what happened

she had added this guy onto facebook who was clearly trying to get into her knickers, i had called him ugly and she dumped me the night before my birthday, didnt speak to me all birthday , i rang her on her birthday the day after and she picked up and spoke to me , we met the next day and she had bought me 2 tubs of gel

when i mentioned i thought she would have made more effort this year she made me out to be materialsitic again and said i was only disappointed because i hadnt got an ipad for my birthday

thats what i took and put up with and she thinks she can do better than a guy who drives a 600 mile round journey checks into a hotel and spends over a grand just to see her for 30 mins doesnt even get a birthday card back and says nothing and doesnt treat her bad, change how he is with her or make any less effort

i cant trust anymore

im broken inside

sorry for the long post

 

 

 

 

Got it?

 

I wish somebody could tell me what to do, what to say

im not saying i want her back but i want her to unpaint the nasty picture she has painted of me because even my own heart despite knowing the truth is seeing in me in that light and telling me im not worthy of anybody

if she would have come up to me face to face told me what was troubling her borken up for a REAL reason and then stayed in touch a bit as we transition to either friends or less i would have had more respect for her

she told me to get lost, stop being a stalker, move on etc and ignored me and it really really hurts

[bdoggle]

Hola Broken,

 

Sounds like your relationship with your ex has never been on a very firm foundation. Is this right?

 

 

It was a LDR, and it was on / off for three years. So how much longer do you want to be on a merry go round with someone who has been jerking you around? Huh? I mean, has this really been a fun, rewarding, fulfilling, secure, committed, long-term oriented relationship or not? How much longer did you intend to keep the relationship a LDR? Who can go on like that and build a close relationship? No one. You can't even know someone until you live near them and see them in a day to day living arrangement so the reality sets in, you know what I mean?

 

Because otherwise, why not start seeing it for what it is, was, and ever will be? Why not begin to just face seeing your ex for who and what she is, and get it over with?

 

The relationship was just a stop along the way for you. Opened your eyes to love and romance. Just a chapter in your life. Chapter is over. Time to finish it and start a new one.

 

That's it. This girl, your ex, doesn't have any character at all. Who cares if this is hard for her? She broke up with you. Make bed -- lie in it. If she wants to get hold of you, she knows how. Time for her to grow up.

 

She's been put to a test. Guess what? FAIL. FAIL. FLUNKED. Yep, she flunked on all levels.

 

SO is that the type of girl you want?

 

Know what? I love the way you have handled everything. Ignoring is a beautiful skill, and you've been very good at it.

 

Sending the check, well, that's okay. BUT no, no, no. No checking back to see if she got it. It's up to HER to tell you and thank you. DO NOT get in touch with her for ANY reason.

 

She does not have any remorse, believe me. This is all ego. If she were remorseful, and felt badly, and STILL did not contact you to fully apologize, then it's not remorse. It's ego. She thinks she can get to you. She's shocked you're ignoring her. She's shocked this is "for real" on your part. You said the r/l was "on and off" -- so she just figured this would be no different.

 

Sounds like she did you a colossal favor to break up with you, no matter how much it hurts. Now you get to go NC and take all the credit for taking the ball and running with it.

 

I mean, who needs a heartless, spineless, immature, stubborn, rotten, rude, mean-spirited, ego-centric, poorly communicative twit for a friend, GF, or any other purpose?

 

Send her down a chute and close the door. She's history.

 

You, on the other hand, sound just like the kind of guy many girls would just love to meet. So get over this one, take your time, and then give the rest of us a chance to win your heart, okay? It's not fair of you to hold yourself back for a girl who doesn't appreciate you, when so many of us will.

Got it?

 

I had the same gf as Broken. Dumped me by txt msg after I gave her a huge amount of money to help her get going following her divorce. She divorced for what I thought was for me. I thought I knew her well until she admitted to a relationship with her new next door neighbor and hid me from him. I work hard with N/C but she send me txt messages telling me how sorry she is and how I'm the love of her life, yet will not respond to me when I try to talk to find our what happened. Not having closure is very hard especially when you are probably the better person and you were the one dumped. For me, it is hard to ignore those txt messages. I'm sure she is just trying to play a game to see if I'm still there pining don't you think?

