Beginingoftheend Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 My wife and I have been married 4 years. 4 days ago she told me that she has no passion for me, doesnt want to try and get it back. She says she has felt this way since we got marriedand doesnt want to try any more. She has bpd and says it has nothing to do withit. Now that her meds are working and shes thinking clearly she cant ignor the fact that shes not in love with me. She says she still loves me and wishes she didnt feel this way. At the same time she says maybe in a couple weeks, or a month, or more, she may find her passion for me again but I dont know if thats true or if shes afraid ill hurt myself and is giving me time to heal myself so to divorce me with less guilt. she knows I have been in a bad state. I havent eatin or slept in 4 days. Ive tried to go through with the ultimate decision, have called the suicide hotline several times durring the nights. The nights are the hardest. We have two girls, 3 and 1 and I know I have to ne here. I didnt want to do it to hurt her, thats the last thing I want to do. It just hurts so bad to hear the love of my life tell me she has no feelings for me. I feel like through all the turmoil and problems I helped her get through and then when shes feeling, looki.g, and doing better she is done with me. I am so in love with her and never wanted any more than she could give. The only chance I have to get her back is to do good for myself and make myself atractive to her again, even so she still might not want me. But I cant even function. New job is supposed to start friday and all I can bare to do is be alone. Supposes to start college in the fall but cant concentrate on anything. We are still in the same house. Im on the couch, but she wants me out. I am trying but have no where to go. I am so scared and confused and dont know which way to go. I am 100% committed to our marriage and have never stopped loving her. While shes sad, shes out with friends, doing things and im at home trying to get through it one minute at atime. One of the most hurtful things of this is today is our aniverssary. Its so painful. I just want her to see what she has in me before its too late.
tornintexas Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 This is the hardest thing you will ever accomplish in life! I've been there wishing to die. Seek professional assistance now, today even! If money is an issue there are always alternatives but you must seek them out. Call a counselor and explain the situation if they can't help you they will know somebody who can. If the first one you call can't help call another! If you already have professional help talk too them again. This is only a period in life which is horrible and painful at the moment but it will pass. Combat this depression with logic and reason. Look at yourself brother and what you have allowed this woman to do too you. For the next couple of weeks you will only feel two emotions and they will be too the extreme: Sadness & Anger. Never let either take control. ALWAYS remember your children! Burn the image of their faces into your mind and when the roller coaster swings too wide think of them. Your kids will always need you never rationalize that away, doing so is only lying to yourself. Should you hurt yourself or anybody else you will damage them beyond comprehension for the rest of their lives. Stop and make yourself a better person. Use the power of these strong emotions to tackle your own demons. Look within and honestly critique your flaws then find solutions. Right NOW stop what your doing and focus on finding professional help. You do not have to do this alone nor should you! Strength to you brother and my prayers are with you.
worldgonewrong Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 tornintexas is spot on! your life is sacred. And your life did not begin nor will it end *because of her*.
Steen719 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Right NOW stop what your doing and focus on finding professional help. You do not have to do this alone nor should you! Best advice and exactly what you need to do right now, not later, right now.
AudentesFortuna Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Listen to everyone here my friend. Seek help immediately! We all have gone or are going through this. Be logical and rational and you will find that it's simply NOT WORTH it to hurt yourself over this. Seek help please!
Author Beginingoftheend Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Thanks for all the replies. I think I am thinking a little clearer now. I still am only getting 2 hours of sleep but have been getting through the day pretty well. So heres the update. I talked to someone on the crisis hotline and they set me up with some counsling starting monday. My wife was talking with friends all night and came home around 7 thismorning. Up until this point I have been histarical to say the least, and I reflected for a few hours on how that will push her further away. So, I sat down with her and told her that her decision is the best thing for us to salvage our marriage, and that I am so proud of her for having the courage to give us this opportunity because I am not strong enough to do it. I told her that she has a month to decide. That she can tell me in a week o rd 2 or 3 but a month is long enough to decide. That I am ready to take her back today but will wait for her to be sure she wants to do this. And that I would respect decision either way but after a month I must begin completly letting go. That is what needs to be done but still when I think of her saying its over for good it still tears me in two. Her friends came over and helped clean all day and she didnt want me here so even though I was up sense midnight I took the kids all day to the museum, lake, parks, let the 3 year old hold the steering wheel in my lap while we spun around in circles. I had a blast and so did they. 10 minutes ago I was watching my 3 year old color, and was wondering what she was thinking, and then I wondered what she would be thinking at that moment if I was dead. My wife wants to still be friends if we dont work oit and I just may end hating her for this, but ill be here for my girls. I am super depressed and have a lot to work on but I keep trying to remind myself this is her loss, not mine. I talked to my mother n law shortly after my wife and it was good. She agreed we both need to focus on our own issues before we can make our marriage work. She also said she doesnt think it will be a month a well probably work it out. She always optimistic and probably doesnt know any more than I do, but its hope. Ill keep you posted on the updates. Thanks again for all your kind words.
Author Beginingoftheend Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 ah fantastic. Thanks for that! Beautiful! your stuff is so pretty. love love love.[/url] wow, our HL group has grown pretty big =).I went to a Gala on Saturday night and wore my black HL dress by the way,my favorite is Herve Leger Im sorry I dont follow?? What is hl?
Author Beginingoftheend Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Im trying to find somewhere to stay. Right now im in the bedroom because niether of us want to be in this room alone so im taking the short end of the stick to try and make it easier on her. She just came in drunk and woke me up because she couldnt find her sleeping pills. She is balling and doesnt want to talk. Im just confused. While im hanging on to any hope I can I cant help but wonder why she is so upset if it is up to her to come back to me and that we both agreed this could bring us closer. I cant help but wonder if she really doesnt want me. And it hurts.
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