Alexis00 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I am 23, and my boyfriend is 24, turning 25 on Tuesday. About 3 weeks ago, my friends invited he and I to their apartment about 3.5 hours away for this coming saturday. I haven't seen them in months, and my boyfriend has met them twice. At the time (3 wks ago) my BF accepted in a 'huh? oh, ya, sure" kind of way. Yesterday when I went to discuss the details with him (when we'd leave, etc) he basically said "wait, THIS weekend? it's my birthday weekend, and [his friends] asked me to do something." We see his friends every week. I said, ok, lets just do our own thing, and meet back up on monday, so we still can do something on your actual birthday tuesday together. He seemed confused as to why we would split up for the weekend. Am I crazy? Why can't we just do separate things? If the situation were reversed, I am not sure what I'd honestly want him to do. I would really like to see my friends, but is turning 25 really that significant that I need to be around from Fri until Tuesday? I would only really be gone on Sat & part of Sun. To be clear: I'm not expecting him to spend his birthday with my friends- but does that mean I "can't" either? Do men really place as high of an importance on birthdays?
AlexDP Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Personally I don't know a single man who cares as much about his birthday as any woman I've ever met. I don't really know why though. Egocentrism, narcissism, insecurity on the women's behalf? I think for a lot of women it's more about feeling that someone loves them that day and also a lot about peer pressure. I couldn't care less about my birthday myself, but when a girl does something for me that day, I do appreciate it A LOT.
carhill Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 He agreed to visit your friends, then backed out; further, it appears he's now attempting to guilt you into changing your plans, made in advance for a long-distance trip. IMO, the birthday is just an excuse. My exW and I dealt with this stuff a lot while married. It's really easy. One pays attention and does what they say they'll do. Obviously, if a life-altering event intervenes, things can change. Since he agreed to plans to visit your friends on his 'birthday weekend', either that weekend was fine with him or he didn't care too much about his birthday 'weekend' as far as where he spent it. I hope you and he have a great time on his actual birthday on Tuesday and enjoy the company of your respective friends over the weekend. Myself, as a man, care a lot about my birthday; I also care a lot about the agreements I make. If I agree to be somewhere at a certain time, you can count on me showing up; it doesn't matter how far in advance, especially if there's food and beer involved
musemaj11 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Women glorify trivial things more than men. When I first had a gf, I was shocked when she was upset because I forgot the first month anniversary. I mean WTF?!?
thehead Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 One year, I forgot my birthday so this is weird to hear of a guy so intent on locking you into pre-pre birthday stuff. I agree with Carhill. Do you on the weekend. Celebrate with him on Tuesday. If he throws a fit, he's just being a big baby. In nappies.
denise_xo Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I personally don't care about birthdays and never celebrate mine. But if my partner would want to spend the pre-birthday weekend with me to celebrate for him, I would probably do that. That doesn't mean I would feel obliged. But if he really appreciated it and considered the weekend part of the occasion, I would probably try to be there.
Andy_K Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Today is my birthday. I don't really care much about it. I'm 28. Maybe if it was a big one, like 21, or 30 or 40 it would be different. As it is, no big deal.
grkBoy Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 In my book the guy is being a flake. He probably got a more appealing offer from his friends and thus wants to back out. You asked him 3 weeks ago, and if he didn't know his Bday was coming, then he's nuts. I wouldn't budge on this one...mainly because he made the obligation to you before and you've been more than willing to compromise. If he has such a problem with this then he should have spoken up 3 weeks ago. PLUS...I would rather celebrate my birthday AFTER the day passed. So if my bday was on a Tuesday, then the following weekend I'd celebrate...not the weekend before. Although in all honesty, I think my GF and friends seem to care about my bday way more than I do. I guess for me I get tired of everyone wanting to "go out and party" on their respective bdays...so you end up with one month of 3-5 "parties". So with mine I'd rather just chill and not be obligated to go anywhere or do anything.
oldguy Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 One year, I forgot my birthday so this is weird to hear of a guy so intent on locking you into pre-pre birthday stuff. I did the same, I forgot it was my birthday, 22nd or 23rd I think. A few friends reminded me that evening. They still laugh about it today. Most of the time if someone asks how old I am I have to remind myself what year it is and do the math. So I guess that puts me in the category of; I don't care so much.
thatone Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Most of the time if someone asks how old I am I have to remind myself what year it is and do the math. hah, same here. i go in 5 year increments (early 30s, late 20s, late 30s, etc.)
Feelin Frisky Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I do. And I've had some horrible ones because I do care to celebrate them. I don't care about them much as a single person but in a relationship I like to fuss for her on her birthday and get some decent treatment on mine. I once had a LTR where she would think to get me something for my birthday and then not get it for me and keep telling me she's "going to" get it for me. It's too effing late. I think we should MAKE TIME for the persons we care about and have no excuses except some weird emergency. Just once I want to have one where I really feel loved. Any I haven't for many many years. Very sore topic.
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