Red Arremer Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I had a few days off over the 4th of July and I was able to get away for a while and separate myself from work and a lot of the other stress I have in my normal everyday life and I noticed something that's kind of interesting. When I am happy and stress-free, I don't think about women or dating at all. I don't think about looking for places to meet women, I don't think about sex, I don't think about any of that. When I'm annoyed or stressed out or unhappy, my thoughts automatically go to "I need a woman NAO!!!". I become completely preoccupied with women and dating, and I will (just about frantically) explore every avenue I think I have that I'm comfortable with to try to find someone. This is also the only time I use internet dating, which when it's bad I'm doing pretty much all the time. When I get like this I don't want anything serious or any kind of emotional investment, I basically am just looking for a FWB. Which, of course, is nigh impossible to get as a guy doing internet dating, which makes me more frustrated and feeds back into the feedback loop of frustration. But anyway like the thread title says, I have a couple of questions. 1) Is it normal to feel like this? 2) Am I a bad person for feeling like this? *bites nails* It's kind of like, when I'm actually happy I can't be bothered to look at all, and when I feel like crap I try too hard. You know what I mean?
simpsonic Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I don't think it's bad. I'm the same way! I remember when I first moved to my city I started making a lot of friends and was having such a blast...dating did not cross my mind one bit. I admit I had the "I need a man" mentality whenever I found some my friends getting hitched/ in new relationships...such situations made me feel stressed and yes, unhappy. So yeah, you're not alone.
oldguy Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 But anyway like the thread title says, I have a couple of questions. 1) Is it normal to feel like this? I've... never felt like that but then I pride myself on not being all that normal 2) Am I a bad person for feeling like this? *bites nails*As long as your not kicking puppies or hurting anyone I don't think your bad. Are you positive about the order these things are happening in?
alethean Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I'm the same way as well. When I am content or having the time of my life, I'm in the moment and am not even thinking about things I "want" (e.g. a man). So I guess if you're bad, then I'm bad too.
iris219 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I’m the opposite. When I’m really happy, having lots fun and laughing with friends, and/or work is going really well, I start to crave a relationship because I want someone to share this happiness with me. This then makes the joyful moments in my life less joyful. When I’m not happy, stressed, or work isn’t going well, I’m glad I don’t have a relationship because I can’t think about anything other than my own misery and trying to improve it. I don’t like to deal other people when I’m unhappy or stressed. I want to be left alone to sort out my own issues. I definitely don't want sex in these moments--luckily I feel good about my life most of the time. It seems selfish and unfair to want someone when you're depressed if you intend to use them to make yourself feel better, but I don't think this is abnormal. It's probably pretty common.
Author Red Arremer Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 I get the impression that I wasn't really clear about why I was asking whether I'm a bad person, so here's a summary of my thought process. Happy: Either not thinking about dating at all, or when I do it's more of, I suppose I'm not entirely opposed to a relationship right now, but the girl would need to be really friggin awesome to be worth the hassle of a relationship because I'm already so happy now. Unhappy: Boy, I could really go for blowing off some steam right now. If you know what I mean.
Bullet Proof Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 I get the impression that I wasn't really clear about why I was asking whether I'm a bad person, so here's a summary of my thought process. Happy: Either not thinking about dating at all, or when I do it's more of, I suppose I'm not entirely opposed to a relationship right now, but the girl would need to be really friggin awesome to be worth the hassle of a relationship because I'm already so happy now. Unhappy: Boy, I could really go for blowing off some steam right now. If you know what I mean. I can relate to you 100%. Whenever I am down and lonely I sign back onto my profile on a dating website and think I need a man. I am like you too though, I really just want a FWB but don't want to seem like a skank, because well girls get a bad rep for whatever reason! I just want to have fun, I guess. But like right now I am doing awesome, getting my life together and I could careless about finding someone. I don't want to fit in dating and relationships. I want to do my own thing without having to worry about anyone else. It is exhausting to me, and I guess I am quite lazy about it.
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