[Graceful]

I have read your post in entirety, and it is a sad tale that has caused me to feel very sad for you. Please listen to me, okay.

 

Listen here, now.

 

This woman has done such a number on you, your confidence, your ego, your trust, has taken such advantage of you, has not appreciated you, has you tied up in knots, and has taken your heart and used it for her own selfish needs. This is not love, does not resemble love, does not resemble good communication, does not resemble healthy boundaries, does not resemble anything even close to a working, appreciative, loving, trusting, reciprocated truthful, committed relationship.

 

This is all smoke and mirrors. There is nothing here but your broken heart and dreams. Extricate yourself from this situation. Get on your own path for figuring out what type of person you need and what type of person can fulfill you. You've had good relationships in the past, you know you are capable of having one again.

 

You've admitted, just as I suspected, that you have been jerked around for the better part of 3 years. It's not as though it was EVER good, it has been fraught with issues and problems since the beginning. It's not even as though it fell apart, it was NEVER together. You need to see that, face it, and believe that you have been run over countless times, and you are run down, flat out, broken, just like your screen name.

 

The plan was we would get to know each other for a short while and then if we worked get engaged and decide who would move where, this never happened as i kept on getting dumped

 

I do see her for who she is Graceful trust me I know she was still in love with her ex when she got with me, she wasnt emotionally healed and thats why nothing i ever did or said was good enough for her , I still cant let go

 

Well, you have to stay the course and try harder to let go, until you have let go. You can't let go because you are so tied up in knots trying to win this woman over, when she is not someone to bother with, not someone to love, and certainly not someone to waste your time, energy and emotion on. She has stressed you out so badly, it's become a way of life for you.

 

You already know this is not the way healthy relationships work. You do know that, I know you do.

 

Im tired Grace, I had 3 four year relationships before her and they were all fullfilling, loving, caring relationships with ex's whom if i wanted to could get back with them even to this day and they still talk to me , I dont want to start again with somebody new, go through that whole process of getting to know somone again, im mentally and emotionally drained

Of course you're exhausted to the point you are. This woman has taken all of your spirit and destroyed it. And you're never going to get better trying to fix this, you already know that, too.

 

the night before her birthday - WHICH IS MY BIRTHDAY - i drove up the 300 miles to her hometown, checked into a hotel and spent two hours blowing up 100s of balloons and sticking them and banners all over the room, she came the next morning, i lit her candles sang happy birthday to her she opened some of her presents and had sex with me then went after 30 mins - I DIDNT EVEN GET A BIRTHDAY CARD despite the fact she knew for 2 weeks i was coming to see her

Seriously, this is very hard to read and hard to know you endured. Let me tell you, no one who cared about you would do this to you, would be so cold, callous and cruel. I would have punched that bitch right where it hurts if I had been there and run her right out of the hotel, throwing a broomstick at her to tell her to ride off on it as she is like a cruel witch who should be banished from your life.

 

You should not feel the need to knock yourself out for an ungrateful, shallow, cruel, heartless excuse of a fake human being, do you hear me?

 

NEVER do that again for someone who has treated you this way, NEVER. You should not be spending a thousand dollars, giving gifts, driving yourself into debt and insanity to have someone who turns on you. I wouldn't even consider someone I LOVE allowing that, I don't need it, no one does. Someone you love just wants to be with you, no designer garbage, no designer anything!! Yeesh, the purse I use I got for 60 bucks in Banana Republic, and I love the darn thing!!

 

i cant trust anymore im broken inside I wish somebody could tell me what to do, what to say

im not saying i want her back but i want her to unpaint the nasty picture she has painted of me because even my own heart despite knowing the truth is seeing in me in that light and telling me im not worthy of anybody

Listen here. You need to get into counselling, okay? This is the aftermath of treatment where you are a victim of emotional abuse. She has taken all of the faith you ever had in yourself and robbed you of it like a thief.

