Desperatefortrut Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Hi OK I will try and make this as simple as possible but I am not the greatest at explaining things so sorry if this is long winded. I am a 28 year old woman and my bf is 31. We got together last September after being introduced by a mutual friend. My bf had been separated from his wife for about 18 months prior to meeting me. She has been in numerous relationships but he hasn't seen anyone but her. My boyfriend is a lovely man who will do anything for anyone and would help her parents move home still, do things for his ex and I know they hadn't entirely stopped sleeping together. On her part I think she enjoyed still having a 'husband' supporting her without being committed to him. On his part, obviously he was still getting sex and company but I think he was lonely and would have her back at some points. Anyway....when we got together I was living 60 miles away and was due to move back to my hometown where he lives. We met up on 8th Sept 2010 and got on really well. I moved back and things did go a little fast...I moved in within 2 months but it felt right and everything was good. Until... I snooper (bad habits after a previous cheating bf) and saw his call logs. Which showed on night we had our first date his ex had called him at 3am. Turns out she was drunk and outside his house. Long story short, she had had a row with her current bf and ended up crashing at my bfs. it actually took a while to get this whole story. First off I was told tha she slept downstairs....which she actually confirmed. But I later found out she had started off upstairs but when she went to cuddle him he moved away so she stropped and went to the sofa. She confirms this and doesn't really have a reason to lie. What I'm annoyed about is the fact it was hidden from me. And the details lied about. I also found out early on that she still had a key as they lived here together and she would come in and clean his house while he was at work. Months ago I was told by him that the last time she did this was days before we met but I've just found out it was actually while we were officially together, apparently only once! And he wasn't here. I was told that the last time the slept together was 4 days before he met me and the last time he saw her was when him and her dad moved wardrobes from my bfs place to hers as she had just moved flat before I met him. She confirms these meetings and swears they didn't sleep together the night she stayed here or ever after. The thing is that he lied and continued to lie even though it was over stupid stuff....how do I know he isn't lying about when they last slept together? He reckons I know it all now...but he did say that before and I found out tiny details were different. After from all this crap....he is a lovely man who isn't a player...he's only been with 4 girls including me in his life. Its not that I don't trust him now...I know for sure that they cut contact a month after we met. He has no issue me being alone with his phone etc and I don't feel the need to check it either. The only thing he was funny about was a conversation they had when I first got with him about her being jealous on Facebook and he told me he deleted it. He got a bit worried recently when Facebook was restoring everyones deleted messages .... But I think that was because I would trawl over old stuff. If he was hiding anything in them I'm 99% sure it would have been a conversation that happened in the beginning. Argh....we have a good life together, earn good money to enjoy nice things and have holidays, I get on with his family, he is romantic and loving and has even cried about all this. I ask him the same questions every day and I know he has the patience of a saint but it can't be nice for him. I just wish he hadn't lied. What if he cheated on me? I just can't get these thoughts out of my head. Every detail, date, contact they had is whirling through my head constantly. It's been 10 months now! He got divorced recently...a process he started not long after we met. He plans on marrying me and everything was perfect til I snooped! But I did it...and now I feel broken not knowing the whole truth. I love him and don't want to split but I cant live like this, and I know what I am putting him through is not fair either. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Recommended Posts