caisaco Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Hi.. I just though I'd go on here to ask, this story will be long so bear with me please. I met this guy (let's call him Ben) about four years ago this Fall. He tried to be my boyfriend all year and I finally gave in around May, this was three years ago. We dated for two years and in 11th grade (I just graduated high school a few weeks ago) we went down hill, he fell for another girl towards summer and didn't want me because we fought so much that he was just done. Then when he couldn't get her he "realized" he wanted me and wasn't happy without me. So about July of last year we kinda dated again. And as of like October of this year (well 2010) we dated again and then broke up, got back together November, broke up again and got back together December officially. We haven't officially dated since then, and December was only for like a week. He says my problem is I get too jealous and fight him for no reason and that makes him get pushed away and want out. Problem is, EVERYONE says he flirts with everyone, they're like "Oh ya that's Ben for ya!(:" and he denies it ALL THE TIME. Says he doesn't while we're talking or whatever. We lost our virginity to each other, and a couple months ago May, he had sex with another ****** girl.. his excuse was "he was in a bad state he never wanted to be in again and everything was 'crashing'" and he is disgusted he did it and I apparently told him never to talk to me again. When I sent him this long text on his options are open, if he wants me then come after me, if he doesn't then please stop toying and playing with me. He's told me since January that he doesn't want a girl friend right now. Why do guys do that? He said he still has love for me but doesn't want me. When he just agreed two weeks ago to hang out and that's a "start" He said he doesn't want me because when we get "good" I push him away and fight and makes him rethink asking me out and all that s***. *What makes me fight him? I'll tell you.. He tells me he'll "try" with me and he won't text me good morning and goodnight every day, all I ask for! And for him to ask to hang out, not always me because it isn't the same. All he cares about is his new job he's had since March, he works so much and in his spare time I see pics of him and friends so obviously he chooses them over me and it really hurts. He used to always text me goodnight (: and stuff so sweet but now I can tell he doesn't want me, but I feel he wants me "later" I can't get shut him out of my life though because I am so in love with him, no matter how hard I try, he says "I'm sorry you wait for me, I can't help but text you back, I can't let go either for some reason" About May 30th we were really good, and he said he loved me and we had a great day, and he held my hand walking me to my car and was like "you're so mine:D" and then he barely texted me or talked after, which is why I got pissed. I have changed so much, I did treat him bad for a lot of our relationship and I apologized so much. All I want to do is show him affection and hold his hand everywhere like he loved, and he said he's scared to open all the way up with me. It's like we switched personalities, he's like how I used to be, disconnected and I want him like crazy and he barely shows it. he's not there at all as much as I want and need. I can never plan anything because he works too much and is busy when he doesn't. His excuse to why we're not together is he's "Scared" What do you think about this??... Every friend I've talked to said he's Manipulating and Playing me. I don't know if he is... I mean he doesn't kiss me or other things unless he does want a relationship, we've hung out three times since our talk when he said we can hang out and that would be a start, on the 26th of June when I came over... so he can't be using me for sex because there's none, or kissing. I've only dated him and kissed and everything, so I don't know if he's a douchebag kind of guy, never experienced anyone else but I don't want to I really need some kind of help, I've been actually depressed since last May. Like full blown depressed, nothing excited me anymore, I'm emotionless, unless I'm hanging out with him my life feels normal. I'd go to counseling but I wouldn't be able to talk without crying, so it's useless because I can't get any words out when I'm about to cry or crying. I cry myself to sleep and wake up crying. When we hang out, we cuddle and show affection but don't kiss, he starts it too he'll cuddle up against me randomly or make me stand to give him a long hug. Do you think if he does this again while we're cuddling I can get him and make him talk about what he exactly wants with me? What REALLY pisses me off is he'll stop texting me at like 3pm then text facebook or I'll see he has a new facebook friend at night time, so it's clear he just didn't text me back just because, he does it so much I've been trying to be with him for so long, since January he also likes this girl I was best friends with for over ten years, I'm not her friend anymore as of this year because of drama with Ben her and me. He told me he liked her in January and he likes her now too. He said don't worry we can't date and she's my friend he doesn't even send me "thinking of you texts" I know we're not together, idk what we are but I thought if he wanted to hang and kinda work on it you'd think he'd text me when he could? Do you think we should go to a counselor? I really can't give us up.. at least not yet. We had so much planned for our future. Edited July 6, 2011 by caisaco
vsmini Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 If he really wanted to be with you then he would be. It sounds like you give him too hard a time about how often he texts you. Honestly - who cares? If he wanted to be in a genuine relationship with you then he would be and he would say it - Counseling is for people who are engaged or married - not young couples just out of HS - if it's not working out and you're only 18 - it's time to call it quits. You're so young and you're both going to find other people you want to be with eventually. Gonna have to let it go. Sounds like you're just going to push him away even more.
carhill Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Welcome to LS IMO, stow this drama scene for the summer and go out and have a fling or two. You'll likely be in college this fall and it will be a whole different world and there will be tons of new young men to meet. We all make plans for the future and then life intervenes. That's dad talking. Take care
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