 

if she would have come up to me face to face told me what was troubling her borken up for a REAL reason and then stayed in touch a bit as we transition to either friends or less i would have had more respect for her

she told me to get lost, stop being a stalker, move on etc and ignored me and it really really hurts

You have to take what this woman says to you with a grain of salt. She's a heartless, cruel, selfish nutter. Are you really going to take what she has to say to heart. Please do not.

 

Pull yourself together, stay the course, stay NC, get into counselling and don't ever turn back.

 

Do not speak to her ever again. I mean this literally. CUT HER LOOSE, STAT.

 

This woman belongs in a padded cell. Of course I am on your side, but I'm quite serious when I say she is more than bad news, pick yourself up and stay away from her and never turn back. You have nothing to clear your name from, no matter who she comes in contact with, she will summarily destroy. You're no longer her punching bag. So sorry, darling. You deserve so much better than this, but please get some help so you can avoid this ever happening again. Take care.

[Graceful]

I had the same gf as Broken. Dumped me by txt msg after I gave her a huge amount of money to help her get going following her divorce. She divorced for what I thought was for me. I thought I knew her well until she admitted to a relationship with her new next door neighbor and hid me from him. I work hard with N/C but she send me txt messages telling me how sorry she is and how I'm the love of her life, yet will not respond to me when I try to talk to find our what happened.

 

There is only one person who is the love of her life: HERSELF. Everything else is utter nonsense and crap. She is not sorry that she hurt you or lost you, she is sorry that you are not on the back burner in case she needs an ego boost. That's the only thing she's sorry about, believe me.

 

Not having closure is very hard especially when you are probably the better person and you were the one dumped. For me, it is hard to ignore those txt messages. I'm sure she is just trying to play a game to see if I'm still there pining don't you think?

 

You do have your closure. Calls you one minute, ignores you the next. Lied to you, took advantage of you, cheated on you, jerked you around, tries to still jerk you around ... you don't call that closure?

 

Make her a history lesson, the sooner the better. She's a user.

 

An utter idiotic, manipulative, selfish, screwed up, come here, go away, no come back , no go away barracuda. And for the love of God, don't give her another penny. Now are you going to listen or go another round?

 

Done and done.

[bdoggle]

There is only one person who is the love of her life: HERSELF. Everything else is utter nonsense and crap. She is not sorry that she hurt you or lost you, she is sorry that you are not on the back burner in case she needs an ego boost. That's the only thing she's sorry about, believe me.

 

Not having closure is very hard especially when you are probably the better person and you were the one dumped. For me, it is hard to ignore those txt messages. I'm sure she is just trying to play a game to see if I'm still there pining don't you think?

 

You do have your closure. Calls you one minute, ignores you the next. Lied to you, took advantage of you, cheated on you, jerked you around, tries to still jerk you around ... you don't call that closure?

 

Make her a history lesson, the sooner the better. She's a user.

 

An utter idiotic, manipulative, selfish, screwed up, come here, go away, no come back , no go away barracuda. And for the love of God, don't give her another penny. Now are you going to listen or go another round?

 

Done and done.

Graceful,

I certainly agree with your wisdom here, but I guess my problem with my ex is that I was trying to save her and show her better. I thought I had everything she could ever want and need. She did describe a troubled childhood and I was much better than where she came from and who she was with and divorced. When she dumped me she said she was in so much pain...WTF? I got the pain! Her txt messages tell me about love for me, and how she is terrified and crying...but won't respond to me. Crazy making behavior. I know I'm better off without and can easily be ok with the loss of money I gave her. The need to know is just like torture though....I know...it doesn't matter.

BTW I've enjoyed reading your responses...so what's your story?

