Bullet Proof Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 So I am very VERY inexperienced in the dating world. I work a lot and do a lot of independent activities that prevent me from meeting people my age and such. So I turned to Internet Dating. To be honest I was very unsure, and skeptical especially about meeting in person! Felt so strange. So I weeded a bunch (well a ton!) of guys out, chatted with a few for a while but nothing really stuck. One guy I chatted with via texting for one week before we decided to meet. We hit it off really great. he was just as described, funny, easy going, and cute. We ended our dinner date with a hug. Next date I planned, drove and paid for some and he paid for some as well. I think it's kinda unfair for a guy to be paying for everything! Date went GREAT again, still just a hug at the end of the date. I am used to more aggressive guys I suppose, but was still happy to go out with him. Fast forward - we have been out over 8-9 times, to various dinners, activities, movies etc and there has been NO physical contact besides a hug at the end of the night. I am so confused, and as each date went by I kept telling myself 'That's it, I'm just going to go in for the kiss', but well I'm a bit shy and DIDN'T. Now I feel that so much time has gone by that it's almost too late .... if that's possible? I talked to my guy friends at work and they have no advice for me except to say 'he's gay'. Thanks guys ... lol I'm sure he isn't gay, perhaps just looking for friendship? Which is fine too he is a great friend and I feel very comfortable around him .. almost TOO comfortable though - I feel like I can call him up for a beer and ask to watch a sports game ... ooops I did that already!! So anyone have any insight/advice? I know he was in a LONG relationship and perhaps just wants to take things slow and be friends first? Thank you !!!
carhill Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 If he was in a long relationship and it was intimate and sexual (I say this because virgins have relationships too), it's overwhelmingly likely he'll express his interest physically and sexually. I've been very deliberate with romantic relationships and stayed a virgin long past the normal realm for a man and still, both prior to losing it and after, was physically affectionate, though not as aggressively as some other men. Close contact, hand holding, hugs, kisses, caresses, etc. The lady knows I like being close to her. It's possible he's really shy or he was really hammered in his last R. Unknown. I'll offer an example. Back when I was still a virgin, I dated a single mom (two kids) a couple times. The most telling comment? After our first date, I gave her a warm hug and her words were 'oh, a hug'. To me, that was normal. To her, having been with more sexually aggressive men, it was like her brother hugging her or something. It's all about perspective. She ended up marrying the UPS guy, or so she later told me. My style wasn't compatible with hers. I can't say how this guy might respond if you're more assertive but I doubt it would hurt to try if you like him and are attracted to him. I don't have much experience with that, save for fending off the sexual advances of married women, which I decidedly feel a bit uncomfortable about. Assertive doesn't have to mean grab him and kiss him, rather merely stay up close and in his personal space while looking into his eyes during a quiet moment. Any man who has any experience with women knows what that means. If he's a dud, move on. Just like the lady in my story, bad timing or incompatible styles, or he might not be attracted. Not your problem. Good luck
Author Bullet Proof Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 If he was in a long relationship and it was intimate and sexual (I say this because virgins have relationships too), it's overwhelmingly likely he'll express his interest physically and sexually. I've been very deliberate with romantic relationships and stayed a virgin long past the normal realm for a man and still, both prior to losing it and after, was physically affectionate, though not as aggressively as some other men. Close contact, hand holding, hugs, kisses, caresses, etc. The lady knows I like being close to her. It's possible he's really shy or he was really hammered in his last R. Unknown. I'll offer an example. Back when I was still a virgin, I dated a single mom (two kids) a couple times. The most telling comment? After our first date, I gave her a warm hug and her words were 'oh, a hug'. To me, that was normal. To her, having been with more sexually aggressive men, it was like her brother hugging her or something. It's all about perspective. She ended up marrying the UPS guy, or so she later told me. My style wasn't compatible with hers. I can't say how this guy might respond if you're more assertive but I doubt it would hurt to try if you like him and are attracted to him. I don't have much experience with that, save for fending off the sexual advances of married women, which I decidedly feel a bit uncomfortable about. Assertive doesn't have to mean grab him and kiss him, rather merely stay up close and in his personal space while looking into his eyes during a quiet moment. Any man who has any experience with women knows what that means. If he's a dud, move on. Just like the lady in my story, bad timing or incompatible styles, or he might not be attracted. Not your problem. Good luck Thanks a lot for posting! He did live with his ex-girlfriend, so I would assume they were sexually active. I just find it incredibly strange that that there is absolutely nothing. No arm over the shoulder at the movies, no hand on the back while walking. Just not used to this I suppose. I don't mind moving slow and all but it's been quite a few dates and for absolutely no progression, just seems weird. I know I can be pretty intimidating at times. I'm not a very 'girly' girl and I am probably too independent for my own good. If he isn't attracted why would he keep asking me out? Unless it was purely for friendship. Which, again, is fine. I could use all the friends I can get as I don't go out often and a few of my good friends moved away. But for some reason I would feel awfully guilty if I were to go out/date other guys while still hanging out with him - even though I shouldn't, I just would. This is why I don't date!! So confusing!! Thank you though for your imput!!
