dobroj Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I just turned 18 in april. And I met this girl about a month ago. When we first met I had just lost a friend in a fatal car accident and was needing a friend or someone to talk to. She had came into the resturaunt where I work multiple times with her dad before but for an unexplainable reason this time I was able to walk up and start talking to her without even knowing her name.I got her number and txted til 3 am that night. I found out she has many intrests I do. She is currently dealling with her parents divorce as I've been for years. She said she had been needing someone to talk to about it and then I showed up. The fact that we met each other in a time of great need is unique in itself and not something I'm just letting go of. I recently asked her if she would be willing to go to sr prom with me and she said yes. I knew it was early to ask but she had been sayin how she had sum guys chasin her and I wanted her to know how I felt right away. I thought everything was perfect and then said she was gonna be a freshman. She's gonna b 15 in november. I was shocked she is so incredibly mature I thought shehad to b my age. It was awkward at first but we still have a lot of fun together. Movis music horse riding walks ect..... my parents won't stop tellin me she's too young and I could go to jail. Her family likes me I'm known as the "good kid" around the town. I have told her the potential risk with the age difference and she understands. I have no desire to have any sexual relations with her now or if we are still seeing each other by the time she's 18. Its not a reason to have sex with someone just because they are 18 you need to know where your life is going and if you truly love the person and I told her that. I have told her I would never pressure her to do anything she feels uncomfortable with or knows is wrong and she trusts me. I admit the age difference still bothers me but I still do have feelings for her. I have many people telling me to stay away and others saying go for it just be smart. I keep thinking she's beautiful and perfect for me on one side but on the other a voice keeps screaming at me she's too young and it could destroy your life!!! I just feel like this is one of those damned if u do damned if u don't situations and I don't know whether to continue seeing her or stay away. We are just friends now but I hope someday in the future it will be more. I don't know when or if I'll ever meet someone like her again and don't want to think what if or what could have been.
KOH Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 age is irrelevant, the only time it becomes relevant is when you're in your mid-early 20s or older, & she's younger than 18, there isn't something magic that happens when you turn 18, an 18 year old dating a 16 year old is no different than a 20 year old dating an 18 year old. I don't know how the law sees it, that's just my view.
Eeyore79 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 If the difference feels uncomfortable to you, then break off the relationship. There's a greater gap in experience and maturity between 14 and 18 than between, say, 24 and 28. She's still a child and you could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation if she decides to accuse you of anything.
Damien Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 If the difference feels uncomfortable to you, then break off the relationship. There's a greater gap in experience and maturity between 14 and 18 than between, say, 24 and 28. She's still a child and you could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation if she decides to accuse you of anything. Agreed! OP's parents are definitely right, she is a little on the young side and you really could get into trouble. How about staying as friends for a year or so? You say you have a lot of things in common so even later on if either of you decide on not dating you two could end up as very good friends!
Author dobroj Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 We are just friends now. And I told her that's all its gonna b for a while. I even apologied for asking her to prom as I felt like a pedafile after doing so. In a lot of ways she's my only friend right now and I'm just glad I have someone I can talk to. The idea of a relationship is something that I'm not considering til a few yrs hav past. I have feelings for her and she has feelings for me I've explained the possible problem and she understands like I never imagined a soon to b 15 yr old girl possibly could. That being said I'm a firm believer in abstinence as she is too. I've just looked at all my friends and brother who had someone they deeply cared for and then heard they were involved in sexual relations with the other while they were dating and after that its over they no longer cared for the person they only cared about what they got out o them and they throw em to the curb and move on to the next. My brother calls me gay that I'm a virgin but idc I'm not just gonna go have sex with someone I don't truly care for just to as he always sed "get it out of ur system" it should be a moment filled with trust and compassion. I mean u are giving the person you care for the most valuable and vulnurable thihg you own. Your body........You should at least know love and trust the person before even considering sex and even then its not a good reason to just do it Ur thoughts?
alethean Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 We are just friends now. And I told her that's all its gonna b for a while. I even apologied for asking her to prom as I felt like a pedafile after doing so. In a lot of ways she's my only friend right now and I'm just glad I have someone I can talk to. The idea of a relationship is something that I'm not considering til a few yrs hav past. I have feelings for her and she has feelings for me I've explained the possible problem and she understands like I never imagined a soon to b 15 yr old girl possibly could. That being said I'm a firm believer in abstinence as she is too. I've just looked at all my friends and brother who had someone they deeply cared for and then heard they were involved in sexual relations with the other while they were dating and after that its over they no longer cared for the person they only cared about what they got out o them and they throw em to the curb and move on to the next. My brother calls me gay that I'm a virgin but idc I'm not just gonna go have sex with someone I don't truly care for just to as he always sed "get it out of ur system" it should be a moment filled with trust and compassion. I mean u are giving the person you care for the most valuable and vulnurable thihg you own. Your body........You should at least know love and trust the person before even considering sex and even then its not a good reason to just do it Ur thoughts? Well, it sounds like you've already decided not to get involved with her (at least for a few years). I actually agree with that decision and commend your maturity for being able to see the potential implications of the situation. Now are you asking about differing opinions on sex? I say in that case do you. Sex means something different to you than it does to your brother and that's fine; he shouldn't be calling you names just because of that.
