lonelynyc Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 My girlfriend left me this past weekend, and I am not coping well with it. The way our 2 year relationship ended just felt so anticlimactic, abrupt, and crushing. She didn't even speak to me on the phone, just sent a text. I am forced to confront my own stupidity and foolishness. For a month things had become tense, we were arguing a great deal and the relationship was just suffering in different ways. Still, I convinced myself we were best friends, and that the bond we shared wouldn't be destroyed by our troubles. In hindsight, I should have prepared myself for the worst, but I guess that takes a level of maturity or strength that I haven't yet reached. It's just very painful. I woke up yesterday and today without any desire to go to work or handle my responsibilities. I just feel so weak, even physically, like I need to sleep the whole day, like I've been drugged. I am haunted by the last time I saw her in person, this past Friday. She told me she loved me, we kissed, made plans to see each other after the holiday weekend (she was visiting her family in Maryland). I feel like I should have savored, or found a way to remember that moment more vividly. I regret everything and have been blaming myself for the dissolution of the relationship. I know it's not healthy, I just feel like I could have done more. How do you pretend, and then ultimately internalize a feeling of indifference towards someone who meant so much to you? What's a healthy way to begin moving on, and what's an unhealthy way (so I don't make that mistake)? I think I'm a reasonably intelligent guy but a fool when it comes to matters of the heart. The fact that she wouldn't pick up the phone for me when I desperately tried to call convinces me that there is no future for us. I feel like a woman who ends things so callously isn't even the type of person I should want to end up with. But knowing all of that doesn't reduce the pain for me. I want to throw myself into pursuing professional goals, but today and yesterday, barely had energy to get up and take a shower, much less further my career. I took a sick day today, just didn't want to spend an inefficient day at the office, my mind and heart somewhere else. Does it get better?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 it gets better, just takes time and discipline. I'm 3 months out of my breakup and I feel great, took about 6 weeks for me to feel like myself again. I think it wouldn't have taken so long if I hadn't taken a class with her so I was seeing her once a week for 3 hours so it felt like I relived the breakup weekly for that 6 weeks. try to stay busy but also make sure you have time to grieve and go through the healing process.
RodG Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 My girlfriend left me this past weekend, and I am not coping well with it. The way our 2 year relationship ended just felt so anticlimactic, abrupt, and crushing. She didn't even speak to me on the phone, just sent a text. I am forced to confront my own stupidity and foolishness. For a month things had become tense, we were arguing a great deal and the relationship was just suffering in different ways. Still, I convinced myself we were best friends, and that the bond we shared wouldn't be destroyed by our troubles. In hindsight, I should have prepared myself for the worst, but I guess that takes a level of maturity or strength that I haven't yet reached. It's just very painful. I woke up yesterday and today without any desire to go to work or handle my responsibilities. I just feel so weak, even physically, like I need to sleep the whole day, like I've been drugged. I am haunted by the last time I saw her in person, this past Friday. She told me she loved me, we kissed, made plans to see each other after the holiday weekend (she was visiting her family in Maryland). I feel like I should have savored, or found a way to remember that moment more vividly. I regret everything and have been blaming myself for the dissolution of the relationship. I know it's not healthy, I just feel like I could have done more. How do you pretend, and then ultimately internalize a feeling of indifference towards someone who meant so much to you? What's a healthy way to begin moving on, and what's an unhealthy way (so I don't make that mistake)? I think I'm a reasonably intelligent guy but a fool when it comes to matters of the heart. The fact that she wouldn't pick up the phone for me when I desperately tried to call convinces me that there is no future for us. I feel like a woman who ends things so callously isn't even the type of person I should want to end up with. But knowing all of that doesn't reduce the pain for me. I want to throw myself into pursuing professional goals, but today and yesterday, barely had energy to get up and take a shower, much less further my career. I took a sick day today, just didn't want to spend an inefficient day at the office, my mind and heart somewhere else. Does it get better? Hey, I'm right with you. I was dumped over text (3 year relationship, 4 years of knowing each other), and the same thing happened to me. I saw her off onto the bus, crying saying she loved me. The days before she left, loves me, be with me, visit each other...yadda yadda...Two weeks later she ended it like a ruthless executioner. This was a month and a half ago and I am remarkably better. We were supposed to be together forever. I'm sure you've heard it before but it will take time my friend. I hit rock bottom, drinking at 10AM, sleeping lots... not sleeping at all. Take some time to grieve. No doubt you're pretty much catatonic now, but yes it will get better. This is from someone who replied to everyone who said that it would get better, "No, it won't. This pain will never subside". You'll realize that someone who ends things as you said, callously and OVER TEXT is not someone worthy of your pain and certainly not worthy of keeping you away from pursuing your goals. No matter how many good times you had, they're not the same person.
