robdrm32 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 My g/f recently broke up with me, it was somewhat mutual as I wasn't exactly happy with how things were going anyways, and i brought up going our own ways. So i've been talking to her just trying to get an idea of what went wrong etc. and basically she feels like she was walking on egg-shells with me. Always afraid to do something wrong because of how i would react. I decided to text my previous g/f to get a sense of what went wrong, and it was like the same exact thing. I drove her away by overreacting, making her afraid to say or do anything wrong for fear of how i would react. NOTE: I never yelled, or was physical in any way. my previous g/f explained that it was like i made her out to be a horrible person by how i said things, that everything she did was criticized, and that she felt like i made it out like she was below me. Now i realize what i'm doing wrong here, and to be honest my father does that same thing to me and I can't stand it in the least. So i see where they are coming from. This leads me to a convo i was having with my current ex. I owned up to what i was doing, saying how sorry i am and i eventually asked her if there was any chance we could work this out and be together and she said she doesn't know if there is yet. And she just wants to be alone for now but still be friends and hang out, as friends. She hasn't really given me much to believe there is a chance of working things out, and i don't blame her. But in every other way she said she was happy, and i tried my best to make her happy. i was just immature in the sense of how i approached talking to her. So my question is this: What can I do to get her back? Is it worth trying with the little to no window she has given me?
BWLoca Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Why do you want her back if you were unhappy with the way things were going? From your post, it just seems as if you're just anxious to see how you will act this time around instead of actually wanting her back.
rafallus Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I decided to text my previous g/f to get a sense of what went wrong, and it was like the same exact thing. I drove her away by overreacting, making her afraid to say or do anything wrong for fear of how i would react. Hmm. Some specifics? Were you judgemental of, say, girls having sex early on? Were you using "slut" or "whore" often, even not with respect to her, just in general?
Author robdrm32 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Why do you want her back if you were unhappy with the way things were going? From your post, it just seems as if you're just anxious to see how you will act this time around instead of actually wanting her back. thats a good point. I guess i was unhappy for legit reasons and i just approached them the wrong way. She really is a good girl she just doesn't know how to act in a relationship. So i feel like we can make it work, i just have to have a constructive approach to our problems. Rafallus, not really. Things were good with her for a while, then things started going sour so fast. I'm pretty sure she cheated (as are others i've talked to) and i wasn't the first b/f to accuse her of that. I just cant help but shake the feeling that I ruined the relationship with this girl but idk. I felt like at first i would talk calmly to her about things and nothing changed so my patience wore thin and i probably overreacted to things because I wasn't happy overall. Now i'm confused, because i see that in both cases there was no real effort on their parts to make things better and i picked up on that so maybe i did start to nitpick and get overly critical, which didn't help, but it was my reaction to their apathy perhaps? Any further insights?
BWLoca Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Do you act the same way with others in your life? Friends? Family? IMO, I think you're just in that stage of wondering exactly where things went wrong and wondering if there was any way to avoid it. The what if stage. "Maybe if I'd done this, she wouldn't have done this" and vice versa. Sometimes there is no real reason for a break up (no one did anything wrong) other than two people just aren't compatible.
Author robdrm32 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 i don't know its tough to say if i do. I kind of am in that stage of "what could i have done" but i guess its strange that my last 2 ex's say the same thing, and a girl i was seeing years ago i think the same thing happened. then again i can't say my last 2 ex's really put forth alot of effort after i would have a talk with them, if anything they got worse.
Author robdrm32 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 She cheated? Why do you want to be with a cheater? What was she doing to make you and others think she cheated? umm my current ex no she did not cheat. it was my previous ex (about a year ago) that i'm sure cheated. She just changed overnight and started flaking out of nowhere, and when i dumped her she was dating another guy by the end of the week. Sorry i know it was confusing
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