[BrokenFool]

Graceful - Thank you so much for reading my post and your wisdom, I know deep down in my heart I wasnt the problem, I know that she will get it back in her next relationship and believe me when I say their was a time when she had me so wrapped round her finger i couldnt go one day without messaging her and now here i am not only on week 16 NC but she hasnt heard a peep out of me , not even a solitary private number call on her phone, and to add to this i have resisted her games where she would normally get a reaction out of me ie private number calls, changing her facebook picture etc

and your right it is for once getting to her because her ego is wondering where the hell this little puppy has gone to the point where a few weeks ago she deleted her facebook profile for 5 days , either out of frustration of not getting a reaction out of me or because she wanted to see if that would get a reaction out of me

your words mean so so much to me and i thank you from the bottom of my heart, i do believe at some point i will get some contact from her and at that point i will read these words and stay strong, my friend said view it like this

you lost 3 years of your life with her at least you didnt get married to her and lose all your life - and your sanity

even with the money i owed her i could have made her chase me for it or not give it back but im not that kind of person hence the posting of the cheque back to her

im not a weak person graceful far from it , since the age of 14 working in grubby takeaways 12 hour shifts for £10 a night because my father had passed away and we had a mortgage to pay i have been quite independent worked and got myself through university and driving tests learnt how to cook travelled and did some charity work etc and even whilst going out with my ex and getting dumped before every single exam by her i still managed to keep my cool and get my mba so she didnt break me , but i still kept trying, to be her saviour, her rock and fix our problems but you cant clap with one hand , if effort is only one sided no relationship can work ever with anybody and if i am really honest with myself i only have myself to blame , i knew on many many occasions something was wrong, i knew how i was getting treated was wrong and i wasnt being appreciated yet i still stayed and gave her the green light to walk all over me and clean her shoes on me ,

now she checks my whatsapp which i have deleted - hasnt put her off though shes still logging on every 2 hours hoping i will have logged on

i can bet she is looking at my facebook profile pic and the anonymous profiles looking at my linkedin is probably her - do i leave these two as they are or delete them aswell ???

The thing that makes me proud is she would have thought she knows me 1000% and i will probably do this and do that yet my behaviour in these 16 weeks where i have learnt an awful lot and got so much support from angels like you on here have made me stronger and made me see the problems didnt necesarrily lie with me , i might have contributed but the issues were from her side and i cant fix them no matter what i do, she will be curious now as to why i havent either broken and contacted her and shes tried giving me opportunities, ie putting up a pic on facebook of her new baby niece knowing that the old broken would have contacted her and said hey congratulations, and one part of me thinks she simply does not give two hoots about me

if we had been in a 3 year loving caring relationship THEN broken up i would have been shocked as to where her feelings were but because i was in a 3 year on/off every 6 weeks relationship i dont think she really valued me at all and hence why she probably doesnt spare me a second thought, then i ask myself if she didnt give two hoots about me why would she stay 3 years ? granted the majority of the time it was me contacting her begging to make up but she still could have said no, shed say yes and we would be back together again - for a asian girl approaching her 30s wanting to get married she wouldnt waste 3 years of her life with me if i didnt mean something to her?

bdoggle - your story is a bit more simple in my eyes she was coming out of a divorce and used you as a landing pad and support mechanism and the fact you were willing to provide her with funds was an added bonus , shes living her life with the neighbour and keeping you on the backburner just in case her new thing doesnt work out you will be there to catch her when she falls again

one thing ive learnt on here and read numerous times that i would say to you my friend

words are just words - if your loved ones actions say something different to their words then walk away my friend

but just like you i know how damn hard it is when all you wanna do is sit down explain

look babe these are the problems this is how we can fix them i will commit to this you commit to this and we are sorted happily ever after - yes in our hearts and our eyes it really is that simple

we know IF they tried the same as us we could have a very nice life together but they cant see that and no matter what you do you cant make someone see what a mistake they are making - they have to learn for themselves sometimes the hard way

stay strong, whatever religion or beliefs you have , keep faith that as long as your heart and intentions towards your loved one was clean god will not let you lose

dont see it as why did god take her away from me why is he punishing me see it as god took her away from you because he knows you deserve better

graceful thank you so much for your support

[bdoggle]