just_scott Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 HEY i hear ya i was going through the same as you [ as lots on here are or hae ]mine up and walked out of my house and life one day after 6 good yrs [ i found out later it was another guy ] i felt crushed,rejected,sick,lack of sleep and not eatting BUT one day i said what the F am i doing ? she doesnt want to be with me soo why risk my health n stuff on her . DEFINATLY go NO CONTACT with her NOW if you feel like your gonna cry then CRY you got to grieve the break up let it all out it's o.k. keep busy ,keep ur mind occupied FOCUS on you re arrange your place take walks hang with friends talk to them get it out IT will get better it's a process just takes time noone can say how long each situation is different GET fed up feeling like crap [that's what i did] say screw this she aint worth it ,she thinks she can find btter let her go try
Author lonelynyc Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Hey, I'm right with you. I was dumped over text (3 year relationship, 4 years of knowing each other), and the same thing happened to me. I saw her off onto the bus, crying saying she loved me. The days before she left, loves me, be with me, visit each other...yadda yadda...Two weeks later she ended it like a ruthless executioner. This was a month and a half ago and I am remarkably better. We were supposed to be together forever. I'm sure you've heard it before but it will take time my friend. I hit rock bottom, drinking at 10AM, sleeping lots... not sleeping at all. Take some time to grieve. No doubt you're pretty much catatonic now, but yes it will get better. This is from someone who replied to everyone who said that it would get better, "No, it won't. This pain will never subside". You'll realize that someone who ends things as you said, callously and OVER TEXT is not someone worthy of your pain and certainly not worthy of keeping you away from pursuing your goals. No matter how many good times you had, they're not the same person. Yeah, it's been pretty horrible. I almost feel like I'm in a state of shock. I spent the day at home, didn't really move out of bed, didn't notice phone calls, or even what the weather was like outside. Fortunately I have avoided booze, I'm afraid of what I might do if left alone in an apartment with only vodka or rum to keep me company. I feel like I need to change my whole mentality before I can heal, I don't know if time alone will do the trick. I still love her so much and feel so connected to her, and it kills me to think that she wouldn't pick up even if I called (which I haven't). It's just incomprehensible to go from being so fundamental a part of someone's life to being a complete stranger. The way I feel right now is just so unhealthy. I keep saying to myself that I need to cut all ties with her, and that if there's hope of her getting back in touch with me, she would be the one to initiate. It's all B.S. though. When someone cuts you out of their life the way she did with me, 9 times out of 10, you'll never hear from them again. I just don't know how to really convince myself what I know to be true--I'm not going to be the exception, there is no future with her. I haven't gotten around to accepting that, and I don't know how I'll get there.
Author lonelynyc Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 You know, the part that hurts the most is that I have been going through a lot of family issues (of the devastating variety) and she decided to end what we had right now despite everything. I gave her everything I had--emotionally, physically, even materially. I wanted to be there for her whenever she was hurting over anything. I found out my father was terminally ill (he's in his late 40s) a month ago. She knew this, we even cried together about it. He wasn't a constant presence in my life growing up, but we re-connected the past few years. This weekend I called her to talk, she told me she'd be there for me and wasn't. A day later on July 4th of all days, I get a text saying she's done. How do you come to terms with the person you thought was your best friend turning out to be indifferent to anything going on in your life?
RodG Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Yeah, it's been pretty horrible. I almost feel like I'm in a state of shock. I spent the day at home, didn't really move out of bed, didn't notice phone calls, or even what the weather was like outside. Fortunately I have avoided booze, I'm afraid of what I might do if left alone in an apartment with only vodka or rum to keep me company. I feel like I need to change my whole mentality before I can heal, I don't know if time alone will do the trick. I still love her so much and feel so connected to her, and it kills me to think that she wouldn't pick up even if I called (which I haven't). It's just incomprehensible to go from being so fundamental a part of someone's life to being a complete stranger. The way I feel right now is just so unhealthy. I keep saying to myself that I need to cut all ties with her, and that if there's hope of her getting back in touch with me, she would be the one to initiate. It's all B.S. though. When someone cuts you out of their life the way she did with me, 9 times out of 10, you'll never hear from them again. I just don't know how to really convince myself what I know to be true--I'm not going to be the exception, there is no future with her. I haven't gotten around to accepting that, and I don't know how I'll get there. It's pretty harsh isn't it? My ex completely ignores me too. To the point of blocking my phone number and e-mail. We went from being inseparable (I really mean that, lived together, ALWAYS together) to long distance and complete strangers. I knew every little tidbit of her life, now I haven't the slightest idea what she does, where she works or how she is. She used to need me and crave my attention... Though I feel better, I'm still not past the point where I have accepted she'll never be in my life again. That time will come, and that is going to take the longest I think. Possibly a year or more. You'll feel better but you'll still have that in the back of your head. Though I'm sure some day you will probably hear from her. I don't think we can truly know what is going on in their heads. If they changed this fast, they may change back. Though by no means should we hold onto hope, delaying moving on. I don't even want her back at this point. Probably best to stay away from the booze, unless you go out with your buds. That helps a lot sometimes. Highly recommended. There is someone better out there. If they were the one, they wouldn't have done this to us.
RodG Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 You know, the part that hurts the most is that I have been going through a lot of family issues (of the devastating variety) and she decided to end what we had right now despite everything. I gave her everything I had--emotionally, physically, even materially. I wanted to be there for her whenever she was hurting over anything. I found out my father was terminally ill (he's in his late 40s) a month ago. She knew this, we even cried together about it. He wasn't a constant presence in my life growing up, but we re-connected the past few years. This weekend I called her to talk, she told me she'd be there for me and wasn't. A day later on July 4th of all days, I get a text saying she's done. How do you come to terms with the person you thought was your best friend turning out to be indifferent to anything going on in your life? Time is the only thing. You simply cannot come to terms with it in any short amount of time. You have to get used to being alone again. Not having her there. Just take it day by day. Come here and post. Try to keep occupied. I know it all sounds so cliche but it's really all you can do.
thelovingkind Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 As people say, time, time, time. I plunged into a frightening existential despair for a couple weeks after my last break up. I felt like I would never feel myself again, like my soul and personality were just vacuumed away and all that would remain forever was this fragile, trembling, self-conscious mental state that would forever turn in on itself like a vortex, constantly questioning its own right to exist. Four weeks on and I feel good again. Time!
gamechanger Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 ive gone through the same things the words you typed were spot on with what happened to me and the unhealthly ways you were feeling except i indulged a little too much when i went out (costly weekend). keep your head up man your not alone, it could be worse. as far as your ex, its a female thing take it for what it is, it happens to the best of us man
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