Melrapuo Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Let me start off this post by saying that: a. I am happily dating my current girfriend for me than 2 years b. I have no desire to contact my ex. c. I'm still curious about the situation (even though there isn't one, per se) So here's the short story of it all. My ex and I broke up in 2008. She left me for another guy (which didn't work out after a couple months). I haven't spoken to her since August of 2008. Around May I go to a local restaurant, with my girlfriend, to see a friend of mine perform at an open mic. No problem there. Lo and behold, my ex is there, but I didn't realize until a few minutes after sitting down. She was literally 10 feet away, and I didn't really know how to react. She was kind of nervous because she could see that I had arrived and I pretty much told her that I never wanted to speak to her again. But here's the strange thing - she's dated several people since me, and I have no clue why my presence would be any different than any other ex. Anyway, she was there with her current boyfriend and friends, and she also performed (sang very well, I might add). I stayed for a few hours, never said hello, and then left with my girlfriend. Nothing came out of that. A few weeks later, another friend of mine, who is an aspiring comedian, performed a comedy show in town. He invited myself and a friend of mine out, and we had yet to see him perform since he's been doing it for 2 years, and we decided to go. I knew she would be there, because she confirmed that she would thru a Facebook page, but I didn't want that to stop me from going. The whole night we didn't sit anywhere near each other, didn't speak whatsoever. We coexisted in the same space without any interaction, and that's a good thing. A couple days later, the same friend who went with me to the comedy show received a message from her. (Keep in mind, she hadn't talked to my friend in over a year or two as well, for whatever reason that may be). She asked him if she should have said hello to me, if she came off like a "douchebag" for not saying hello to me, etc. And my friend told her pretty much that it wasn't a good idea, and she said that it was a weird situation between us (which I find hysterical, because there is no situation.). She decided that it was a good thing she didn't say hi to me. I'm not gonna lie, I'm curious about this. The conversation between her and my friend was short because he cut it short. But why is it that all of a sudden she's giving a crap about whether or not she should or shouldn't talk to me? The last thing I ever said to her was that we couldn't be friends, that we shouldn't talk anymore, and thats it. She didn't seem to respond well to that, but she seemed to accept it, as we haven't talked IN THREE YEARS. Is this even anything? Am I just looking at this the wrong way? What gives?
ameriveaux Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 The issue here , was that she saw you seemingly happy with another woman. Her place and power in your life was completely removed, and seeing you may have elicited old thoughts and feelings that she was curious about. Part of her was indeed curious and probably wanted to speak to you again, but the more rational part of her did realize that things were over and you moved on and got a replacement. I dont know women well, but i do know women want things they cant have; and can be extremely jealous. To conclude, there is nothing special or anything to be concerned with in your situation. You ended things with that girl for whatver reason, got a new girl you are happy with; and your ex is a bit curious and intrigued with your new life. But you have a new girl, why disrespect her by wasting time thinking about an ex? If you broke up with the new girl and were single than maybe.....but you broke up with the ex for a reason.
Author Melrapuo Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 It really is just curiosity. My current gf knows about what happened, and she came to the conclusion that is pretty similar to yours - that she is just interested in what I'm up to and may or may not want something she can no longer have. Its something that still irks me though. This girl did break my heart when she left me, and I learned over the course of time to accept and forgive her for it. I just don't understand why it is that ex's seem to become so intrigued by our lives years later, even though they were the ones that left us. They must've known that this point would eventually happen, so I don't get the curiosity on their part.
Sugarkane Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 I also wnated to know this too. Especially after YEARS of no contact. Why do they even bother? One of my exes was especially interested in how many people I dated and if I slept with them. Weird.
Author Melrapuo Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 I think curiosity just gets the best of them (as does most of us). Whether or not there is any particular motive behind it is irrelevant unless they act upon it (like doing things beyond just saying hi). From what I've heard, however, is that it probably builds up over a long time until they decide one day just to try and spark up a conversation.
reimeivn Posted July 8, 2011 Posted July 8, 2011 just curiousity, sometimes an ego stroke. they want to know that they are still wanted, and that they werent actually that bad of a person for breaking your heart. some people think no matter how bad they did, if they are still wanted, they must be awesome, or cool. some people who were not popular, like my ex, people think hes a loser, would love to have some of that ego stroke because thats the only way he feels good about himself.
Author Melrapuo Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Just a quick update on this... So the friend of mine I referred to earlier in this thread that my ex had tried talking to about me? He just walked up to me today at work and told me she is officially single. This pretty much confirms the idea that she was probably just done with her last relationship and becoming curious about past ones (being that she was looking for a way out).
giuliano-3 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Just a quick update on this... So the friend of mine I referred to earlier in this thread that my ex had tried talking to about me? He just walked up to me today at work and told me she is officially single. This pretty much confirms the idea that she was probably just done with her last relationship and becoming curious about past ones (being that she was looking for a way out). To quote Hall & Oates : "Oh, oh here she comes. Watch out boy, she'll chew you up. Oh, oh here she comes. She's a man-eater."
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