tom_gbr Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 why oh why did i call her...i guess everyone knows my strory but if not read my previous threads i called the ex last night and spoke to her for the first time in over two weeks just to see how her easter was and if she was ok. we were getting along really well just chatting away but it was like we were trying to compete with one another...i think you all know what i mean. everything she was telling me about her easter was just hurting me....she was telling me about all the nights out she has been on and how drunk she has been getting and about going to the gym lots...also about her new group of friends from work...she told me about falling asleep in a club and i asked her if she was left on her own or not and she said that she wasnt...but the way she said it made me wonder who she was with...i know i shouldnt care but i do. i told her about me going out a lot as well and about joining the gym....i also told her about my new bar job which she was pleased to here about...before the phone call ended i said to her " if i dont hear from you before your mums wedding i wish her and barry all the best and i really hope you enjoy it...i know you will" i thought she would of said something like " course you will hear from me " but she didnt say anything. i know it sounds really stupid but i really didnt think she would of been having such a great time without me....it was like we had never been together and that the six months we had never happened. i think last night is the last time that i will ever speak to her again.....thats what it feels like anyway....im not going to contact her again and i doubt she even cares about me enough to contact me.
CurlyIam Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 Well, I doubt she would have told you she was miserable and she spent Easter at home eating fries with her mom... It's normal to have exagerated a bit. Don't beat yourself up for calling her. Think of it as a moment of weakness and remember the pain it caused you and the disapointment so that you won't do it again. SOooo think and be convinced it's a bad thing to keep contact with her, you'll never be able to get over this girl otherwise. It's all for the better, right? I hope your next thread will be on the Dating forum, telling us about the new woman in your life.
Author tom_gbr Posted April 22, 2004 Author Posted April 22, 2004 i wouldnt call it as a moment of weakness as i text her 3 days before saying that ill speak to you sometime in the week....the thing is we wanted to come out of this as friends.... she said it would be a great as we could be close friends who can always be there for each other. when is this likely to happen if ever? we have been apart for two months now and im still hurting a lot...she finished it but it was on good terms but i took it very badly im just hoping that one day in a months or so's time she will ring me up to talk and to catch up...its really importnant to me that i dont loose her completely....she is my first love i think she might still be hurting too....thats why im not hearing from her...atleast thats what i like to think it makes it even harder to move on when i know that if it wasnt for the way i took the break up i would still have her in my life
CurlyIam Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 The way you took the break up? Tom, if a woman wants a man in her life, she keeps it in her life. I understand she was your first love, that she's special to you, but from your last response I didn't feel you wanted to move on. You would analyse and overanalyse and linger by the phone trying to read her signs... Take your time, hurt freely but get over it. You do understand it is over, finito, kaput, right? Friends after a break up? Maybe, but never before 6 months of no contact and a few relationships (or at least one) in between. My experience talking, haha. So accept the fact she broke up with you (I don't buy the "how you took it bull"), she is not in your life and you need to move on. Let her go and try to rebuild your life. If she really wants to be your friend she'll understand you need space and time. But from your last talk over the phone, I didn't quite get the feeling she was too preocupied with how you were, how you'd take her moving on. She was bragging and she knew you were hurting. Friends don't do that. Sleep on it and focuss more on what you need and want then on her. And move on!
kgal Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 I'm sorry to hear that Tom...I mean...its terrible when the other person whom you once shared good times with..pretends like it never happened. I hate that. Who knows..she could just be putting on a front..cuz she might still be hurting. She might just be letting her pride get in the way too much..just to hide it so you dont know. I wouldn't think that shes forgotten..but maybe just trying to cover it up so you think shes doing great...which it sounds to me like she's done a good job of. But don't fret...you do need to get on with life..and if you hear something..you do...and well...just dont worry about it. Go with the flow and know that you're a good person for calling and caring. Know what you did right and dont dwell on anything negative.. Look forward and see the beautiful colors of the rainbow that is straight ahead...Keep moving and God will bring you someone, I promise. Feel better! Go do something fun today God Bless.
Author tom_gbr Posted April 22, 2004 Author Posted April 22, 2004 thanks guys that helped....i do know its over and we will not be getting back together but i just thought that there would still be a lot of contact between us...i dont know why. i really didnt think she would be having an amazing time without me but you never know as you said it might just be her using it as a cover up. i am getting better day by day i know i am...shes out clubbing tonight so i hate thursdays
Kelly67 Posted April 23, 2004 Posted April 23, 2004 That's how it always goes - it's a power struggle for each person to show the other they've been doing just fine without that person. It's a "I can live without you" game. Very few people swallow their pride and say "I haven't been able to eat or sleep - every waking moment is spent wondering what you are doing and where you're at". Me and my husband are divorcing - we just can't get along. We had our first separation three weeks ago, I filed for divorce and we both were refusing to speak to each other or communicate (I moved out). Then I found a note on my car, wrote him a note back and put it on his car..........then I said "We're in our mid-40's - this is like high school" so I picked up the phone and called him and now we're talking and being civil to each other (still divorcing but I put an end to the silly games). Of course when we talked in person (after not seeing each other for three weeks) it was a battle of both of us trying to act like we were "fine and dandy" without the other person. Once we got passed the stage of b.s.ing each other we both admitted it's been hard and we missed each other.
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