somedude81 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Heh, a 4 year difference. There's currently a 8 year difference between me and the girl I'm pursuing. Although she is 21 and for all intents and purposes, an adult. Anyways, you seem to be doing fine just being her friend for now. In a few years she will quickly mature.
fallenenvy Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Heres the thing, the older you get, the less the age difference matters. The reason it matters now at your age is because shes young. People don't fully mature until later so at the point you are pretty far apart where when shes 21 and your 25 the difference won't be as much. I would avoid sexual contact right now.. that can get you in trouble. you don't want to end up screwing up your life over that. Im not sure what the laws are where you are, but in Maryland where i live, 16 is the age of conscent.... However, if you want to be good friends until perhaps she ages a bit and then see where it goes, i think that may be acceptable. i had older friends when i was 15... i think my best guy friend was 18. Also you say her parents like you. That can be a good thing.. parents with a younger girl that hate your guts can pose many many problems. If they don't have a problem with you seeing her.... then that should make things easier. You seem like a nice guy.. you are interesting in doing right by her. Id say take it slow and see where it goes... and stay away from the naughty ;-) ~Sabs
make me believe Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Yes, four years is too much for where you guys are in your life. Can you imagine being in college and you're dating a high school FRESHMAN? If you were both a few years older it would be fine. But you are a senior in high school (right?) and she is, what, in 8th grade??! Noooo way.
oldguy Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 If he/she's 14 to 16 & the other is 18 to 20, it's a huge deal maturity wise & legally. And there is a GOOD reason it's not legal. If they're both in their 20's or older, it's not such a big deal at all.
Author dobroj Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 We are both fine with just beings friends for now. 3 yrs down the road. Who knows. When I'm 21 she'll b 18 if were still seeing one another then it won't feel so weird. The next weird feeling after that is while I'm in college she'll b a junior not that it feels weird maturity wise but the long gap of time in between and whether we could still make things work out while I'm in college and during my 24 weeks of state patrol training scares me how distant we may become during those 6 months I would rarely c her. I've never been in a relationship and I know 1st relationship stats are not good but if I can't make this work idk wat to think I don't think someone like her is gonna just walk into my life again. I'm gonna do all I can to make this work and I'm not losing faith in this. I met her for a reason what that reason is yet Idk but I'm going to keep seeing her as a friend and if that friendship gradually grows into something more then great. I'm willing to wait and see and right now all I can do is be smart take it slow and hope for the best
Author dobroj Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 We are both fine with just beings friends for now. 3 yrs down the road. Who knows. When I'm 21 she'll b 18 if were still seeing one another then it won't feel so weird. The next weird feeling after that is while I'm in college she'll b a junior not that it feels weird maturity wise but the long gap of time in between and whether we could still make things work out while I'm in college and during my 24 weeks of state patrol training scares me how distant we may become during those 6 months I would rarely c her. I've never been in a relationship and I know 1st relationship stats are not good but if I can't make this work idk wat to think I don't think someone like her is gonna just walk into my life again. I'm gonna do all I can to make this work and I'm not losing faith in this. I met her for a reason what that reason is yet Idk but I'm going to keep seeing her as a friend and if that friendship gradually grows into something more then great. I'm willing to wait and see and right now all I can do is be smart take it slow and hope for the best
SJC2008 Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I can relate. I was only 16 the first semester of my senior year and graduated at 17. Met a girl at a fast food restaurant we worked at when I was out of high shcool at 17 and was BANANNAS for her, she went to the same school and was a freshman and 16 at a year behind BUt I was only 1 year older than her even though I was already out, felt weird. Go with your gut insticnct. For me, being 15 and me 19 is too much IMO.
KathyM Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I just wanted to say that I think it's great that you seem to be such a nice decent guy, and you seem very respectful. But 4 years is too much of an age difference at your age. You are an adult now, she is in middle school or a freshman. Way too much difference. There are a lot of girls out there closer to your age that would be a good match for you, I'm sure. She's at a different stage in her life. You need to be with people your own age and life stage. If you still want to look her up when you are both adults, then go for it, but for now, you shouldn't be limiting yourself to a girl that is too young for you.
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