Broken

I so admire your strength in having 16 wks N/C. I hope it continues until you get completely over it or get a satisfactory in person apology and expression of remorse where she owns the sh*t she has done to you. What I hope you learn as I do is that as you continue to through life, no one can control your emotions and you cannot control theirs. My story is far from simple but just as painful. I am older than you and lost so much more when the relationship failed. I worked with this person everyday. Didn't like her at first, but eventually was taken by her after several years of a close working relationship. Thought I knew her well and she knew me as well. I am a well respected professional in my community and make a substantial income. Was in a relationship which at the time I thought was not satisfying which initiated my exploration of a relationship with her. She got divorced for what I though was to be with me. She and her ex struggled financially. The neighbor she took up with is nothing special and quite a bit older too. So it just didn't make sense to me. I wonder if you get text messages from you ex gf? I do and they are so puzzling. Says she is sorry and hates herself, loves me etc but won't respond to my efforts. Actually hangs up on me when I've called, won't talk. I never initiate contact, but when I respond, I just get disrespected/ignored. I know she has come from a bad family situation and see the reflection in her pathological behavior. A brilliant mentor of mine once said to me "if you want to know about a person, look at their family". I bet your ex's family dynamics were less than stellar. They learn how to treat people from somewhere. I truly believe you cannot fix them and you are surely better off without. I hope your pain eases soon. You will eventually look back on this and wonder WTF was I thinking...

Edited July 18, 2011 by bdoggle
typos

[BrokenFool]

bdoggle - thanks for your words, 16 weeks NC WOW i never ever thought i had the strength to get this far but with the support of friends and family i managed to get here, dont ask me how but what you have to realise is this

in the 3 years i was with her the dumpings started within the first month , she would tell me to get out of her life etc, delete me from blackberry messenger, delete me from facebook, ignore my texts and ignore my calls, effectively she was doing NC with me , i would ring and text like a dog with a bone and wouldnt give up until she listened to me and agreed to give me another chance, so effectively i was not doing nc

this happened over 100 times so their was bound to come a time when i was strong enough to finally get the strength not to contact her thats how i got to 16 weeks

now with my ex , their was a ex boyfriend in the scene whom was her first boyfriend and she had been out with him for 5 years, they had broken up due to reasons beyond their control ie were both differing religions and neither was willing to convert to the others in order to be together, however the love didnt die ( from her side i believe, because he moved on with another girl first and she was in daily constant contact with him) now despite from day ONE me setting my stall out and saying i dont stay in touch with exes and would expect the same she lied to me and stayed in touch with him behind my back for 15 months and when i say stay in touch im not even talking about a little hello , im talking about multiple calls and texts every day , first thing in the morning , last thing at night , this i feel was the reason she wasnt able to value me or anything i did for her

With your ex i feel the divorce may have come but the time needed to get rid of feelings for her husband wasnt there hence she jumped into a relationship with you , same with the neighbour she doesnt really care about him, hes trying to fill the void left by you in her life

your ex like mine knows deep down in her heart the decision they have made is the wrong one, mine said to me as a parting gift I KNOW i might be making the worst mistake of my life ( why do it then if theirs even a slight doubt) but still went ahead and did it and now spends her nights chatting to a 21 year old ( shes 32) who lives across the road from her ,

these people will learn the hard way

i dont get texts from my ex and to be honest thats one thing im grateful for and feel if she did text me and keep me strung along i would have found it much harder to heal - my advice to you would be block her number and texts they cause you nothing but pain , if she wont talk to you verbally then how can you be sure its even her sending the texts do you get me , they mean nothing just words written in a text but they cause you pain and give you hope - hope which you need to get rid off in order to heal

the family thing you mentioned is absolutely spot on

she had daddy issues which she told me from day one , didnt like the way her dad had treated them as they were growing up, didnt have a strong family unit and when her ex came into her life he took the mantle of a positive male role model in her life, at last a male she valued, loved, respected, and she put all her eggs in one basket so when he decided to break up with her he shattered her whole life and thats what made her the person she is

all i would say is this we cant fix these people only they can

you dont owe it to be anybodys counsellor and emotional punchbag in life and in your case a cash machine aswell ,

when she texts you next saying she loves you and misses you etc

say to her

your words are just empty , prove it with your actions and leave it at that