hearttopieces Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) I know that NC is very popular around here. Also, I am currently more than 6 weeks NC with my ex. Honestly, I am starting to have doubts. It just seems wrong. I am starting to think that staying in touch like responsible adults is simply a more human/dignified way of breaking up, rather than just ignoring somebody completely. I am curious if there are any posters here who have experienced both types of break-ups? I think it is quite strange that, about 5 years ago, when my previous relationship ended, me and my then-BF agreed to stay in touch. And we did, for about 3 months. We did even try to meet 'as firends' a few times, but ended up cancelling the dates. So our plan to actually stay in touch quickly (and naturally) turned into pure NC - and I actually haven't heard from him ever since!! All I know now is that I feel like contacting my current ex. I know we are not together, and I don't want to get back with him anymore. But I think I do want him as a friend. Do you guys think 6 weeks NC is enough for me to see clearly? or should I wait more? OR, should I keep NC forever? Edited July 7, 2011 by hearttopieces
Ally-65 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Do you guys think 6 weeks NC is enough for me to see clearly? or should I wait more? OR, should I keep NC forever? I think it depends entirely on how you feel about him. You say you don't want to get back together. If you are absolutely sure about that, then fine, try to be friends. If there is any doubt at all, that you will suffer, then please don't. My ex really wants to be friends, but I couldn't even contemplate that. He broke my heart. It's your feelings that count, think about how you really feel.
Author hearttopieces Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Thanks Ally. I am so sorry to hear about your ex breaking your heart. I know it probably doesn't mean anything right now, but trust me, 6 weeks ago I felt exactly the same. I did not even understand how can he suggest friendship?!? Now I see differently. I am not saying I am completely OK, as I do have bad days. But definitely better. I am sure you will feel better soon as well.
AlisaMarie Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 When you can envision your ex with another partner, and smile because you hope they are happy... let the contact begin. Until that glorious day... NC should be your way of life with your ex.
radiodarcy Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 When you can envision your ex with another partner, and smile because you hope they are happy... let the contact begin. Until that glorious day... NC should be your way of life with your ex. agreed!~ i thought i had healed enough after 10 weeks of NC with the ex, to go back to being friends again. all it took was hearing him talking about the other women he was dating to take me right back to zero. i went back to NC three weeks later. that was 4 months ago and i still don't think i'll be ready to hear about that stuff anytime soon. that's the real test though. if you can handle hearing him talk about other women but all means go ahead. if not - - well, we can't tell you what to do but at the very least - - proceed with caution.
marqueemoon4 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 agreed!~ i thought i had healed enough after 10 weeks of NC with the ex, to go back to being friends again. all it took was hearing him talking about the other women he was dating to take me right back to zero. i went back to NC three weeks later. that was 4 months ago and i still don't think i'll be ready to hear about that stuff anytime soon. that's the real test though. if you can handle hearing him talk about other women but all means go ahead. if not - - well, we can't tell you what to do but at the very least - - proceed with caution. will you go and meet someone else already? that guy is/was a turd.
geegirl Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 As a responsible adult to yourself, you should be concerned about your emotional well being, first and foremost. The human and diginified break up is to let each other go and grant each other enough time and space to heal and move on to different relationships or to a level of indifference. When that happens, then you both can be friends. Simple math. If you think you are ready to be friends with him, like Alisa said, imagine him being with another woman, introducing her to you as his girlfriend. If you can smile and walk away and be happy for him, then you can be friends. If you walk away with a knot in your stomach, be responsible and take care of yourself by staying NC.
radiodarcy Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 will you go and meet someone else already? that guy is/was a turd. HA! easier said than done. i need to learn to take my own advice *sigh*
just_scott Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 i went through both AND both contact and no conatct affected me differently MY ex girl just walked out on me over a month ago after a 4 yr exclusive relationship that i thought was great and she said was good. i got no explination of why out of the blue she left THEN found out she was already with someone else . I wernt N.C. for about 2 weeks [i guess we both initiated it ] K no contact drove me nuts wondering like what's she doing,does she care about me,what i'm going through,she even thinkin of me I was thinking of her etc ONE night [late] she called me it was quick to tell me about a friend who had surgery and how they were doing . THEN i got approved to move into a new place and had items of hers here so i called to make arrangements to have her get the stuff . NOW talking with her some convos were civil SOME were not and when you get the not civil ones they just bring up bad feelings you hear things you don't want to hear NOT knowing if the other meant them or not soo you just sit around depressd wondering ,THE civil convos you feel oh this is o.k.BUT you just talk about general stuff not the 2 of you .AND the civil convos make you want to persue your ex cause your getting false hope only to get shot down again AND staying in contact can push the other even further away from you N.C. is mainly for you to start healing ,AND it also gives the other time to reflect / see what they've done AND you'd probably hope thy contact you saying what you want to hear like i miss you,lets work this out etc BUT rarely happens from what i've seen and read soo again it's that dam false hope BOTH have good and bad points i guess it depends on your individual situation
shortee143 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 Ive been in both- and for me, I think I liked never really seeing/speaking to him post breakup. One Ex- I got dumped via phone, with no real reasons, then never really saw/spoke him. I wanted us to be cool, but it never happened, and it bummed me out, but now I kinda see it was for the better, bc I didnt see/hear things (like about other woman). Another ex- I got dumped once again via phone, no real reasons...but remained in contact (still am, after 3 months post breakup) due to us having about a bajillion mutual friends. It is really hard- I watch him move on since I am in contact, while I have so many unanswered issues/questions and anger/hurt. We are NOT friends, yet I do maintain some level of civility with him. But I would much rather out of sight with him. I'm not sure if/when we will be friends like we were before we dated... It all depends. You SEEM like you are into the idea of being friends, but maybe 6 weeks might be a bit early, but I am not one to judge, only you can gauge that! Just tread lightly, you might think you are ok, but if he told you he was seeing someone else, would you be like "ok cool tell me all about it?" Def take care of YOU. I know being in contact is not exactly great for my emotional well being- but I trudge thru it so I can maintain normalcy with my (our) friends! Soo, if you can be friends, more power to you. Exes being friends will forever be an issue of debate among many haha
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