NeverDated Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Hi all. New here. As my handle says, I've never dated. I went from long-term relationship, to a catastrophic failure of a casual sex rebound with one of my best friends, to figuring out how to romantically interact with men about 10 years too late. I also some have some messed-up baggage from my long-term relationship that I recognize and am trying to work through... Anyway, I started seeing a new guy fairly casually. Good chemistry. We saw each other a few times, texted very often and had a kissing session appropriate for a Disney movie geared at tweens. Then...contact dropped. Not total radio silence, but much less often than before. I just don't know how to take it. It hasn't been very long, just a few days, so I'm certain this is just an insecurity thing on my part. I'm holding back the urge to neurotically engage. Should I just play it cool and assume he's busy and/or trying to sort out the switch in engagement levels? Or does this sound like I should prepare myself to write him off?
TigerCub Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Well you've only gone out a few times. He could be playing the field, or just not that serious, or he cold really be busy - who knows. Since its not like you guys committed to each other, take this opportunity to play the field yourself. Get that experience that you feel you're lacking. Don't stress with regards to this guy, if he calls he calls, if he wants to still see you, see him, but keep your options open too. Question: Have you tried initiating contact with him, or do you usually wait for him to call and ask you out, etc...? Also, while you're not attached to anyone right now, it would be a good time for you to really work on whatever issues you feel need resolving. good luck
Author NeverDated Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 It goes either way. Sometimes I contact first, sometimes he does, but usually him more than me. Most recently, I did first, he responded several hours later, and his responses were delayed after that. I didn't respond until his last text from last night until about an hour ago. During the weekend, I'm better with this kind of thing. During the week, I'm not so good because I'm usually stuck in the house without much to do and can just obsess over it. Wrong, I know. I've had a few single coffee dates here and there, but nothing that clicked so well. Over the course of a few dates that should be have 5 hours all together tops, we managed to wrack up 14 or 15 hours of together time. We just get along and enjoy each other's company. Been a long time since I've met anyone I can say that about, so I think I may have gotten overly attached too quickly.
TigerCub Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 well you definitely need to get some hobbies, not just so that you don't obsess about why he's not calling, but just for your overall well-being. Getting out and making friends, learning something new, having a stress leaving activity - these are all important. It will also help you when you do get into a relationship because you will have your own life outside the R and you wont become dependent on your SO to amuse you. So with regards to this guy, if you did click and all, just give him time, back off and see what he does. And try your best not to get all attached so quickly - they can sense these things
Teknoe Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 well you definitely need to get some hobbies, not just so that you don't obsess about why he's not calling, but just for your overall well-being. Getting out and making friends, learning something new, having a stress leaving activity - these are all important. It will also help you when you do get into a relationship because you will have your own life outside the R and you wont become dependent on your SO to amuse you. So with regards to this guy, if you did click and all, just give him time, back off and see what he does. And try your best not to get all attached so quickly - they can sense these things +1 Great advice! DO NOT escalate physically, lol. That was bad advice. Neverdated, may I ask how old you are? (at least ballpark?) Staying at home all day during the week is grounds for obsession. You need to keep yourself busy!
rafallus Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Escalate physically. Hate to be the party crasher, but OP is a woman. For contact, try throwing some hints you are available. He should pick it up. If not, you can try to arrange meeting yourself. Edited July 6, 2011 by rafallus
Author NeverDated Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 +1 Great advice! DO NOT escalate physically, lol. That was bad advice. Neverdated, may I ask how old you are? (at least ballpark?) Staying at home all day during the week is grounds for obsession. You need to keep yourself busy! Late 20s. I have children, which is why I'm at home, lol. I just realized I made it sound like I sit around all day and mope. I do have hobbies, it's just hard to do when you're corralling little ones. Not very easy to carry around a camera and a toddler at the same time, for example. And, while raising them is a lot of work, it's not very brain intensive. Lots of time to churn over [read:over-analyze] problems in my life.
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