6by6enclosed Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I've had social anxiety for about 6 years now and in the last year I have made so much progress I find it hard to believe. I've got to the point now where I am volunteering at a charity shop and managing to control the anxiety to some degree. Since starting work I am noticing that I am still lonely. I make small talk with the people at the shop and the coworkers, but it feels fake. I have spent the last 6 years only really being myself around my family. The idea of being me around strangers is daunting... extremely daunting. I need to do it though, somehow. I'm so scared of rejection that I'm hiding the true me in my cellar while the robotic me handles the interactions. I say all my "please"s and "thank you"s and try my hardest to smile when appropriate and frown when appropriate, but my personality is hidden. I'm not very articulate or concise at the best of times, so probably none of the above makes sense. I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm experiencing extreme frustration. I want to make friends. But I'm scared so I'm pretending to be someone... all of my reactions, expressions, vocalisations are extremely calculated. At home, with family, I'm myself and I just do what comes naturally. How can I even begin to get over this?
theseeker Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 I've had social anxiety for about 6 years now and in the last year I have made so much progress I find it hard to believe. I've got to the point now where I am volunteering at a charity shop and managing to control the anxiety to some degree. Since starting work I am noticing that I am still lonely. I make small talk with the people at the shop and the coworkers, but it feels fake. I have spent the last 6 years only really being myself around my family. The idea of being me around strangers is daunting... extremely daunting. I need to do it though, somehow. I'm so scared of rejection that I'm hiding the true me in my cellar while the robotic me handles the interactions. I say all my "please"s and "thank you"s and try my hardest to smile when appropriate and frown when appropriate, but my personality is hidden. I'm not very articulate or concise at the best of times, so probably none of the above makes sense. I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm experiencing extreme frustration. I want to make friends. But I'm scared so I'm pretending to be someone... all of my reactions, expressions, vocalisations are extremely calculated. At home, with family, I'm myself and I just do what comes naturally. How can I even begin to get over this? You seem like you HAVE begun to get over this. Listen, everyone is afraid and lonely and wants to make friends. Everyone feels awkward. Everyone. You should be proud of yourself & your accomplishments. Tell your family about it and they will encourage you! I used to be quite socially anxious myself. I was never formally diagnosed with social anxiety, because I never saw a therapist (even though I really really wanted to, my parents didn't approve). But I can honestly say that I have had my fair share of situations similar to the ones you described in your post. Think of it as practice, you are warming up and feeling this whole 'social interaction' stuff out. There is nothing wrong with that! We all do it when we meet new people and try to make friendships! If you keep it up and force yourself to continue to practice, whether you feel like its fake or not, you will eventually find your own voice. Choose the person you want to be (the person you are around your family) and slowly try to integrate this 'real you' into your 'formal/fake/polite' interactions. After a while you will find that there is nothing to be afraid of, and that most of us are just as afraid as you are - and you will feel more relaxed. Eventually the person you are around your family will begin to come out in public, without you consciously deciding for it to. It is just like anything else, it takes practice. Don't worry, you're going about accomplishing this the right way! And if you keep it up, you will find that that being yourself around strangers/acquaintances becomes second nature. Oh, and I wanted to make a little side note: Don't comply with what other people say or do just because you don't want to get rejected. You will never be able to make EVERYONE happy. Don't let them influence you if what they say or do isn't your cup of tea. People respect those who stick to their guns and are honest about it. I have disagreed with my friends many times. We simply agree to disagree and accept the other for who they are, that is what friendship is all about!
Feelin Frisky Posted July 9, 2011 Posted July 9, 2011 Ever try to get any professional help. There are relatively new treatments that can really help overcome social anxiety sustainably. I'm a benefactor myself.
Author 6by6enclosed Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Ever try to get any professional help. There are relatively new treatments that can really help overcome social anxiety sustainably. I'm a benefactor myself. Feelin Frisky: Sorry for the late reply. I checked the thread a few hours after I had posted it and presumed that no-one was interested in replying. I just found this on my bookmarks and remembered! Anyway yes I have tried professional help. I've had about 3 years of weekly counselling sessions -- although that was for depression, not social anxiety -- and about 2 or 3 months worth of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I've just recently started a new course of CBT as I'm finding the anxiety worrying and wish to work myself through it. For the last year(ish) I've been taking Pregabalin, a medication that primarily isn't for the treatment of anxiety, but seems to really be helping me. The only problem is that it makes me quite lethargic. Are there any other treatments you know of or would recommend?
Author 6by6enclosed Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 theseeker: As I said to the person above, sorry for the really late reply. I didn't really pay much attention after a while as I jumped to conclusions and presumed no-one was interested in replying. Thank you for the kind words. I will continue to go to work and even, when the time comes that it is sensible, increase my working hours. I hope that this will ease with time, especially time spent with strangers/co-workers. You are right about it just taking practice. I am very worried about what you say in your last paragraph, as I see myself possibly taking the worse path. I am so desperate for a friend, for someone to talk to, that I hardly take into account what I actually want in a friend, or how I let people treat me. I can imagine myself being treated like a doormat if this issue comes to a head. Also, it is unfair on others... if I befriend someone after giving them the impression that I am a certain way, only for me later to expose my true self and reject them, then I will have done a horrid thing. Anyway, I realise you might not even get this, but if you do, thanks.
Recommended Posts