simpsonic Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Been dating this guy for close to 5 months. He pursued me heavily in the beginning. Talked daily, saw each other every opportunity we could (we were LDR). Eventually started sleeping together. Basically we acted very much like bf/gf but we were not as he never asked me. I had strong feelings for him. Talked about it after four months but he still only considered me a "friend". The last few weeks he acted distant... now he's completely disappeared. Hadn't heard from him in 9 days. Won't be talking to him anymore. The guy I dated before him was JUST LIKE him!!! Why do I keep attracting guys that don't want a relationship??? When I encounter guys who do want one I'm not at all attracted to them...I will not settle. But I've wanted a relationship for SO long and despite dating a number of guys, NONE of them want what I want. It's *******frustrating. I'm not looking for marriage here, just someone who feels for me as I do for them and not afraid to call me a girlfriend. I'm in tears as I write this...if you all have any encouragement please share. I could use them right now.
GildedLily Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 http://baggagereclaim.com Start reading, sounds like you are attracted to the wrong type of guy, you are afraid to ask questions etc etc..
Teknoe Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 ^ Good advice, also, don't sleep with a guy until you both are really committed! (preferably marriage but I understand most of the world doesn't operate that way)
grkBoy Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Interesting blog. I'll definitely keep up with that. AND IF YOU MODS CALL THIS "SPAM" THEN YOU'RE FULL OF IT! If we can't discuss things on the net then this board has pretty much hit its limit. Anyway, simpsonic, I know plenty of women in the same boat...and it's sad. It's funny how the biggest complaint out there is the amount of men who start off strong but won't commit. All I could suggest is perhaps not doing the LDR thing, and possibly check out your local "woe is me" men. See if you can find one with half a spine who would commit and respect you.
Yookie Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Been dating this guy for close to 5 months. He pursued me heavily in the beginning. Talked daily, saw each other every opportunity we could (we were LDR). Eventually started sleeping together. Basically we acted very much like bf/gf but we were not as he never asked me. I had strong feelings for him. Talked about it after four months but he still only considered me a "friend". The last few weeks he acted distant... now he's completely disappeared. Hadn't heard from him in 9 days. Won't be talking to him anymore. The guy I dated before him was JUST LIKE him!!! Why do I keep attracting guys that don't want a relationship??? When I encounter guys who do want one I'm not at all attracted to them...I will not settle. But I've wanted a relationship for SO long and despite dating a number of guys, NONE of them want what I want. It's *******frustrating. I'm not looking for marriage here, just someone who feels for me as I do for them and not afraid to call me a girlfriend. I'm in tears as I write this...if you all have any encouragement please share. I could use them right now. Your problem is NOT that you are attracting guys that don't want a relationship. The problem is that you fail to establish what these guys want from you BEFORE you allow yourself to get attached to them. Stop giving them all the privileges of having a girlfriend without the commitment. Most women become attached with intimacy so you may need to put the brakes on having sex with your dates until you know that he is interested in more than a passing fling.
Author simpsonic Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Your problem is NOT that you are attracting guys that don't want a relationship. The problem is that you fail to establish what these guys want from you BEFORE you allow yourself to get attached to them. Hmmm, you're right. I do have a tendency to not ask what the guy wants until it's way too late. Something I do need to work on. When is a good time to ask them this? Stop giving them all the privileges of having a girlfriend without the commitment. Most women become attached with intimacy so you may need to put the brakes on having sex with your dates until you know that he is interested in more than a passing fling. Well, one of the guys told me he was also looking for a relationship, but after things got physical he said he "got scared" and wasn't ready after all. Total BS. He didn't want a relationship to begin with... He just said that to get me in bed.
SJC2008 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 Dating should be fun but should also be like an inverview for both parties IMO. Seems like people dance around "what I'm looking for" to not scare the other off. What's wrong with a guy/gal telling a gal/guy he wants an r or wants to get married and have a family one day? The million dollar question is when do you bring that up? Truth be told it's better to "scare" them off early on so you don't waste your time, and you'll eventually meet someone that is on the same page as you. Good luck!
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