Should I tell my friend what I know?

[Sebstian]

My best friend was dumped by his gf C two weeks ago. I met my ex gf M, who is best friends with C's best friend A. My ex told me that her friend A had told her about C being dating another guy for a month before breaking up with my friend. When she broke up with him, she had lied and said there was no other guy and so far he believes her.

 

 

So here I am knowing more about my best friends love life, than he does, and feel like I should tell him. There are two problems however. 1) I still love my ex, and don't think it will do my chances any favors breaking my promise to her about keeping shut. 2) He seems pretty ok about the breakup, and don't seem to want her back, and his ego hasn't suffered too badly, so I don't think it will make him get back on his feet quicker by telling him.

 

But what if he some day decides to take her back and I didn't tell him? Is it fair that I make judgements about what is good for him to know or not? Is fair that I promise my ex to keep quiet and break that promise?

 

 

I'm in a mess!! What do you guys think?

 

/ Sebastian

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

hmm... that is quite a predicament

 

 

I don't think I would tell him. reason being is it's a matter between him and his ex. Now if it wasn't his ex and he was still dating her then yes I think it would be better letting him know what is really going on.

 

 

If they do end up getting back together it should be her responsibility to tell him what really happened, not yours. Also, if you and your ex are on good terms like that I wouldn't want to break that trust either. If you tell someone that your lips are sealed then your lips should remain sealed.

[Ginger Beer]

You have nothing to gain.

 

If one day he decides he wants to get back with her, then that's something you have to deal with at the time. If this happens, IMO, only then should you say something.

 

You say he seems OK about the break up, so why risk upsetting him? If he does end up wanting her back and trying to get her and you tell him what you know and he asks why you didn't tell him at the time, you say 'well you seemed OK about the break up, I didn't want to hurt you'. That's what I think.

 

For the moment there is nothing to gain by telling him. I also think your chances with your ex shouldn't come into it, it's nothing to do with her or you.

[stray]

This just sounds like high school drama. Don't tell him, it'll only hurt him and the truth doesn't really matter at this point.

[Sebstian]

Thanks, I hear what you are saying and lean in that direction too. It's just that I feel that best friends should be open about such things. He's 35, so should be old enough to handle the truth, but then again it would be easier to get on with his life and save some self confidence if he's not obsessing about who did or who didn't sleep with his ex.

 

But that feeling of not being loyal to my best friend is getting to me.

[Ally-65]

I agree with HeartofaPhoenix. He won't thank you for telling him and if he is dealing ok with the breakup, let it be. He obviously doesn't need someone like that anyway.