carhill Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Please explain 'not a girly girl'. Do you give off the vibe that the .45 and your jockstrap come off when you get home? Leslie's the best
Author Bullet Proof Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Please explain 'not a girly girl'. Do you give off the vibe that the .45 and your jockstrap come off when you get home? Leslie's the best Hahahaha!! I sure hope not! I clean up and look fine, but I guess I'm not your typical girl, as in I don't spend hours on makeup/shopping/dressing up. My wardrobe is fairly 'plain', but I try. I work outdoors, get down and dirty, I ride horses, fly planes, shoot guns, can be competitive, sarcastic, challenging, etc. I work with a bunch of older perverted men and over the last year or so I feel like I am becoming more and more like a dude as far as thinking/language. I have a hard time playing the 'damsel in distress' type, and don't really want to pretend to be a girly girl when I am not. I tried to hard in my last relationship to be someone I wasn't (I was finding myself). And now that I am comfortable with myself I am happy and feel free, but now I feel like I am the 'man' in all my dating experiences.
Author Bullet Proof Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 The issue of being in the friend category is usually done by women. Most men that see a woman regularly have a sexual interest in her. He is probably waiting for you to give him a hint. And you are waiting for a hint. Or maybe he is not be very sexual. Some of these men get married and only have sex with the wife a couple of times a year. Give him a huge opening. If he does not go for it you have your answer. That's what I figured too, I was thinking 'How could I have been friend zoned!!?!' I gave lots of subtle hints but perhaps they were too subtle?! If he's the type that only wants sex a few times a year than he is not for me anyway. What would you suggest I do to show him I am more interested? I don't have much experience with making the first moves.
Author Bullet Proof Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Most men can pick up the hints with the movement of the lips. Some men are so shy that the woman has to invite them for a kiss. Just say: "You never kiss me" and cast your eyes to the side. If you seat next to him (and is private) wear a short skirt and flash some skin in a seductive manner. Who knows? Maybe the two of you are equally awkward. Thanks! I will try yet again! I have nothing to lose anyway. Personally I think I could show up in my panties and bra and he wouldn't even look twice. He has never complimented anything about me ... maybe that's a hint?
musemaj11 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 He is probably the shy type. Men are normal human beings too who come in different packages. Nine dates should be long enough for you to initiate physical contact if you would like. This guy is interested because if he wasnt , he wouldn't waste his time and money to go out on many dates with you. I think in this case either u initiate it or no one is going to and u guys r just going to be beer buddies. Lol
carhill Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I'd say go with your style. You might recognize the lady on the left, one with a similar style to yours, and she not only got her man (Floyd Odlum of General Dynamics fame) but also rode horses and flew supersonic aircraft with the best of the best. My remembrances were she cleaned up pretty good. With the right man, there won't be questions, rather answers.
Author Bullet Proof Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 I generally have hands that fly all over the place on a date and I have to restrain myself. So I cannot relate to this guy. However, not every man or woman is overtly sexual while dating. Keep us posted. He is probably the shy type. Men are normal human beings too who come in different packages. Nine dates should be long enough for you to initiate physical contact if you would like. This guy is interested because if he wasnt , he wouldn't waste his time and money to go out on many dates with you. I think in this case either u initiate it or no one is going to and u guys r just going to be beer buddies. Lol Thanks a lot for your input! Guess I'll have to 'man-up' and make the first move!! I'll keep you guys posted. Probably won't see him until next week - he is going to visit friends out of state this weekend.
youngskywalker Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 He is probably waiting for you to give him a hint. And you are waiting for a hint. That is what you should go on for now. The best solution is to assume he likes you sexually and wants to kiss you. Maybe you haven't given him strong enough signals for him to think he has the go ahead. You need to up the ante. If you're hugging after each date why not during the next hug just hold him tight and run your fingers through his hair a little. Or watch a movie at your place and cuddle up with him. Start a little caressing and if that doesn't turn his wee-wee hard then he's either gay, has a sexual problem or simply sees you as a friend only.
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